Tomorrow Is Another Day...

The Fun, The Funner, and The Unfun

So, yeah, not working pretty much rocks my freaking socks off.  I love being able to keep the house clean.  I love being able to keep up with our laundry--actually folding clothes after washing them, what a novel concept!  I love not being too tired to meet up with friends in the evening and being home when Colby has a short day at work and can leave early.  I love having time to run errands and fit in running and shredding.  I can't tell you how fabulous it is to be able to do my homework during the week so that I have my weekends free, and I've actually been WRITING!  I haven't worked on my book in almost a year, and I've renewed my interest in it and am thinking of it constantly.

I can say with complete honesty that I'm not the least bit bored, I don't feel remotely unfulfilled, and I don't have any weird hangups about being a stay at home wife--at least for the summer.  Plus, Colby still cooks dinner, so what's not to love?

Buuuuuut.  And there's always a but.  Part of the deal when Colby agreed that I wouldn't have to work this summer was that I wouldn't buy any new clothes or shoes until I went back to work.  To tell the truth, I made that promise just as much to break my shopping addiction as I did to save money.  I have more than enough clothes and no one really needs more than sixty pairs of shoes in their closet, so I'm planning to spend the summer rediscovering outfits and shopping in my closet instead of Banana Republic.

When I get bored, instead of pulling up one of my favorite shopping websites, I blog or I write or I take my book outside and read in the absolutely gorgeous weather we've been having lately.  I feel like it's a win-win situation--plus I don't have to buy hangers every time I go to Target anymore!

Tomorrow the fun will be tempered by my very first EVER experience with jury duty.  I guess I didn't really understand how jury duty worked.  I thought you got called for one or two days and that was it, unless you got put on a jury.  But no, in my lovely little town, I've been called for five separate days over the course of July, one of which is a day that I won't even be in town.  I wrote them a letter a couple of weeks ago, requesting to be excused on that day due to my previously made vacation plans, but I haven't heard anything back. I'm going to ask about it tomorrow, but I'm just imagining them issuing a warrant for my arrest while I'm gallivanting around Montana, and a brigade of policemen waiting for my return to Seatac to put me in handcuffs.

But seriously, I paid an arm and a leg for a non-refundable ticket to middle of nowhere Montana before I got my jury duty dates, so they can't really expect me to just not go?  Right?  Right????

And then, you may have noticed that the month of June went by without any word of assingment notifications like we had been previously told to expect.  I'm a little bummed that it's looking like we'll be spending another summer in the great Northwest, but mostly irritated because now who knows how long I have left to wonder about where the future will take us?  I wish I was a more go-with-the-flow kind of person...

Anyway, today I'm gearing up for a four mile run, then meeting Lori for coffee so I can pick up tickets for our really fun 3rd of July event, and then heading over to another friend's house for our weekly So You Think You Can Dance date.  I'm going to try to put all of the stress out of my mind, focus on my fun and relaxing summer that is going by all too quickly, and enjoy the fantastic weather!  Key word there being: "try".

Obligatory 20-Something's Michael Jackson Tribute

A little bit before 3 o'clock on June 25, 2009.  I was sitting on the sofa, tying my shoes, preparing for an afternoon of running errands.  I refreshed Twitter one more time, because it is physically impossible for me to leave the house without first checking Twitter and then checking it once more from the driveway.

From there, followed a flurry of updates as the internet exploded with a confusing mix of rumors, facts, and tasteless jokes.  My first reaction was fairly blase.  I've never been a rabid Michael Jackson fan.  I like his music.  I'm always up for a good MJ joke.  He seemed like a pretty tragic figure.  That was about it.

But still, I found myself glued to the computer, putting off my errands until we knew what was going on.  He was dead.  Then he was just in a coma.  Then he was dead again.  And that time it was real.  I felt a little sad.  The full impact of this huge moment in pop culture history was just beginning to dawn on me.

I left the house, and a few minutes later Man in the Mirror came on the radio.  A few seconds after that, I started to cry.

The thing is, no matter what your personal opinions are on the King of Pop, his music touched quite literally generations of people.  My parents' generation and their parents cooed over him on The Ed Sullivan Show.  People a decade older than me loved him for the way he changed the pop genre forever with his music and groundbreaking moves.  By the time I was old enough to understand his contribution to music, he was already beginning to unravel in frightening ways, and still his music was powerful enough to transcend the insanity.

The fact is, Michael Jackson was the product of an abusive family, he was given a level of fame he was clearly not equipped to deal with at an extremely young age, and I don't believe he ever emotionally stopped being a scared thirteen year old kid.  Was the way that he related to children appropriate?  Probably not.  Does it matter anymore?  No.

I can tell you what I think about when I think of Michael Jackson.  I remember singing ABC in the car with my sister on family road trips.  I remember sitting in a dark bedroom of my grandmother's house when I was about nine-years-old, simultaneously transfixed and terrified by the Thriller video.  I remember learning Black & White in my fifth-grade music class, and begging my parents to change the radio back when they would flip past it in the car so that I could sing along.  I remember trying to moonwalk in the gym of my church with my youth group friends, and listening to Billie Jean on repeat, trying to understand all of the lyrics.

I feel fairly confident in saying that Michael Jackson will be my generation's John Lennon or Elvis Presley.  I think he was a person who wasn't fully able to deal with life in our world, and I think that wherever he is now, he's better off there than here.  I'm sad for the way his life fell apart over the last two decades and that he was never able to stage that big comeback he was preparing for, but I'm grateful that he gave us his music and, perhaps in what was his ultimate undoing, his soul.

"There's a place in your heart and I know that it is love,
And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow.
And if you really try, you'll find there's no need to cry.
In this place you'll feel there's no hurt or sorrow.

"There are ways to get there if you care enough for the living.
Make a little space, make a better place...

"Heal The world, make It a better place.
For you and for me and the entire human race.
There are people dying, if you care enough for the living,
Make a better place for you and for me."
~Heal the World

The Good Life

School's out for summer!  School's out forever!!

Okay, well, not forever, but until September 2nd anyway, which is good enough for me.  If it was out forever, I'd have to seriously reassess my education and career plans.

Our last day of before and after school care was last Thursday, and it was... strange.  As I was cleaning up the stage where we have our care and watching the kids slowly trickle out the door for the last time this year, I actually felt a little sad.  It's funny, as horribly as they behaved sometimes, as absolutely insane as they drove me, as completely tired as I was of conversations on an elementary school level--I still managed to form an attachment to those kids.  Some of them I even really, really liked, and actively miss.  It was a surprising realization.  Like Stockholm Syndrome for non-captives.

Anyway, I am now a lady of leisure for the next 10 1/2 weeks, and I plan on enjoying the hell out of them while they last.  Is it just me, or is that an unusually short summer?  I feel like in the South our summers were a few weeks longer, but maybe that's just my imagination.  It would also reinforce the stereotype of the dumb Southern hick that I hate so much, so maybe we just shouldn't discuss it any further.

I spent my first three days of freedom in mostly bliss, with a little homework thrown in just as a reminder that life is inherently not fun, and I shouldn't get too caught up in the enjoyment.  On Friday, I caught up on all the sleep that I'd been missing over the past 10 months, then after a little 30 Day Shred action, got myself all gussied up for Rent at the Paramount in Seattle.

Let me tell you, as much as I ADORE Wicked (and you know I do), seeing Rent with the original Mark and Roger MIGHT have been the coolest theater experience I've ever had.  It was so amazing to hear the same voices that I listen to on my soundtrack, and see the people who made those characters into real people for millions of fans.  Not to mention the rest of the cast was absolutely incredible, and yes, I cried my eyes out at the end.  I really wanted to haunt the stage door and wait for Adam and Anthony to come out, but Colby had to wake up to leave for a trip at 3:30 am the next morning, and the show didn't get out until 11 pm, so we headed home for some sleep.

Sunday was a pretty dull day of homework and catching up on BBC costume dramas, but Saturday, I went to support a friend who was taking part in a Crossfit challenge (um, completely insane), and she ended up not competing, but we cheered on a group of competitors nonetheless.  And it was probably a good thing she didn't, because after that experience, I think she would have been dead on her feet and unable to participate in our POLE DANCING CLASS that afternoon! 

Oh yes, indeedy.  I am well on my way to changing my name to Bambi and installing a spinning pole in our loft.  Ostensibly, pole dancing is a good workout, and I can tell you that my arms and back were feeling it yesterday, but let's be honest here, this is really just a fun way to hang out with gal pals and figure out how to feel a little sexy without busting out laughing at myself!  We spent most of our time on Saturday learning the basics on the pole, but did eventually get ourselves in the air and spinning toward the end of class.  Get your dollar bills ready pals, because I am once more rethinking my career goals!

Jon & Kate + Soul Crushing Despair

A few weeks ago, I made a public declaration, stating the fact that I was done with one of my formerly favorite shows, Jon & Kate + 8. Over the last season I had become disillusioned by the show because of the frequent obviously sponsored bits like the kids go see Sesame Street Live and Jon and Kate gush over how amazing it was.  Or, the kids play with some kind of remote control car and Jon and Kate gush about how amazing it is.  What I originally loved about the show was watching the day to day life of a real life family who were in a completely abnormal situation.  The kids were adorable and the parents were relatable.

Then, on top of the obvious product placement, Kate seemed to be getting more and more controlling and shrewish.  Constantly yelling at the kids, berating Jon, and seemingly oblivious to the fact that she saw herself as the only one in the family with valid opinions.  And of course, over the past few months, during the break in seasons, the private drama playing out in Jon and Kate's life became public consumption, and I was turned off by the situation.

So, of course, I made sure to tune in for the season 5 premiere.  You know, because I am SO DONE with the show.  And honestly, it is absolutely heartbreaking to watch, but for some reason I can't look away.  We can't possibly know what is really going on between Jon and Kate, but I actually find myself missing their acerbic interactions when they sit on the sofa alone for the show interviews.  There is obvious sadness and regret in Kate's eyes, and Jon just seems completely checked out.

The reason I keep watching is for the kids.  I have gotten really attached to them over the past couple of years, and in a completely insane way, I feel like turning off the show is abandoning them in some way.  It's a difficult situation.  Obviously the Gosselins have accumulated a fair amount of wealth through doing this show, which has opened doors to opportunities for the kids that they would not have otherwise had.  But by becoming the somewhat slicker, manufactured, wealthier family that they are now, I don't feel as much like I'm hanging out with my neighbors, I feel like I'm watching a television show.

I also wonder how the filming affects the children.  Jon, Kate, and TLC all insist that the kids are never filmed when they don't want to be, and they have a schedule of filming only twice a week and never in their bedrooms so that they have a private retreat where they can escape.  But there are conflicting reports that the kids have frequent meltdowns (the little ones ARE five, though, so meltdowns are to be expected) and that they hate being on camera.  Again, I don't know the truth, but the questions make me feel uncomfortable.

I don't think that Jon and Kate are terrible people.  I think that they are a couple who were in a frightening situation at a very young age, saw an opportunity to provide for their family, and they took it.  As for what people say about Kate accepting "love gifts" or whatever when she speaks, well, you know, if people want to give her their money, it's not really my place to judge.  If someone walked up to me and handed over a hundred bucks for my theoretical kids, I'd have a hard time turning that down.  I just think it's a sad situation, I feel sick when I think about the betrayal that Kate must feel and the obvious unhappiness that Jon feels, and I worry terribly for those poor kids.

So, I keep watching, hoping for some kind of miraculous happy ending.

This Weekend I...

... Went to see the new Star Trek movie.  The only previous experience I have with Star Trek is a highly traumatic moment where I happened to walk through the room while my parents were watching the movie, only to see a man writhing on the ground as a horrifying wormy thing crawled out of his ear.  I can't think of Star Trek without that vision flashing before my eyes, so you can see why I might not have been running to the theater on opening night.  And paying extra to see it on IMAX.  Yet, I did.  I can only cite my love for J.J. Abrams and wishful thinking that Zoe Saldana might be reprising her role as the bitchy ballerina, just transplanted into space.  After sitting through the full movie and only falling asleep a couple of times, the verdict is... I'd rather watch Star Wars.

... Got a little more high brow on Saturday morning with a viewing of The Metropolitan Opera's La Cenorentola, streaming live to a local theater.  I know I've been skeptical in the past, but opera is really starting to grow on me.  I don't think I'll ever love it more than the glitter and flash of Broadway, but there's something to be said for the more toned down culture of a well done opera.  La Cenerentola is essentially Rossini's (The Barber of Seville) take on the classic Cinderella story, so it's pretty hard to go wrong there, and the cast was phenomenal.  Now that I've seen two comedies, I think I'm ready for a terribly heartbreaking tragedy--if there's a heavy set woman with braids and a viking hat, I would not be disappointed.

... Experienced a whole new world at a roller derby match pitting four local teams against one another.  I really had no idea what to expect, but I was surprised at how much fun it was to watch those girls fly around the rink, pushing and shoving to get across the point line first.  There are a lot more rules than I expected, and by the time we left I think we had a pretty good handle on how the sport is played.  I was pulling for the Irish themed Femme Fiannas, up there in green, but I was so exhausted from the loooong weekend, that we left before the game was over.

... Made the mistake of checking my blog stats for the first time since I made the move to my new domain.  Sigh.  I've always said I'm blogging for myself and not for the readers, but I confess, it's a little disheartening to lose 2/3 of the readers that I've built up over the past 3 years of blogging.  I have a lot of great commenters, but I also had a lot of lurkers and since they never commented, I have no way of letting them know where I live now.  Stupid URL hijacker... may the wrath of my readers fall upon your shoulders!

And now it's Tuesday.  This week is sort of stretching out endlessly before me and I'm pretty sure I have the swine flu (what, is that joke used up now?) so I think I'm going to go make myself some eggs and toast, watch Gossip Girl, and then take a nice long nap before heading back to work.  Naps make the week fly by exponentially faster.

Sonic, Rock Band and Creepers

It's been a long time since I've written anything here about what is actually going on in my life.  Despite what this post might have you believing, as a whole, April wasn't all that terrible.  I had a few bad days in a row, and as is my tendency, I had a nice dramatic vent on the blog, felt sorry for myself for a little while and then went on about my life.  I just kind of... forgot I had a blog.  Obviously.

I'll have to do a more thorough recap of April, but I am happy to report that the first weekend of May did not disappoint, and if we're lucky, we may just make it through a whole month without one of my epic blog hissy fits.  For you see, though the rain has been out in full force for the past couple of days, I can see the light at the end of this dreary, grey tunnel.  We've had some spectacularly gorgeous days, and as much as I still hate the constant rain, at least it's no longer COLD rain.  And along with the increase in sun shiny days, the other recent arrival in the Western Washington area is a SONIC!!!!  Right across the street from my school!!

If you follow me on Twitter or are a Facebook friend, you already know that I had a countdown going for Sonic's opening day on April 27th, and the minute I got off of work, my friend Sarah and I hopped in the car and sat in an hour and a half line to indulge in grilled cheese, Sonic Blasts, cherry limeades and greasy, delicous tots.  Sonic is easily, hands down my number one favorite fast food restaurant, and I am so glad that we can finally be together again.  Being that one visit over the course of the opening week wasn't enough, I headed back to Sonic on Friday night where I gently eased my friend Nicole into the beauty of the Sonic menu.  She just dipped a toe in the water, but I think she was duly impressed by the tots and cherry limeade.  The lines around lunch and dinner time are still abysmally long, but I'm holding out hope that soon the fervor will subside and I'll be able to acquire my root beer float fix on a regular basis without losing hours of my life.

Saturday was opening day for a local farmers market, so Nicole and my dear operatic friend Carolyn and I all donned our rain gear and headed into the mist to see what we could see.  Oh, and it was good!  I came home with a fabulous and eco-friendly reusable market bag, two containers of sheeps milk cheese, a half pound of fudge, three dip mixes, a Mother's Day gift that shall not be named, and a gorgeous wooden bowl and platter set.  The selection of garden plantings was incredible, and as soon as Colby gets home from his most recent trip, I'll be dragging him downtown so that we can purchase an array of gorgeous bushes and flowers that we can slowly murder over the course of the next few months.  I cannot wait!

That evening, a passel of us headed over to Carolyn's house where I was indoctrinated into the cult of Rock Band, and lo, it was life changing!  I didn't have a chance to strum a guitar but I rocked the microphone and the drums, and it was the best time I've ever had with two sticks and a video game console.  Along with the new plants, I'm going to be lobbying hard for the next addition to our Wii collection to be Rock Band.  I feel that it will be far more difficult to kill.

In slightly sadder news, my old domain is no longer your friendly, online porn directory.  No, the brilliant internet entrepreneur who purchased the domain also seemed to think that the transaction included full access and rights to my archives, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a slew of my old posts copied and pasted into their website with absolutely zero editing or credit given.  Fortunately, I have been blessed with some seriously web-savvy pals, and they leapt into action with links, email addresses, and form letters to help me take the creepy blog squatter down.  Now, if you go to the site, you'll see a picture from Wicked and a brief synopsis of Broadway theater.  I'm glad that my posts have been returned to their rightful owner (me), but a bit disappointed that my old site is being used for such idiotic, pointless purposes.  At least if someone was using it for good rather than evil... Oh well.

Happenings

* I think at some point over Spring Break, the aliens came and replaced my kids with slightly upgraded versions.  I don't know if it was that we all just needed a nice break from each other or if all that I have been trying to teach them finally clicked in their little brains, but work this week has been--dare I say it?--PLEASANT!

* As I got off of the plane all by myself in Seattle on Sunday, I was thinking to myself, rather morosely, how sad it was that I wasn't getting off of the plane in Rome with Colby like I was on the same day last year.  Then as soon as I got home, I heard about the tragic earthquake in Italy, and now reports are coming in that deaths have risen above two hundred.  I'm absolutely heartbroken for the residents of L'Aquila, and hope that they are able to pick up the pieces and recover from this disaster.

* I can't believe it, but somehow, I have managed to make it 42 days without Facebook or Twitter, and have only 3 more days to go until I can get back involved with internet society!  It was kind of hilarious how every time I would meet up with a friend while I was back in Louisiana, the conversation would inevitably turn to my absence from Facebook within five minutes.  I thought maybe this 46 day fast would help break my addiction, unfortunately that doesn't seem to be case as all I can think about is the joyous feeling I will get when I am logging on again for the first time.  You know, so I can see who wrote on my wall.  And added pictures.  And got divorced or married over the past month and a half.  And then log off only to log on again 10 minutes later.  God.  Facebook is worse than nicotine and I have a carton a day habit.

* In happier--or at least somewhat less superficial--news, Colby is scheduled to come home in less than two weeks!  He's been gone since mid-March, so it hasn't been a terribly long time as compared to some of our separations, but I'm looking forward to having him back nonetheless.  Particularly because I'll have someone else with whom to share the dog poo load.  And that right there is what marriage is all about.  That and having someone else there to get your juice when you just don't want to get up off of the couch.

* I'm going to see Britney Spears tomorrow at the Tacoma Dome!  The show doesn't start until 8:00 with the Pussycat Dolls opening (Yes, I love them too.  Shut your Judgey Judgerson face and loosen up my buttons, babe.) and then Britney probably coming on some time around 10.  I am crazy super excited about the show, and waaaaaay less excited about waking up at 5 o'clock the next morning.  But I'm bringing one of my most fun friends and I feel preeeeetty sure it's all gonna be worth it.  It's Britney, Bitch!

* Sigh.  It pains me to admit it, but I am firmly planted in the Team Adam Lambert camp after last night's American Idol performance.  These kids are all just rank amateurs and then Adam comes on stage and blows them out of the water on a weekly basis.  I was skeptical of him during auditions, reached my pinnacle of Adam-hate on country night with that nightmare inducing version of Ring of Fire, and last night's Mad World literally brought tears to my eyes.  I still think he's better suited to a Broadway stage than the pop world, but DAMN, that boy can sing.

* Yesterday, I ran for 20 minutes straight, then after a 2 minute walking break I made it another 10 minutes of running without dying in the middle of the street.  I only started running regularly again last Sunday and then took an extended break (Thursday through Monday), so I am super pumped with the progress I've already made.  It's never been this easy for me to get back into the swing of running after many months away from it, and I'm riding the endorphin wave so high that I am actually considering training for a half marathon this summer. (Insert laugh track here.)

This Weekend I...

(A little housekeeping note:  I played around with my feed in an attempt to figure out why it hasn't been showing up in my reader until hours after I posted, and eventually determined that the best way to follow this site in a reader is by using the following feed: http://feeds2.feedburner.com/wickedlyscarlett/VQbD.  If that's what you're already using, awesome!  If not, maybe you'd like to update it.  That is all.)

... Experienced a combined five to seven hours of sunlight, which brought me to the simultaneously wonderful and horrifying realization that summer is coming, and soon I will no longer to be able to hide the results of holiday binging and late winter comfort eating under multiple layers of clothing.  On Friday night I went for a surprisingly successful run and Saturday I finally removed the shrink wrap from The 30 Day Shred and completed day one of Level 1.  Today, every single muscle in my body is crying out for mercy.

 

... Bought three pairs of Nine West shoes for $19.95 apiece and ordered the Charles David Pomade shoes for the wedding I'll be attending in two weeks.  It was an exciting weekend for my feet.

... Headed up to Seattle with some friends on Saturday where we stumbled upon a fantastic little Asian tea shop, Vital Tea Leaf, near the market.  We were served five or six tiny  cups of tea by an adorable Japanese girl who giggled and complemented and poured tea like a champ.  I added a little Asian flair to my formerly European tea collection with the addition of Jade Oolong and Jasmine teas, as well as a miniature clay tea pot that looks like it should belong to the little bear in the story of Goldilocks.  If it were set in Japan.

... Went to see The Complex: A Play About Apartment Living at the Market Theatre.  We went in expecting a comedy show, and were instead treated to a sort of dramedy based on the experiences of one of the performers as an apartment manager in Capitol Hill.  It was a fascinating look at how people's lives intertwine in ways you wouldn't expect and was at once hilarious and heartbreaking.  And I want Kevin Brady to marry my sister.  You know, if he's straight.  And single.  And reading this.

All in all, it was a great weekend to counteract a less than great week, and now I'm staring down a tunnel with a glorious light at the end only one week away when I fly to Baton Rouge for eight days of fun and relaxation and no contact with anyone under the age of twenty.  Between my masters class, work, and getting ready for this trip have a million frillion things to do this week, but still Saturday cannot come soon enough!

T.G.I... Wait, I Just Said That

(Edit:  As an aside, why does Google Reader hate me so much lately?  My posts have been taking 4-5 hours to show up in recent weeks, but this particular post was published over 12 hours ago and Reader has yet to pick it up.  Is anyone else having this issue, or is even Google deciding that my entries are too mundane for publication??)

This week... happened.

I think I've just kind of given up, accepted that I am hugely boring, and come to terms with the fact that I can no longer scrape together enough interesting material to blog more than once a week.  It's not a conscious decision, it's just...I've kind of lost the plot.  I don't know what to say other than variations the following:

This morning I woke up at a time that I consider to be the middle of the night.  I went to work for a couple of hours where I attempted to keep grade schoolers from committing any sort of illegal or life threatening activities.  Then I came home and ate/took a nap/watched tv/folded laundry until it was time to go back to work.  Then I came home, ate, watched tv, and will go to bed around 9:30.  10:30 if I am feeling particularly energetic.

Can you imagine anything more dull?  And can you imagine that more than once a week?  If I'm being entirely honest with myself, I'm not even narcissistic enough to believe that I'm in any way interesting enough for even a weekly post, but I'm just not quite ready to put this horse out to pasture yet.

So, here I am.

Super bummed that Alexis Grace went home last night.  Still trying to figure out if I love Megan Corkery (who seems to have changed her name?) or if I find her affected and irritating.  My feelings on this change daily.

I went to the dentist today for the first time in over two years, and was astounded to discover how much dental hygienists have in common with Billy Mays.  I suppose I was just sheltered by Air Force dentists who weren't forced to make a buck shilling xylitol based products, Sonicare toothbrushes, and at home bleaching kits, but crap.  Just massacre my teeth and gums for the agreed upon fee and let me out of there.  I did at least get some free gum samples.

Colby left yesterday for a five to six week school in Oklahoma.  I never thought that I would be jealous of that fact, but it was sunny and in the 70s there today, while Washington is still firmly in winter's grip and the rest of March is projected to look something like this:

I want to cry on a near daily basis.  I blame poor parenting and rain clouds.

My dinner tonight consisted of a single serving package of pepper jack Tillamook cheese, a bowl of Golden Grahams, and a buttered english muffin.  If I die of malnutrition or depression during the next five weeks, I am blaming the Air Force.

I can't even believe I am hitting "save" on this steaming crap pile of a post.  But, alas, I am.

My Version of Liveblogging the Oscars

I really had no plans of watching the Oscars yesterday.  I mean, let's face it, they're on super late, they always run super long, and they're generally super boring.  But there was a part of me that is incredibly intrigued by ever single movie that was up for best picture (even though I haven't seen any of them--YET!), and quite a few of the actresses up for Best Supporting and Best Actress rank among my faves, so I was kind of invested in the outcome.  Then, come to find out, they don't show the Oscars on a delay (which was a big duh when I really thought about it) and they started at 5:30 in Washington.  Since I don't have the time nor the memory to go through all of my favorite parts, favorite dresses, and biggest WTF? moments, I figured I'd just copy and paste my running commentary of tweets from last night.  I've also added just a bit of explanatory commentary in italics so that this isn't just a display of some kind of award show Tourrettes.

Oh, and if you're ever sitting alone on the couch watching a major awards show, and you start feeling the eensiest bit lonely, just get yourself a Twitter account and BAM!  Problem solved!  I just heart you ladies, thanks for the entertainment and company last night!

* I wish the Oscars were on a Saturday night so that I could make this more of an event. As it stands, I have to be up at 5 tomorrow, so meh.

* Oh, WHAT? The Oscars are on at their actual time, not a delay! Am an idiot! Totally watching now

* I love how honestly overwhelmed and moved Amy Adams looks... she is just a doll. I missed the first ten minutes when I was thinking the Oscars weren't on for another 3 hours, so I came in just as Amy Adams limpid eyes were welling up during the Best Supporting Actress presentation.

* I don't know why, but I have this intense dislike of Penelope Cruz that is based on absolutely nothing.

* Steve Martin + Tina Fey = Ultimate, cheesy, hilarious, HEAVEN! And can I just say, prior to my viewings of 30 Rock and the recent awards season, I had no idea what a fabulous rack Tina Fey has.  Seriously, that lady is hot AND hilarious!

* Hey, I quite like Jen Aniston's dress! Very excited that it is sparkly and not black. What is up with all of the manufactured drama about this presentation?  She looked gorgeous.  Yes, she stumbled over one of her words--as did just about every presenter last night.  Yes, Angelina was laughing, because the bit was moderately amusing and she was probably trying to be a good sport.  What a tempest in a teapot.

* Um, hmm... French, French, French... and Asian Guy! Where is Miley to make a timely and tasteful joke! Domo origato! Holy crap... love him!  There were a couple of adorable Asian gentlemen winners last night, to which I say, yay Asia, keep on making those documentary shorts or whatever.  You're doing something right!

* Nice boob shelf, SJP. Who am I kidding. If I had 'em, I'd hoist 'em up on display every day. But the dress was still pretty heinous.

* I still have no idea how to pronounce Amanda Siegfried's last name. She's looking a little Veronica Lake tonight. I totally butcher her name in both spelling and pronunciation every time I say it or write it, but I just find this girl to be adorable.

* I honestly can't decide if the Joaquin Phoenix thing is hilarious or tragic.  The Ben Stiller impression, however, spot on.  And Natalie Portman is just a stunningly gorgeous little thing.  A lot of people didn't like her dress, but I think it worked beautifully for her.

* Oh Jessica Biel. No. Fashion missteps will do nothing to make you more interesting and only provoke my anger at satiny, pointless dresses.  And why was she even a presenter??  What is she famous for other than being the oldest sister that quit the show on 7th Heaven and Justin Timberlake's girlfriend.  She needs a stylist to take her firmly by the shoulders and tell her that wearing a pillow case will not make her relevant in any way.

* Does anyone else get Glenn Close and Meryl Streep mixed up?

* Holy crow, I don't know why they're doing this musical thing, but I don't care. I LOVE IT!!! Okay, well, I would have enjoyed it more sans-Beyonce, but overall I thought it was pretty adorable.  Everyone needs a little more sequin and razzle dazzle in their lives!

* Aw, Joel Grey is just the cutest little pocket singer/actor there ever was!

* Philip Seymour Hoffman isn't sure if he's going to a formal event or robbing a bank.

* I love Heath Ledger's sister's dress... his family is beautiful and I'm so proud of them for accepting the award so graciously.

* Mmkay, they are TRYING to put me to sleep with this soothing, instrumental music. I think that must have been music from Wall-E.  All I know is it was simultaneously calming and remiscent of going for a spin on Space Mountain.

* This makes me want to watch Bride & Prejudice for the frillionth time.  Referring to the Bollywood number before the music awards.  If you enjoy Pride and Prejudice and you enjoy dancing and singing, you MUST see Bride & Prejudice!  Fabulous doesn't even begin to describe it.

* I would like Liam Neeson to come live in my house and speak at my command. Or maybe I could just pop Love, Actually in the DVD player

* Paul Newman has now joined Jimmy Stewart, Clark Gable, & Cary Grant in my list of Unfortunately Dead Actors I'd Like to... date.  Is it a little strange that on my list of Five, four of the men are dead?  And the fifth is Johnny Depp, who, frankly, is just a smidge ghoulish himself.

* GONE WITH THE WIND!!!

* This song always makes me cry.  They played Tara's Theme when the Best Actress presenters came out and it was all I could do not to blubber into my pillow.

* So freaking happy for Kate!! Rose Dewitt Bukater Dawson just won herself a Best Actress Oscar! I would have been equally happy if Anne Hathaway had won, but let's face it, Kate has been working for this for much longer and has been the underdog for way too long.  She totally deserved the win and I can't wait to see The Reader.

* Cutest Best Actress acceptance speech ever? I think so.  Callng out for her dad to whistle--and then HE DID!  I'm not ashamed to say that I rewound and rewatched that moment multiple times.

* Well guys, that was fun! Now I'm off to update my Netflix, goodnight and good luck!  I didn't have much to say about Best Actor or Best Picture, but now I will give you my thoughts.  I want to see Milk, but Sean Penn is a total assmunch.  Slumdog Millionare looks fantastic, I just adore the two lead actors, and if the dance number was any indication, what's not to love?  I'm sure the win was deserved on both counts.

So, those are my Oscar thoughts!  Favorite dresses were Anne Hathaway, Jen Aniston, Marisa Tomei, and Taraji P. Henson.  Hm, interesting.  Usually I'm a big fan of color, but every single one of these is somewhere between white and ivory...  Least favorites were Reese Witherspoon (without the black sash, I think I could have loved it, but that ruined it for me), Beyonce Knowles (the black and gold mermaid was atrocious and at least one size too small), Jessica Biel, and Heidi Klum.

Did you watch last night?  What did you think?  Which Oscar winner should I go see first?

Confessions Pt 2

Welcome to another round of brutally honest, potentially inappropriate thoughts that been circulating in my head recently.  No topic is safe from the wanderings of my little feather brain.

* Our Christmas tree is still up.  Oh yes, it is.  And I have no plans to take it down any time soon.  Not because I am feeling particularly festive, but because I am lazy.  And we have a lot of ornaments on that damn tree.

* I am horrified at the state of parenting and children's behavior in general these days.  I know that makes me a bitter sixty-five-year-old man, but I don't care.  My generation was far from perfect, and I was a bit sheltered as a child, but I honestly don't think that as a whole we were nearly as dreadful as children AS A WHOLE these days.

* I find Ryan Seacrest mysteriously hot this season.  He seems somehow more mature and dignified.  We'll see how long that lasts before the frosted tips and shiny shirts make their come back.

* On a somewhat related note, I haven't been as excited about an American Idol contestant as I am about Alexis Grace in a very long time.  Maybe ever.  This is interesting since I wasn't even planning to watch American Idol this season.  If she makes it to the finals, there is a 57% chance that I might make an actual effort and text in a vote.

* I can't remember the last time I thoroughly cleaned our bathroom.  There is a layer of hairspray and makeup about an inch thick on the counters, and my sink looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.

* Even though know that I drastically cut the number of blogs I read a few months ago and am no longer a terribly consistent commenter, sometimes I get a little sad that I don't get the same number of comments I used to get.  Then I remember that there are far greater problems in the world (see: state of bathroom above), and I get over it.  Until I get a little sad again.

* This has absolutely zero bearing on the amount of my love for Colby, but I would really love to get some fabulous sparkly jewelry from him on romantic holidays.

* I am seriously, hopelessly addicted to Facebook and at a slightly lesser level, Twitter.  As such, I am giving up both for Lent.  Jesus is probably rolling his eyes, like, "I fasted in the desert for 40 days and this twit is worried about her ability to stay away from social networking sites for 46?" but in a nicer way, of course, because he is Jesus.  I have had multiple friends contact me, worried that they will never hear from me again, but have no fear, I will still be blogging and emailing.  But still probably not ever answering my phone.

The Green Eyed Monster

I'm sure by now, pretty much everyone who has turned on the television, listened to the radio, surfed the internet, or read a newspaper has heard about the pre-Grammy's activities in which singers Chris Brown and Rihanna were involved.  For those not in the know, the two have been dating for quite some time, and on the eve of the Grammy's, the two apparently got into some sort of altercation that ended with Brown allegedly beating Rihanna pretty seriously, but neither has released an official statement, so the details are all hazy at this point.

What has piqued my curiosity about this story, more that most celebrity gossip stories, is that the reason witnesses and friends have given for the violent outburst from Brown was that Rihanna was angry with him for flirting at the party they'd attended together and the fight snowballed from there, ending with her in the hospital and Brown turning himself in on domestic violence charges.  Jealousy.  Even celebrities aren't immune.  And jealousy and I have a long and complicated past with one another--one that I'm still working through to this day. 

When I was a freshman in college, I got involved in my first "serious" relationship--if you've been around the blog long enough, you may remember me mentioning Evil Ex and if you know me in real life, you couldn't possibly mistake to whom I am referring.  I trusted him completely, mostly because I was too dumb/naive to do otherwise.  He pushed the relationship along at warp speed, dropping the "L" bomb about a month into the relationship, and I was completely swept off my feet.  However, after a couple of months, things started changing.  If I had plans with friends he wanted to know who they were, where I was going, when I would be back.  Once he'd met all of my friends, he was contantly criticizing them, and he would always manage to find a way to convince me to blow them off and stay at home with him.

When we went out he would harp on my makeup or the clothes I was wearing, and if I so much as spoke to another guy, even if it was a mutual friend of ours, he'd become angry and moody.  At the time, I thought this was normal, that this is just how relationships were.  You started dating someone and they became your life.  I remember that I brought a male study partner who was an old high school friend to Ex's apartment once, as we were all but living together officially at the time, and when he came home and found us reviewing biology terms together, he was furious.  He was icily rude to my study partner and as soon as we were alone, he exploded, yelling and telling me that I had disrespected him and so on and so forth.  I will say, he never laid a hand on me, but he knew the exact words to use to cut me to the quick.  And of course, if you know me, you know that I'm not the meekest, mildest girl in the world, so I would give back as good as I got.

After about a year together I had virtually no friends left, all of my days and nights were spent either at school or with Ex, and my self-image was completely destroyed.  I probably weighed 110-115 pounds at the time, but he had pointed out my saddlebags, buddha belly, and flat chest enough that I saw myself as a hideous cow.  I had completely stopped trying, wearing no makeup, doing nothing with my hair, and dressed in jeans and t-shirts every day.  Even though we did nothing but engage in epic arguments, he had somehow managed to make me feel completely dependent on him and that he was the only person in the world who really wanted me in his life, and I had convinced myself that that was love.  All because of his jealousies and insecurites.

Another thing that had changed about me was my own personal jealousies.  I had never been jealous of any boyfriend in the past, but he taught me to be mistrustful, and when he began spending more and more time with a female friend of ours, my radar went crazy.  Only thing is, my radar was right on target and shortly after it was over between us. 

It was like an atom bomb had been dropped on my life.  God bless my friends, because they were all still there waiting for me and I credit some of them, together with my family, for quite literally saving my life.  The aftermath was that bad.  But still, I had zero self esteem and I didn't know what lesson to take away from what had happened.  Another person's jealousies and insecurities had almost completely destroyed me, but then all of my own jealousies were entirely founded.

Then, years later, it happened again with Colby.  I met one of his female friends at one of his military training programs, and immediately, those exact same alarm bells went off in my head.  Colby told me I was being completely ridiculous, but sure enough, when the February rolled around that he decided to break things off with me, he immediately turned to her and they dated briefly.  I'd been telling him for years that she was after him, and he'd almost convinced me that I was crazy, but then once again, my jealousies were validated

Now, I should say that Colby did eventually see the error of his ways, and I was able to forgive his temporary lapse in judgment, and from the moment that we mended fences and got back together, I have not felt a single smidgen of jealousy, so that's all kinds of awesome. And I also should put in a disclaimer here saying that Ex seems very happy now with the woman he began dating and then married after we broke up, and it is distinctly possible that he treats her like a queen and I just brought out the worst in him, so you know, everything has a way of working out in the end.  I suppose.

But I'd like to put it to you, since my life experiences have done nothing but confuse the issue.  What is your opinion?  Is jealousy always completely unacceptable and a tendency toward it a major character flaw, or is it just your intuition's way of telling you something is really wrong and attention should be paid?  Or does it really just depend on the situation and the people involved?

Hodge Podge of Stuff Circulating in My Brain

* Guess who's sick again?  This girl!  There's been some kind of ick circulating at school and this week alone five kids have come in running a low grade fever, sniffling, and hacking up lung bits.  I managed to hold out through yesterday before my immune system threw up it's hands in defeat and caved to the germs.  Fortunately it's not nearly as bad as the various colds I had earlier in the winter, and the predominant symptom seems to be extreme crankiness.

* Come to think of it, that symptom may not actually have anything to do with the cold...

* The oppressive fog that blanketed the Puget Sound last week finally lifted, I've seen the sun for at least a few seconds every day this week, and it's no longer pitch black outside at 4:30 pm.  I feel like maybe I can see the light at the end of this dreary winter tunnel.

* My current class is English Language Teaching Foundations, and I am completely and utterly lost this week.  It seems as though the further I get in this Masters program, the more it is expected that you have some teaching experience under your belt and understand basic teaching terminology and rules.  I have neither, so I feel like I'm working twice as hard as everyone else just trying to understand what exactly the assignments are asking for, never mind complete them.  If anyone out there could help me decode this statement, "compare and contrast either the ELL Proficiency Standards or the Language Arts Standards with the standards from an academic area, i.e. science, social studies, or math", I would be forever indebted to you!

* I'm so boring lately, oh my God.  All of these updates are about my health, the weather, and school.  I honestly thought I might have something more interesting to say if I just started typing.  Turns out: No.

* Well, there is something kind of funny-slash-interesting that has developed on the Book of Faces recently, but since I link here from there I don't feel totes comfortable sharing on the blawg.  Am considering doing an email post if I can't figure out how to do a private post, so shall keep you, my adoring and adorable readers, apprised of the situation.

* Oh, I know!  How amazing is Lost so far this season?  To all of you people who gave up on the show in the admittedly lame second and third seasons, wow, sucks to be you!  I freaking love time travel stories, and I am SO thrilled that now we're starting to get more answers and having all of these overlapping time lines thrown at us.  It almost makes up for the fact that Doctor Who won't be back for its 5th season until 2010!

* Exciting plans for the weekend include: Sleeping, homework, season 3 of Arrested Development, and if I am not feeling like total crapola on Sunday, a Super Bowl party.  I couldn't give less of a crap about the game, but it'll be fun hanging out with friends.  And eating their food.  What can I say?  It has been a REALLY long time since I went grocery shopping.

Question and Congratulations

More to come very soon about our awesome and fairly last minute trip to Portland, but I just wanted to post a quick congratulations to President Obama. I am incredibly excited and optimistic for the future of the United States, and just hope the country can turn itself around. We've got big hopes and dreams and I think it's time for this shakeup in Washington!

On a completely different topic--does anyone know if there's a way to make certain posts private in Typepad without making the whole blog password protected? I've tried searching the help section with no luck.

Oh wow they're swearing in Biden as I type! This is really happening! God bless America, let freedom ring.

Spring Awakening

Some pray that one day Christ will come a'-callin'
They light a candle and hope that it glows
And some just lie there crying for him to come and find them
But when he comes they don't know how to go

Last weekend, I had the great pleasure of seeing a phenomenal performance of Spring Awakening at the gorgeous Paramount Theater in Seattle.  We’ve gotten incredibly lucky with all of the fantastic musicals that have been coming through lately, but I feel particularly privileged to have finally seen this powerful production for myself.  I think I might finally understand how it feels to be a Renthead.  I loved everything about Spring Awakening—the simple staging, the evocative music and lyrics, the complete disregard for propriety and complete and utter passion with which the story was told and performed.  Without a doubt, this musical has earned a place amongst my top favorite musicals of all time, right up there with Wicked, Phantom, Sweeney Todd, and My Fair Lady.  (And, um, lots more, but we really don't have the time right now...)  I haven’t been able to stop listening the soundtrack that I downloaded immediately after getting home from the theater, and I can’t lay my head down to sleep at night without thinking about all of the feelings that the story brought out in me.

Listening
For the hope, for the new life
Something beautiful, a new chance
Hear its whispering
There again

The play is set in a small German town in the 1890s, but really, the setting could be anywhere at any time as long as we continue to live in a society that frowns upon sex in all of its forms and all talk of sex as a dirty, shameful thing and sweeps it under the rug in the hopes that if we don’t educate our youth about the mechanics, they won’t go exploring them on their own.  But of course, they will, and the less they know about what they’re doing, the more tragic the probable outcome.  Thinking that one can only be impregnated by one’s husband, for example.

You wanna laugh, it’s too absurd
You start to ask, can’t hear a word
You want to crash and burn
You start to cave, you start to cry
You try to run, nowhere to hide
You want to crumble up, and close that door

The cast is small—there are only three main characters, four or five supporting, a small ensemble, and then two older actors that play all of the adult characters.  This ingenious casting concept did a spectacular job of conveying a sense of anonymity to all of the parents and teachers included in the story, and placing the spotlight on the emotions and actions of the school-age characters. The story revolves mainly around Wendla, a naïve and curious girl balanced precariously on the edge of womanhood, Melchior, the handsome, outspoken, brilliant, and rebellious boy who captures Wendla’s fascination, and Moritz, the class slacker with a heart of gold and hidden vulnerability.

It’s the bitch of living and trying to get ahead
It’s the bitch of living just getting out of bed
It’s the bitch of living and getting what you get

The plot at its simplest level explores the “Spring Awakening” that occurs in all of our lives when we hit our early to mid-teens and suddenly become nothing but walking bundles of hormones and anxiety.  At its deepest level, it is an exploration of how all of those changes can truly screw us up if we experience them without any sort of support system, or understanding of what is going on in our lives and between our legs.

Where I go, when I go there
No more weeping anymore
Only in and out your lips
The broken wishes, washing with them, to shore

Something happens when we leave our teenage years behind.  We convince ourselves that all of that angst and drama was silly and frivolous, that our problems weren’t real like they are now that we are faced with mortgages, taxes, and “real life”.  We smile indulgently when we think of the tears we shed over the heartache and confusion we felt all of those years ago, laugh at our melodramatic diary entries and poems, but as hard as we try to laugh that pain away, it is part of what made us who we are today.  We can’t take teenage angst seriously, because to do so would mean that we would have to take our own teen selves seriously, and it’s far easier to laugh at ourselves and congratulate ourselves on how far we’ve come since then.

Oh I believe
There is love in heaven
All will be forgiven
There is love in heaven
All will be forgiven

Spring Awakening certainly isn’t for everyone.  It deals with topics such as teen suicide, homosexuality, child abuse in all of its forms, as well as teen sex and pregnancy in very explicit ways, and the language is certainly R rated.  But I think that’s what made it so hauntingly real.  As much as we don’t like to think about it, real life isn’t always very nice, and it certainly isn’t G rated, and while I certainly welcome an escape from that reality, it’s also refreshing to see a group of incredibly talented performers get up on stage and rock you to the core with their honesty.

There’s so much more to find –
Another dream, another love you’ll hold
Still you know
To trust your own true mind
On your way – you are not alone
There are those who still know

The Hills... Basically More of the Same

I think I've figured out why I'm having such a hard time really getting involved in The Hills this season.  At first I thought this season was just substantially less interesting than seasons past, but what it really comes down to is that because of constant tabloid coverage, we already know everything that's happening to these people.  The big drama of whether Heidi and Lauren are going to reconcile was kind of quelled when we read reports of them hugging and talking after Lauren's fashion show.  I wasn't ever really convinced that she and Doug would happen because of all of the shots of her and Kyle Howard being spotted making out all over the west coast.  And as for whether or not Heidi is going to continue putting up with Spencer's crap?  Well, obviously since their still staging romantic tableaux anywhere that pays up front.  It's kind of like watching How I Met Your Mother, but KNOWING who the mother is because you just caught a glimpse of the wedding photo on the mantel.  But anyway, at least for now, I continue to watch week after week and I can still wring a little joy out of the show through good-natured mockery.

The last couple of times on The Hills... If She Never Met Spencer
In this very special episode of The Hills Audrina dates a hottie named Colin who just can't quite manage to outshine the greasy, be-hatted Justin Bobby in Audrina's presumably less than perfect vision eyes.  Holly and Lauren hang out a few times so that Holly can plead Heidi's case and Heidi writes Lauren a "heartfelt" letter pleading her own case that she earnestly signs "Heidi Montag".  Lauren tries not to roll her eyes too much and straight up says that as long as Heidi and Spencer are together, there is no way their friendship can be repaired.  Heidi and Holly mull over this turn of events and Spencer busts into their scene to fulfill his contractually obligated dillweed scene, and then the episode ends with everyone staring off into space in a studiedly vacant manner.

Who To Choose?
Audrina goes on a date with another super-hottie, this time it's Corey and he's rocking the most gorgeous Australian accent.  In fact, I vote that we kick all of these other losers off the show and instead spend 22 minutes each week being treated to nothing but Corey's dulcet Australian tones.  Lauren decides that the crew needs to go to Cabo and they promptly begin inviting everyone they've ever met including Corey and... Justin.  Meanwhile, Heidi and Spencer have a Very Serious Talk about Holly's living situation (read: on their couch) and lays down the ultimatum that either Holly moves out or he does.  And because Heidi is Heidi, Holly will be packing her bags pretty shortly.  Justin comes over to Lauren's house and he and Audrina spend some time lounging out by the pool beneath the stars while Audrina confesses that she's been dating a nice guy.  Justin assholes about how obviously nice is working out really well for the guy since he's nowhere to be found.  Audrina giggles, jumps in the pool and tosses her bikini top beside the pool.  Sigh... these girls.

So, now that we're caught up... You'll Never Have This
The crew is piling into a private jet, you know, just in case we'd forgotten that these people are richer than GOD and got that way because people like me are really bored.  I'm really just jealous though.  They start drinking immediately upon takeoff  and Frankie starts asking Audrina why she and Justin are sitting so far apart.  Audrina explains that they aren't there together and are both planning on hooking up with other people (way to have a plan!) and Lauren chimes in that they all have a lot of stuff that they're planning to leave behind in L.A. this weekend.  Except Audrina, she brought hers with her.  Badum dum CHING!

They arrive in Cabo and enter their villa right slap on the edge of the ocean with jaws hanging.  Ah, the noveau riche.  They are just so adorable!  Audrina is horrified to find that she and Justin are supposed to room together and puts her foot down.  How can she go through with her plan if Justin is in such close quarters!  She'll never be able to keep her top on!  Lauren assures Audrina that she can stay in her room if she wants and then they dash out into the surf, Coronas firmly in hand as Justin gazes after them in an approximation of wistfulness.

The guys are all stewing in a hot tub of their own filth and grilling Justin about his status with Audrina.  They gossip like girls about the Corey/Audrina/Justin triangle and Doug offers this little gem of wisdom, "All girls are shady."  Um, yeah, okay Shadey McShaderson.

Napoleon Perdis Cosmetics, L.A.: Heidi and Stephanie are shopping, and Stephanie drops the bomb that she has a boyfriend now.  Well, it would be a bomb if anyone cares, anyway.  But since no one does, she speedily moves on, mentioning that everyone is in Cabo for Brody's birthday.  Ooooh, that's why they're there!  Stephanie fills us in that she and Lauren are still not doing so well, and Heidi invites Stephanie and her boyfriend Cameron out on a double date.  Stephanie balks initially, but is immediately convinced by Heidi's clueless optimism.

Cabo: The party-goers are all sitting around the dinner table, looking gorgeously dewy and tropical as they feast on seafood and other tropic delights.  Justin needles Audrina a bit about Corey then brings up the shared room that Audrina apparently vacated.  They proceed to have the same conversation that they've had fifteen times about how Justin doesn't want to be exclusive and Audrina doesn't care and Justin doesn't care, but they both obviously care because they look ready to murder one another.  Frankie gives a heartfelt toast to the birthday boy about how he's the greatest friend ever and then a literal SWARM of girls erupt out into the courtyard.  I have no idea who these girls are, but they are apparently Brody's birthday gift.  Ew.

Later, as the birthday gifts gamely strip down to their birthday suits, Lauren and Audrina talk about Justin and Lauren once again tries to convince Audrina that she needs to just move the hell on with her life, and let Justin know in no uncertain terms that she is over him.  Audrina just sighs and plays with her hair.  The guys are back at the table, discussing their plan of attack with the birthday girls and Justin, who is slitty eyed drunk, talks about how Audrina has essentially forced him to hook up with one of the hot naked ladies.  There follows a squicky montage featuring lots of bare skin, tongues, making out, and smoldering glances.  It still doesn't hold a candle to that final scene between Chuck and Blair in this week's Gossip Girl, however.  I'm still fanning myself in an attempt to recover from that one.

Pane E Vino, L.A.:  Heidi and Spencer are waiting for Stephanie and Cameron, and decide to go ahead and order while waiting for the fashionably late pair.  They eventually show up and Spencer immediately glances pointedly at his watch, starting the night off on a very friendly note.  Spencer proposes a toast to "Stephanie and her first boyfriend", then proceeds to gloat about how he recently kicked Holly out of the apartment.  Cameron changes the topic, mentioning that Stephanie is such a great girl and makes him laugh a lot, to which of COURSE, Spencer responds that she makes him laugh a lot too.  Come on Spence, WAY too easy.  Heidi brings up Brody, and the four of them proceed to discuss his various misdeeds and cruelties for the next few minutes, and then Spencer brings up Doug and the dinner officially earns itself the title of Most Horrific Double Date Ever.

Cabo:  Justin approaches Audrina who is perched on the side of the pool and they flirt like fifth graders, all but pulling hair and threatening a cootie transferral.  The next morning, Justin and Audrina flirt some more over a decidedly liquid breakfast and argue about which of the two of them is the most "straight-up".

The 4th Street Stairs, L.A.:  Spencer is running the stairs when Stephanie shows up and waves him down.  She proceeds to rip him about his behavior the night before and Spencer tries to justify his behavior with his usual ridiculous bluster.  Stephanie pathetically asks him to just be nicer to her and Spencer responds by telling her that if she can be loyal to her family, he'll be nice to her.  Which, huh?  I love how Spencer always manages to find the moral high ground.

Cabo: Audrina and Lauren blab about Justin some more and Lauren tells her that she basically just needs to do what makes her happy.  Audrina claims that Corey is who makes her happy but Justin has to make things difficult.  Lauren suggests once again that Audrina just cut the ties with Justin which is met with more wistful gazing.

This Weekend I...

... Went to a wine tasting at a friend's house.  We had a great evening, sampling six different California zinfandels ranging from $7 to $23.50, and to our surprise, the wine that we rated as number one turned out to be on the low end of the price scale: Gnarly Head.  Also rated fairly highly, taking the third place position was the good old supermarket standby, Barefoot.  I got pleasantly tipsy, probably drinking the equivalent of a full bottle of wine and had a great night talking babies, husbands, traveling, and education with some fabulous ladies.

...Hit the books all day on Sunday, finishing my reading, discussion questions, and writing a paper.  Fortunately, I didn't have a whole lot planned for Sunday, so I was able to get it all done with just a couple of breaks wedged in for Taco Bell and Starbucks runs.  I feel like I totally earned every calorie in that Crunchwrap Supreme and Salted Caramel hot chocolate!

...Watched one of my very favorite childhood movies, the 1985 version of Alice in Wonderland.  Last week, a friend and I got to talking about the upcoming Tim Burton version, and I mentioned how much I had loved an old live action version of the book where Alice wore an orange dress and there was a really terrifying Jabberwocky.  It turns out that she loved it as a kid as well, so I looked it up online, found the DVD on Amazon for $10 and received it on my doorstep a couple of days later.  When we finished our homework last night, we decided to put it on and took a three hour trip down memory lane.  I'll admit there was a high degree of cheesiness, but I also still totally loved the movie!  Alice is adorable, the gigantic cast of 80s stars is both impressive and hilarious (Ringo Starr!  Scott Baio!  JOHN STAMOS!!!).  But of course, the most important lesson I took away from this movie:  "Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday, but never EVER jam today!"

All in all, the weekend was much better than last week, and though I'm still feeling a bit down in the dumpsish, there haven't been any hysterical crying jags in the past few days, so that's certainly a step in the right direction.  How was your weekend?

Oh, Right... The Hills

Y'all, I am so tired this week.  I'm not particularly sure why, but I can tell you that I come home from work, stare blankly at the tv for a little while, stare blankly at the computer for a little while, and then try to remember to feed the dogs before I fall asleep.  What I'm saying here is that not only is this Hills recap a little late, but it's also probably total crap.  Like, more so than usual.  I kept trying to watch and then spacing out for 3-5 minutes before realizing that I was halfway through a commercial break and hadn't typed anything since the open.  So, you know.  Consider yourself warned.

Last week on The Hills.

Don't Act Innocent

Random L.A. Gym:  Lauren is whaling away on some trainer dude while Whitney sits on the ground doing some stretches and dutifully asking questions about what has been going on in Lauren's life.  This, of course, gives Lauren the opportunity to remind us that Doug and Stephanie went out together, information that scandalizes our dear Whitney and the nameless, mostly off-camera thus far trainer.  Oh, there we go, some reaction shots from the trainer who proceeds to fill us in on the "guy's point of view" that a girl doesn't go out with her friend's exes without a stamp of approval from the ex.  Thanks for driving that home for us once more, trainer dude!  He adds that Stephanie had better have a good explanation for herself, and Lauren takes another purposeful swipe at the trainer.  Foreshadowing?  I sure hope so.

FIDM:  The title rolls with Britney's "Womanizer" in the background, and I have to tell you, I am utterly obsessed with this song and now it will probably be firmly stuck in my head for the rest of the day.  Thanks Brit!  We get some really fabulous aerial shots of L.A. before we settle in on the FIDM campus where Lauren meets Stephanie out in some kind of quad-type area.  Stephanie is all bubbly and happy to see Lauren and she makes a pathetic attempt at conversation while Lauren sits stock-still, all prim and pursed, disapproving lips.  Stephanie eventually runs out of steam and goes back to the old standard of asking Lauren what's new.  And of course, Lauren casually mentions that she heard that Stephanie and Doug went out.  Stephanie at least has the grace to look a bit flustered, but then she totally throws Doug under the bus saying that he was just using her to get back at Lauren.  Um, duh-cakes.  She claims that she has erased Doug from her phone and has no plans to talk to him again, then immediately contradicts herself when she asks if Lauren is going to be at Doug's party the next day.  Lord, how dumb is this girl??  Lauren is understandably skeptical as she gazes off into middle distance and Stephanie smiles bravely at no one.

Heidi & Spencer's Apartment:  Holly and Heidi are in the kitchen, making cupcakes.  Cupcakes that Heidi will probably allow herself to waft gently beneath her nose before hopping on the treadmill for an hour at a 90 degree incline.  Then comes a knock on the door, and there's Heidi's mom waiting on the other side.  She greets Spencer with convincing cordialness and he proclaims his excitement at seeing her again with tangible sarcasm.  Seriously, you can feel it.  It's all slimy and cold.  This surprise visit gives Heidi the opportunity to finally tell her mom that Spencer had moved back in, as Spencer sits by feeding on the uncomfortableness in the room.  Darlene admits that she was disappointed to find out about Spencer through Holly and Heidi tries to defend herself saying that she didn't want to tell her over the phone.  Meanwhile, Spencer is still sitting there, grinning like the Cheshire cat, and for some reason, Darlene tells him that she wants to go to lunch with him.

Bella Restaurant:  Doug and... surprise, surprise... Stephanie are out to dinner together, and Doug is definitely vying with Spencer for douche bag of the episode.  They put their little brains together--combined they probably have at least a quarter of the brain cells of a normal human--and try to come up with a story to tell Lauren about why they're spending time together.  Obviously something cleverer than, "Look Lauren, you broke up with Doug.  He asked me out and I like him. I hope you can be okay with that."  Because that would just be sooooo much more awkward than their bumbling lies.  Then Doug invites Stephanie over to his house for a "DVD night".  Yeeeaaaah...

People's Revolution:  Lauren and Whitney are doing something vaguely work related and discussing the Doug-Stephanie situation and Lauren invites Whitney to Doug's barbecue party.  Whitney accepts and Lauren gleefully informs her that she will hate Doug upon sight.  And of course, Whitney will, because she's accommodating like that.

Doug's House:  Doug and Brody are standing outside, being all manly and dudely, discussing how Stephanie is totally all over Doug and he's soooo not into it, but she keeps "hitting him up" and who is he to turn that down?  Ugh, and you, Doug, are the reason that women hate men.  Also, I would just like to point out that Doug has a profile like a monkey.

Bloom Cafe:  Spencer and Darlen are walking side-by-side up to the cafe and settle upon an outside table.  Darlene opens the conversation by thanking Spencer for letting Holly stay with them, and he is quick to point out that Heidi is the only reason that Holly is still in the apartment.  They argue a bit about Holly's intentions--Spencer says that Holly is just there to get him out of the apartment so that she can live with Heidi and Darlene flat out asks if that's such a bad idea.  Go, Heidi's mom!!  The jist of the conversation goes that Darlene feels that Spencer is pressuring Heidi into the relationship and is a very controlling, manipulative person and Spencer pretty much agrees in his smarmy, Pratt way.

Doug's House:  Yum, Jungle Juice!!  The whole crew is out by the pool and Doug cannon balls into the water right by the girls, which gives Whitney her first impression of him.  This is just one of the many reasons that I feel pretty strongly that Whitney and I could be friends--she is about as amused by the cannon ball incident as I would have been.  Which is to say, not in the slightest.  Brody approaches Stephanie about her and Doug dating, and she proceeds to lie some more about how she was totally not trying to date him. Lauren begs Whitney to take her home, semi-jokingly, but really kind of seriously.

Tart:  Heidi and Darlene are out for lunch and Darlene asks again why Heidi didn't tell her that Spencer had moved back in.  She makes an interesting, and terrifying point when she says that Heidi has just gone from asking her parents what to do, to relying on Spencer to tell her what to do.  The bottom line is that as much as Heidi looks like a 39-year-old washed up porn star, in reality, she's a 22 year old kid who is in way over her head with a manipulative Svengali.  Darlene admits that she might be being too controlling as she breaks down into tears and a meaningful piano soundtrack starts up in the background, but no, no Darlene!  Do not say that!  You are just trying to save your daughter from the clutches of an evil, evil man!  If this were a 1920s silent film, he would have a handlebar mustache and be tying Heidi to the train tracks as she obligingly helps him with the knots and hands him the train timetable.

Doug's House:  Stephanie wanders inside where she is surrounded by Doug's visage leering down from her from all available shelf and wall space as Brody sits outside and talks shit about her to Doug and Lauren.  The shots keep cycling back and forth between Stephanie inside crying and Doug outside trying to defend himself to Lauren and Brody about how he was just going out as friends with Stephanie and he wants nothing to do with her.  Okay, look, I am not clearing Stephanie of all guilt in this situation, but Doug is just as low if not lower than her and it really pisses me off that everyone is getting all up in arms over Stephanie and virtually joking with Doug about the situation.  I don't know, maybe I'm just a sucker for a girl crying.  Lauren walks inside and finds Stephanie wandering around inside, wringing her hands and sniffling gently.  Lauren takes a tissue and wipes Stephanie's face as she admits that the situation got blown out of proportion, but it still sucks.  Stephanie tries to defend herself some more, but Lauren firmly cuts her off leaving Stephanie alone, apologizing tearfully as the end credits roll.

The Hills, But More Importantly, The City!!

Previously on The Hills.

And now, While Lauren's Away...

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House:  (I wish we could hurry up and get to the episode where Audrina moves out so that doesn't take so long to type.)  We open in Lauren's bedroom as she is packing for a mysterious trip that evidently doesn't require heels.  I don't care where you're going and what you think you'll be doing there, a girl should ALWAYS pack a pair of heels, just in case.  It's kind of along the same lines as always wearing matching underwear on a date.  I mean, you just never know!  (Mother, we shall never speak of this again.)  And oh my God, that hobag is going to Italy!  How did she swing that?  Anyway, Lo and Audrina banter about how they'll have some alone time to hang out together and then each sigh heavily as Lauren pulls out of the driveway.

After the credits, Stephanie shows up at the house and comes in to find Audrina hacking into a watermelon.  Turns out that Doug has asked Stephanie out on a date, and apparently she feels the need for Audrina's blessing.  Audrina suggests waiting until Stephanie has a chance to update Lauren on the situation, but Stephanie is raring to go and just slyly asks Audrina how Lauren would find out.  You stupid wench, you just told her freaking roommate, that's one of many ways she might find out!  God, these girls are just insufferably moronic sometimes.  Anyway, Audrina just blinks a couple of times in response and stutters that she doesn't know.

Bolthouse:  Heidi and Kimberley are "planning" an event that seems to involve skate ramps, and Heidi floats the idea of inviting Spencer along since they have fallen into a boring old person rut.  Not that I can judge them on this area of their relationship--having someone that you actually enjoy being in a boring old person rut with is kind of nice.  Of course, she is dating Spencer Pratt, so I can understand wanting to spend as little time alone with him as possible.

Fred Segal: Lo and Audrina seem to be voluntarily spending time together for lunch, so it looks like things have gotten exponentially better between them.  Lo asks about Justin, who has apologized for leaving Audrina hanging at her work event, but when Lo begins to expound upon the importance of making good choices for yourself, Audrina gasps and interjects that Stephanie stopped by and dropped a Doug bomb on their kitchen.  Lo seems flabbergasted by this turn of events, squealing different forms of "Stephanie and Doug?!?" about eighteen times before finally calming down and sucking down the rest of her drink.

Goa: Lo is finally looking kind of fabulous again, and less like a modern day Cruella DeVille as she and Audrina settle into a booth together.  And then, surprise sur-freakin-prise, Spencer and Heidi enter the club and approach the girls to say hi.  Audrina is folded into a giant Heidi embrace, and there's some awkwardly forced exposition about how Audrina and Heidi used to be best friends, and then once again, Stephanie becomes conversation fodder as Heidi is caught up on the Doug drama.  Heidi reflects upon the time that she went to Laguna to meet Lauren's family and how she heard about Doug then, and how he was "her [Lauren's] Doug" and her high school sweetheart.  Oooh, Stephen Colletti is pissed right now!  Totes upstaged.  Anyway, Heidi has the balls to look horrified and claim that she would never do that to her friend.  No, Heidi, you would just spread vicious rumors about an alleged sex tape and let your evil boyfriend handle all of the soul destroying.  Heidi ends by inviting them to the Bolthouse skate ramp event, and all of this time Lo has been sitting silently, making The Hills trademark big eyes, and sipping on her drink until the blonde banshee decides to take her leave.

Heidi and Spencer's Apartment:  Stephanie comes into the apartment to let Spencer in on the giant secret that Doug has asked her to dinner.  Even Spencer has the sense to know that that just ain't right and "L.C" is going to freak out when she finds out.  But Stephanie insists that the dinner is just as friends.  Um, yeah... okay.

X Games Party:  Ah, okay, the skate ramp makes a lot more sense now.  Isn't context just so crucial?  Spencer and Heidi invite Justin and Audrina to take a seat on their web couch, and Spencer tries to make small talk about the Batman movie and it is really painful to watch as the four of them combined probably couldn't explain the intracacies of a Sesame Street plot, let alone The Dark Knight.  There is a lot of vapid nodding and then we're back on the topic of Doug and Stephanie.  Audrina and Heidi expound upon how they just want to surround themselves with positive people, and Stephanie totally harshes their vibe, and then Heidi starts going on about how she said some things to Lauren that she shouldn't have said, and Audrina randomly cites the fact that they're all grownups now (you know, a whole one year later).  And anyway, non sequitir much?

Beso:  Dude, you totally do not go on a friend date at a restaurant that translates to KISS!!  Doug and Stephanie talk about Brody and whether they do or do not get along with him, respectively.  Stephanies asks if it's weird that he dated Lauren (I'm not sure if she is still referring to Brody here, or if she's talking about Doug), and Doug smarms, "Not at all," complete with suggestive eyes and slight leer.  As they're exchanging empty glances, Brody's mom enters the restaurant and comes over to say hi to Stephanie.  Doug introduces himself to her, and she asks if they're on a date.  Their words tumble over each other as they each claim that, no, absolutely not on a date!  Just friends!  Don't even know who she is!  You said your name is Doug, right?  So, when I enter this into my handy dandy Hills translator, it comes up as "Yes, we're definitely going to make out at some point tonight, but please don't tell Brody because he will just LOVE this."

Epic Records:  Audrina and Chiara are chatting, and Audrina brings up the time that she and Lo have spent together and then, of course, the Doug Dategate comes up again.

Lauren, Lo, and Audrina's House:  Some blonde girl with glasses and a suitcase comes into the house--oh wait, that's Lauren, I'd forgotten about that girl!  Anyway, she yaps about Italy comparing the men there to construction workers, which if you actually heard the entire metaphor is actually kind of apt.  Lo and Audrina fill Lauren in on all of the Heidi, Spencer, Doug drama, and the amount of eyebrow raising is alarming.  I'm a little afraid Lauren's eyebrows are going to fly clear off of her face.

Loteria Grill:  Brody and Lauren are out for dinner and of course, Brody drops the "I told you so", bringing up the Doug and Stephanie date or, as Doug put it, a business dinner (???).  Lauren admits sullenly that she's pissed, but rightly brings up the fact that Doug is just as wrong as Stephanie for clearly just doing everything in his power to make Lauren jealous.  I don't know, Lauren dumped him... I'm kind of thinking tempest in a teapot.  Ooh, that should be the subtitle for this show, The Hills: Tempest in a Teapot.

Before I close, I would just like to point out that once again, Whitney was missing from an episode, and if you missed her as much as I did, you'll probably be thrilled to know that a reality show featuring Whitney working for Diane von Furstenberg in NYC (I think I read that it will be called The City) has been picked up and will begin airing in 2009.  I've got to tell you, Whitney is just about the best thing The Hills has to offer, and I have a feeling that New York is going to be a million times more interesting than L.A.  You can read the article here.

Back in Business With The Hills

One of the casualties of the last couple of weeks' hectic pace has been The Hills. God forbid I miss Gossip Girl, but The Hills has just taken a backseat to the greatness that is The X-Files and I've just gotten around to catching up on the past three episodes.  Now, I'm not going to torment you all with a War and Peace length blog entry recapping all three of these episodes, but a quick rundown of the first two should get us all caught up to speed. 

In episode four of the season, "Boys Make Girls Cry", we see absolutely NO WHITNEY!  Note to The Hills producers?  This is unacceptable, and the show felt all the more empty and hollow for this omission.  Anyway, the crew flies down to Vegas for Frankie's birthday (also known as The Guy Who Is Brody Jenner's Friend, and has gotten more screen time in this season than he did in the previous three combined--at this rate, that random girl who's always hanging around him might actually get a couple of speaking parts and MAYBE even her name on screen with a caption!), Brody is mean to Stephanie (thereby giving the episode its title as he does, in fact, make her cry), tensions between Audrina and Lauren mount, and at the very end of the show we find that Doug and Brody have somehow landed themselves in jail.  Back in L.A. Holly, Heidi's sister, has moved in with Heidi and Spencer which elevates Spencer to new heights of assholery and douchebaggery.  Although, I don't know if I can really blame him--if someone deleted a bunch of shows from my DVR, I'd probably go postal too.

In "Something Has to Change" we discover that surprise, surprise, that whole jail thing got blown a little out of proportion, and in fact, Doug and Brody were just in the casino jail pressing charges against some drunk guy that punched Doug in the chest.  Ugh.  Whatever.  We return to L.A. to find WHITNEY! busy at work and ready and willing to act as Lauren's therapist regarding the Audrina situation.  Whitney gets an opportunity to work as the main stylist for one of People's Revolution's clients, and that's about all the Whitney we get.  Would someone please give this girl her own show!  Meanwhile, Spencer spitefully tells Holly that Heidi wants her to move out which of course crushes Holly, but in the end the sisters talk it over, hopefully both realize that Spencer is evil incarnate and then they hug it out.  In the final moments of the episode, we finally see the teardrop heard round the world as Lauren and Audrina finally have it out once and for all and actually seem to reconcile.  I have to be honest, that made me cry.  I mean, what girl hasn't been at that place with a friend, where it would be so easy to just give up and go your separate ways but instead you both decide that your friendship is worth it and you decide to give it another go?  We'll see how it turns out in the end, but it was a nice, rare moment of reality television sincerity.

The next episode, "You Always Miss a Best Friend", opens in Heidi and Spencer's kitchen as Holly bemoans the fact that she knows nobody in L.A. aside from Heidi and... dun dun DUN... Lauren.  At this, Spencer glares evilly from below lowered eyebrows and deadpans, "Yeah, you should totally hang out with Lauren, she's really cool."  Heidi asks if Holly has spoken to Lauren and Holly says no, that they've lost touch.  Heidi then goes on to drop the bomb on the viewing audience that apparently Holly and Lauren were once "really close"--could anyone fill me in on this?  Holly wasn't in Laguna Beach, was she?  Heidi kind of mumbles and stutters about how she can't tell Holly who she can and can't spend time with, but Spencer pipes up joyfully with an "I can!" as he lays down the law about how there will be no Lauren socializing or "fraternizing" while Holly is living under his roof.  Um, okay then, good luck with that you blowhard.

People's Revolution: Lauren and Whitney are eating... something... and Lauren passes on the news that she and Audrina are back together and then receives a "random" text from Holly saying that they should get together.  Lauren, who is apparently suffering from some kind of laryngitis, hoarsely whispers that she feels conflicted about whether she should hang out with Holly, to which Whitney responds with an encouraging nod and big eyes.  But then Lauren waffles a bit more and Whitney points out that it never hurts to have another friend in a big city.  Yeah, but do those friends really have to be Montags and Pratts??

Epic Records: Audrina is clickety clacking away (And OH, she has an INCUBUS poster in her cubicle!  Have I ever talked here about how utterly obsessed I was with Incubus when I was in late high school and early college?  This was in stark contrast the the Backstreet Boys phase that I had only recently exited.) and then receives a phone call from her boss who calls her into her office to tell Audrina that she will be her right hand at a very big concert for one of their bands in L.A.  I suppose Audrina will be able to fit this in between her tearful reconciliations with friends and filming scenes for the epic film, Into the Blue 2.

Amandine's Patissierie: I tell you what, if I ever go to L.A. I have a list about a mile long of all of the restaurants this show has featured that I am dying to try.  Anywho, Holly is waiting at an outside table as Lauren comes running toward her and they embrace warmly each trying to outdo the other with gushing compliments.  Holly does indeed look a zillion times better as she's taken out those awful extensions, and she gives Lauren the news that she is living with Heidi and Spencer and she hopes that won't come between them.  Hm, maybe she and Stephanie Pratt should have a chat about this.  Okay, Holly gives us some back story that apparently she and Heidi and Lauren were once like "The Three Musketeers".  Seriously, when the hell did all of this happen?  I am so lost right now.

Amalfi Ristorante: Justin (Bobby) and Audrina are at dinner being utterly boring as they once again recap the drama between Lauren, Lo and Audrina.  I am so ready to move on from this.  Audrina (unwisely?) invites Justin to her work event/concert the next night and he accepts.  Why do I feel like this is just not going to end well?

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House: Lauren and Audrina are in the kitchen and Audrina invites Lauren to the work event and the after party and then asks about Stephanie.  Lauren uses this to segue into the news that she had lunch with Holly and Audrina has the sense to look skeptical, but then mentions that Holly is a good influence on Heidi.  So, okay...

Roosevelt Hotel, White Tie Affair Showcase:  I think for the first time in the history of the show, Audrina is shown doing something that could actually be construed as productive as she meets with her boss and the label president for a preshow pow wow, and then looks adorably proud of herself as things are kicked off.  She sees Lauren, Lo and Stephanie across the room and goes to greet them.  But not so surprisingly, Justin is still nowhere to be found and isn't returning any texts that Audrina sends.

Heidi and Spencer's Apartment:  Heidi enters the room wearing a hat that is probably the very same one that I thought looked so adorable on Whitney in Paris, but looks utterly stupid on her pointy blonde head.  Holly confesses that she went to lunch with Lauren, and Heidi acts all betrayed by this but Holly tells Heidi, "You're both like little sisters to me" to which Heidi responds, "But I AM your little sister!"  Ouch!  Unintentional hilarity at its finest!  Point 1 goes to Heidi, I think.  Heidi does look truly hurt by this turn of events however, and I suppose I can kind of understand that, but Holly manages to sneak into the conversation that she knows Lauren misses Heidi and she doesn't think things are so bad that they can't be repaired.  Uh.  Apparently Holly doesn't watch The Hills.

Roosevelt Hotel, White Tie Affair Showcase: Stephanie is chatting with the guitarist of the White Tie Affair about their various piercings and tattoos, and as riveting as this convo is, I think I'll leave it to your imagination.  Lo asks Audrina about Justin who is still MIA and there are lots of sad faces all around as Audrina comes to the sad, sad realization that he's not going to show.  You know, just like every other time this has happened.

Epic Records: Audrina reports back to Chiara that the event went smashingly but that Justin didn't show up and she never heard anything from him.  Then she goes on to cliche about how she just "gives, gives, and gives and he never gives anything back" and that they have great chemistry but he never acts like he cares about her.  That's a pretty amazing sign of awareness from Audrina, but we'll see if she actually does anything about it.

FIDM: Lauren and Stephanie are whispering at the back of the classroom as per usual, this time about Lauren's lunch with Holly.  Stephanie looks completely terrifying, like some kind of goth Pippi Longstocking as she nods sympathetically and asks appropriate questions in response to Lauren's story.

Toast: Heidi is having lunch with Kimberley, who I think is someone she works with, and again is talking about Holly having lunch with Lauren and then comes an outpouring of regret over the whole situation between her and Lauren.  She even goes so far as revealing that she said a lot of things she didn't mean and that she had never had a best friendship like the one she had with Lauren.  Ugh, this is really hard to watch too, because it is hitting just as close to home as the Audrina/Lauren storyline.  Heidi has big tearful doe eyes as she opines that maybe Holly will help her and Lauren come back together.

FIDM: Then, in case we needed an anvil dropped on our heads about the foreshadowing going on right now, we're back at FIDM where Lauren is waxing nostalgic about her friendship with Heidi.

The final lines of the show set things up pretty patly:

Heidi:  Maybe one day, by, like, a miracle, we'll be friends again.

Stephanie:  Didn't seeing Holly again make you miss Heidi?
Lauren: Yeah, you always miss a best friend...

Heidi:  Who knows, maybe one day...

Okay, and on that note, I'm going to go cry into my pillow for a little while....

The Hills: Drama Follows Them

Catch up on the exciting and dramatic events of last week right here.

Wow, last night was chock full of bitchy one liners and some pretty serious family drama, so let's not waste any time getting straight to the juicy stuff!

FIDM:  Stephanie is relating to Lauren the details of her upcoming birthday party which Lauren immediately uses to segue into her own boyfriend storyline, asking if she can bring him along.  I often wonder how the teacher feels about filming taking place in her class.  I mean, obviously Lauren and Stephanie (oh my God, I totally just typed Heidi!) have to talk to each other in class in order to get any good footage, and I would think that would royally piss me off if I'm trying to teach people how to design a spring line, or whatever, and these two blonde dingbats are just chattering on about all of their very important drama while the cameras roll.  Anyway, Stephanie assures Lauren that Heidi and Spencer will not be in attendance at her birthday party, saying that drama always follows when they're around.  Then Lauren utters what may just be the best line of the night, "Well, I don't know if it follows, as much as they chase it."  Truer words have never been spoken!!

Creperie: Following the credits, we join Lauren on a date with her new hottie boy toy, Doug, at the absolutely delicious sounding Creperie.  Oh, the things I would do right now for a banana and Nutella crepe...  Doug compliments Lauren on her "white", I'm assuming he is referring to her dress, and is immensely uncomfortable on camera.  Lauren, brightly chirps that she really wishes she could find their prom pictures, to which Doug, obviously unfamiliar with the way that conversations happening off camera must be repeated when the cameras are once again rolling, sounds a little befuddled as he explains that he has the photos at his house, just like her told her the other day.  Oh Doug, you have so much to learn about the ways of reality television stardom.  He brings up Audrina which allows Lauren to exposit a bit about the drama between Lo and Audrina, and then when he's had enough of her yapping, he suggests that she ditch work and go have fun with him.  Lauren giggles and demurs, but invites him to Stephanie's birthday party.  He accepts, and when Lauren says that she hopes Spencer won't be there, Doug provides ominous foreshadowing by stating that blood is thicker than water.  Does anyone else ever just get really grossed out by that phrase?

Epic Records:  Chiara and Audrina are running down their list of things to do, and then Chiara plays the role of Audrina's Whitney, asking what she's up to that night.  This allows Audrina to fill us in on the fact that she too is planning to go to Stephanie's birthday party, and is a bit nervous because her arch enemy, Lo, will also be there with Lauren.  Dum dum DUM!!!

People's Revolution:  Whitney and Lauren are talking, and Whitney tells Lauren that she's been invited to a big dinner that night with Kelley Cutrone and a bunch of the other People's Revolution NYC head honchos.  She confesses to some nerves, citing the fact that she is still a newbie and there are going to be a lot of important people there.  Lauren brushes her off, assuring her that there's nothing to be worried about, and then moves them along to the really important topic of conversation, Stephanie's birthday party.  Whitney makes some appropriately big eyes and worried faces as Lauren mentions that Heidi and Spencer may be there, but is then summoned away by someone, presumably to do some newbie work like making coffee or giving foot rubs.

Don Antonio's:  Heidi is simpering across the table at her beloved, nearly swooning over the fact that he knows how to order for her.  Ugh.  The would have that kind of relationship.  Spencer ignores a call from Stephanie, and then goes all psycho crazy face about how he is totally not going to talk to his sister while she's friends with Lauren.  Heidi sort of agrees, but then counters that Stephanie is family and they should go and be supportive.  This easily translates to: "Like hell you're keeping me away from a potential explosion with Lauren while the cameras are rolling!  These boobs didn't pay for themselves, sucka!"  Spencer is emphatically shaking his head, but is eventually pretty easily convinced, qualifying it with the statement that he will never speak with Stephanie again if she continues her friendship with Lauren.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House:  Lo and Lauren are sharing a mirror in the bathroom as they get ready for Stephanie's party.  Lo asks how old Stephanie is turning, and Lauren responds with, "Twenty two, she's our age."  Oh my God, I always forget how YOUNG these girls are!  Lo gets about as mushy as she is capable, saying that she's glad that Doug will be going, and Lauren's all, "Who would have thought, four years later!"  Yeah, it's such a weird coincidence when boys from your past want to come back into your life when you've reached the peak of your fame!  Or at least, I imagine that would be the case--boys from my past mostly just want to send me pictures of their new babies.  They get on the topic of Heidi, Spencer, and Stephanie and Lauren goes into some philosophical discussions about trust and how she believes that everyone should be given a chance, and it's really nice, but also kind of stupid.  Then again, she's twenty two, she still has many years left for her bitterness and cynicism to become fully developed.  Audrina comes in to see how they're doing, Lauren makes sure that Audrina is still planning to go to the party, and Lo just stands in the background, making stink faces and ensuring that her eyeshadow is properly applied.

Simon Restaurant, People's Revolution Dinner:  Kelley proposes a toast to People's Revolution and everyone raises their glasses for some clinkies before bipolar Kelley changes her mind and starts stabbing them all with her wine glass.  Kelley begins running down all of the important things going on in New York, with an aside to Whitney that she'd like to bring her out there some time.  Jessica, the poor put upon LA publicist who is unfortunate enough to not have her own reality television show, tries to pipe up with--well, I don't even know what she's talking about, but Kelley goes Bitchzilla on this girl.  I honestly don't understand exactly what all of these people are doing, so I don't understand the conflict, but Kelley raises her hands in the air, starts bobbing her head from side to side, looks Jessica dead in the eyes and then mocks the crap out of her with this sort of high pitched, "Pretty, pretty, happy, happy?  Pitch stories, you have to have common sense."  I mean, can anyone explain what the hell just happened?

Lauren and Lo Driving to Stephanie's Birthday Party:  Lo is looking all kinds of scary with an aggressively sparkly silver dress, blood red lipstick, and this insanely humongous side swept bang thing going on.  Lo is one of those people who just looks infinitely better in her natural state than all glammed up.  Lauren, on the other hand is looking as fresh faced as ever in a gorgeous blue, white, and yellow color block dress as they proclaim how excited they are to be on their way to the party.  Apparently, Doug has already gotten in good with Brody Jenner as he will be coming to the party from dinner with Brody and their friend Frankie--seriously, this guy is so fishy Catholics could eat him for dinner on Fridays.  Lauren muses about whether Audrina will show up or not and then wonders why can't they all just get along.  Lo defensively claims that they are all getting along, specifying that the ones that matter are all getting along.  Zing, zing, zing went the trolley!

Boulevard 3 Nightclub:  Lauren and Lo join Stephanie who is already sitting with a few of her friends.  I absolutely adore Stephanie's birthday girl dress, it has a lovely powder blue, floaty and gossamer-like skirt with an empire waist and white bust and she looks stunning in it.  I, however, would look like I'd forgotten to change out of my nightgown if I left the house in that.  Audrina shows up wearing the tiniest, shiny gold thing I have ever seen, and is followed by Doug, Frankie, and Brody.  They're all sitting around having drinks, when Lo leans across the table to ask how Audrina is doing.  The only way that I can explain the following conversation is that Lo must have been very, very drunk already.  Plus, she has some truly creepy lighting effect going on, much like when someone holds a flashlight under their chin to tell a ghost story.  The whole thing is a bit surreal.  Audrina looks confused, answering that she's doing fine, and then Lo gives her this grimace of a smile and says, "I'm glad we talked!" very perkily before turning back to Lauren.  Audrina just sits there, staring blankly, jaw hanging.  Stephanie looks like she's having a blast and then... Spencer shows up, carrying a huge balloon bouquet with Heidi in tow.  Stephanie looks immensely happy to have all of her loved ones there, and then Brody bursts the bubble, declaring that he's peacing out before the drama starts and leaving with Frankie.  Everyone is sitting around, careful not to actually make eye contact with anyone else, when Spencer mutters loudly enough that people in China probably heard him, "Can't we get these obnoxious chicks away?"  Lo is whispering urgently in Lauren's ear, convincing her to leave and finally Lauren caves.  In a span of five minutes Stephanie goes from adorably elated to crushed, as her birthday celebration implodes.

Stephanie's Apartment:  It's the next morning, and Spencer shows up at Stephanie's door to discuss the previous night.  He tells her that he showed up at her party only because she was his sister, but he's still not okay with her "jumping ship" and becoming friends with Lauren.  Stephanie tells him that she just wants to be friends with everybody and not get in the middle of the drama.  Then Spencer shows a shocking awareness of world events and compares himself and Lauren to Iran and Israel, in a not so shocking display of self-importance.  Stephanie, in a nice turn of phrase, tells Spencer that he's being more rash and she's being more rational.  The argument continues in this vein, with Spencer telling Stephanie at one point that if he could have "unmade" her his sister years ago, he would have.  Good Lord, he is just a really mean dude, I don't know what makes him think Stephanie should feel any sense of loyalty toward him when this is how he treats her.  Spencer eventually lays it out that if Stephanie continues to have anything to do with Lauren and her friends, she is out of his life.  Oh Spencer, promises, promises!

People's Revolution:  Kelley summons Whitney to her lair and informs her of the fact that she recently fired unfortunate-publicist-Jessica because the People's Revolution "voice" was not being maintained in L.A.  Then she drops the bomb that they are offering Whitney Jessica's job and will expect her to begin living a bi coastal lifestyle.  Whitney looks shell-shocked, probably remembering how horribly Jessica was treated, but still accepts the job without hesitation.

FIDM:  Stephanie blows into class and immeidately goes into a litany of apologies about the birthday party, assuring Lauren that she and Spencer are totally finished.  To Lauren's credit, it looks like she may be wising up to all of this drama as she evenly meets Stephanie's gaze and tells her that none of her friends trust her and the birthday party debacle just reinforced everything that they've been telling her all along.  At the rate things are going, it looks as though Stephanie may be well on her way to not having any more friends at all.  Well, I hear Paris Hilton is taking applications, so I suppose she always has that as a back up.

The Hills Are Back in Town

After a terribly long dry spell of... well, three months, The Hills is back!  The season came in like a lamb, so I expect it to go out with lots of fireworks, vengeance, and at least three 30 second wordless, wide eyed stares.  But you know, that's part of what I love (hate?) about this show--how absolutely NOTHING can happen and yet you can still feel the palpable drama emanating from your tv screen and wrapping itself around you like a fuzzy blanket.  And now for the season four premiere of The Hills...

We'll Never Be Friends

We begin with a recap of the events of last season, Whitney and Lauren are working as stylists at People's Revolution, Heidi almost moved to Vegas, but just in the nick of time the dastardly Spencer showed up and whisked her back to L.A. where he tied her to some train tracks and then stood by twirling his mustache waiting for the next train to come along.  Well, actually he just convinced her to move back in with him and then Heidi got in some serious trouble at work for pulling a vanishing act during an important client meeting, but you know, close enough.  Audrina, Lo, and Lauren are all living together, and Lo has been busy making life miserable for everyone, then shoving the blame off on Audrina.

People's Revolution: Lauren and Whitney are flipping through a rack of blue jeans--I know this job was supposed to be a huge step up from Teen Vogue, so why is it that it seems that they're always doing the same exact thing here as they were there?  Anyway, Whitney performs her critical duty to the series, asking Lauren what she has been up to lately.  Lauren responds that she and Lo are planning to throw a birthday pool party for Audrina.  Now, remember this, because it is very important later--LAUREN and LO are throwing AUDRINA a birthday party.  Okay, we've got it.  Then Lauren delivers the exciting news that she has a date tonight!  Whitney gamely squees in glee as they giggle and have a mini celebration amongst the denim, then asks for details.  Turns out that Doug, the date in question, took Lauren to his high school prom many moons ago, and just "happened" to run into her in L.A.  "What a coincidence, Lauren!  I see you have a television show now, how about I take you out for dinner!  Don't worry, those two thoughts are completely unrelated!"

Lauren then reveals that she hasn't really dated a guy, as in more than one date, since Heidi and Spencer set her up with the charmingly smarmy Brody Jenner in, when was that, Season 2?  Damn, Lauren needs some man time y'all!  They end the scene with a bit more squealing and then Natasha comes in, singing to us that the rest is still unwritten as shots of Lauren and company having the time of their lives dance across the screen.  Ah, to live your life as a television montage.  So much more glamorous than my montage, which would mostly contain a lot of laundry, dog wrangling, and blogging.

Bolthouse:  The scene begins with that Pussycat Dolls song, "When I Grow Up", and I just have to tell you, I was recently crushed to find that the words to the chorus are "When I grow up I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have GROUPIES."  Not, "I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have BOOBIES."  Whatever, I still sing my version, because it is so much more hilarious and autobiographical that way.  Heidi is talking to the most recent girl paid to be her friend, Kimberley.  Turns out that Heidi's sister is coming in town today and Heidi still hasn't had the balls to tell Spencer that she'll be there.  How unhealthy is that?  She's afraid to tell her fiance that her sister is visiting because she's afraid he'll be mad at her.  Gross.

Epic Records:  Now Audrina and her coworker and friend, Chiara, are discussing their weekend plans.  Audrina mentions her birthday party, Chiara makes skeptical faces when she finds out that Lauren is throwing it, and then asks if Lo is involved.  Audrina sighs wearily and shrugs then, I quote, "Lo's always super-bitchy.  That's just how she is."  So, it is safe to say that relations have not improved over the summer.

Heidi & Spencer's Apartment:  Heidi's sister, Holly, and Spencer are slumped on the couch and recliner respectively in a hilarious tableau of mute awkwardness when Heidi comes trilling through the door.  Spencer is obviously the host from hell, as Heidi and Holly hug, he glares at Heidi, then stalks into the bedroom growling "I'm gonna let you ladies catch up with each other."  Then, without even attempting to keep Holly from overhearing, he proceeds to chastise Heidi for having her sister over while they're just trying to put their relationship back together.  Let me tell you, Spence, this is NOT the way to do that.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House:  Lauren is getting ready for her date and as Lo observes, Lauren tells her that she and Audrina should have a fun night tonight.  Lo makes big eyes of skepticism, then does this weird quote fingers thing without saying a word, and then mutters "Yeah, well" the way an eye roll would sound if it were audible.  Then it's Lauren's turn to make big eyes when the doorbell rings.  You know, Lauren is a beautiful girl, she should not be so shocked when a date actually shows up on her doorstep.  Anyway, Doug is cute in a generic, fratty way and as they drive to their date location, they reminisce about what a dork Lauren used to be for liking him when she was younger, and he merely chuckles and agrees... and, huh?  Sigh.  Anyway.

Red Pearl Kitchen:  It's date time, and this actually looks like a really cool restaurant, but of course, it is ruined by the most insane conversation of all time:
Doug:  So what have you been up to for the past four years?  (As though he doesn't watch the reality show of the girl with whom he went to prom.  I'm sure.)
Lauren: I know, I feel like I haven't seen you for four years and we have four years to catch up on over dinner! (Way to not answer the question.)
Doug: Orders a Stella
Lauren: I think your drink says a lot about you!
Doug: So, what does my beer say about me?
Lauren: (With a smitten kitten grin firmly in place) That you're a guy's guy!
While I'm at home thinking, Stella?  Really?  Can beer possibly get more girly than that without becoming a cider?  Anyway, Lauren invites Doug to Audrina's birthday party, he pretends he doesn't watch The Hills some more, and he agrees to go.

Heidi and Spencer's Apartment:  Heidi and Holly are up making breakfast when CaveSpencer emerges from his bedroom, rudely turns down the eggs Holly proffers, passive aggressively attacks Heidi about Holly being there, and then goes back to bed.  That was fun!

Audrina's Birthday Party:  Lauren, Audrina, and Lo are outside preparing for the party as people start to arrive, and soon the backyard is filled with Audrina's friends.  Lo begins to moan about how she's so uncomfortable with all of these people that she doesn't know, saying that she feels like she and Lauren are doing all of the work and Audrina isn't pulling her weight.  First of all, since when did Lo transform from bubbly, outgoing party girl to Esther Greenwood?  And second, it's AUDRINA'S party!  That LAUREN and LO are throwing!  Audrina shouldn't HAVE to do the work, and of COURSE her friends are there.  GAH!  I really miss the Lo that use to drop in every few episodes to point out how screwed up Lauren's love live was, make some witty comments about the current state of affairs and then disappeared again.  I loved that Lo.  I wanted to be friends with that Lo.  This Lo I just want to throttle.  Audrina comes in and Lo questions her about who was invited, then when Audrina is done rattling off a few names, Lo looks down her nose, raises her voice a few octaves and states snottily, "Well, we'll just have to enjoy the company that comes."  Lauren has the decency to look shocked at this and then gives Lo the glare that your mom used to give you when you were tantrumming in the middle of the grocery store.

Prive Salon:  Heidi is seing to it that Holly gets a Hollywood makeover, which seems to consist of adding a crapload of ratty extensions and paying no attention to the five inches of mousy brown roots transitioning into bleach blond ends.  Stunning!  Anyway, Holly pointedly asks about Heidi's relationship and why she never talks to her family about it anymore and Heidi defends herself saying that she's an adult now and she can handle things without their input and doesn't have to share everything with mom and dad anymore.  You know, except for when Spencturd is mean to her and she runs off to Colorado to live with mom and dad for a while.  That's totally different though.  Holly then asks when was the last time Heidi saw Lauren and if she misses her and Heidi just demurs.  Holly then says, "I'm just concerned cuz, just, I don't want you to have to sacrifice anything else for your relationship."  And the rest of America would like to second that emotion!

Audrina's Birthday Party:  Doug pulls Lauren down on his lap, trying to get all romantical with her, asking why she hasn't been hanging around with him, she kind of murmurs some stuff about being the host, looks seriously uncomfortable, and then scurries off suddenly remembering the cake.  Methinks some trouble in paradise?  Lauren enters the kitchen as Lo comes back downstairs after playing with the dog upstairs for about an hour.  Lauren, looking very hassled, tells Lo that she needs her help and it doesn't matter if they don't know Audrina's friends, they still need to make an effort.  Lo claims that she feels they are making an effort and Audrina's not reciprocating.  Lauren goes outside and talks to a friend about the Lo/Audrina situation and he tells her that maybe she just needs to accept that they can't all be friends.  Lauren looks very sad as she stares off into middle distance and soliloquies, "I just... I want us to be the way we used to be."  Oh Lauren, growing up is hard to do, isn't it?  I feel ya, sister.

Heidi and Spencer's Apartment:  Heidi and Spencer walk Holly out to her car where Holly drops the bomb that she's considering moving out to Hollywood and potentially moving in with Heidi and Spencer until she finds a place to live.  Heidi gets all excited at the prospect and Spencer focuses on keeping his head from exploding.  As Holly drives off into the distance Spencer blows his gasket at Heidi and then stalks inside.  It's so refreshing to see a healthy relationship like theirs portrayed on television!

People's Republic:  Whitney asks about the birthday party and Lauren recaps for us the disastrous events of the day.  But apparently Lauren gave Lo her marching orders that she was to talk to Audrina because she can't take being in the middle anymore.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House:  Lo knocks on the door of Audrina's pool house and Audrina welcomes her in.  Lo makes some smalltalk about the party and then, in the most insincere tone imaginable, she slides her eyes to the right and says, "Yeah, I know, it was fun, actually I want to talk to you."  She begins by apologizing for being absent from the party and then goes on to say that she basically doesn't really think she and Audrina will ever be friends.  Audrina kind of agrees, citing the fact that Lauren and Lo have been friends for years, and she feels like whenever Lo is around, she's excluded.  There's some back and forth as they disagree over who is to blame about the rift and then Audrina cuts through the bullshit saying, "I just don't care.  We'll never be friends."  Lo looks shocked that someone just outbitched her and Audrina looks shocked that she just said that, and that's a wrap for the season premiere.  Thoughts?

This Weekend I...

... Started looking into tap and ballet classes after being influenced by this post from Tasterspoon and this scene from Carefree with Fred & Ginger.  I've been thinking about going back to dance ever since I moved here.  I figured it could be a good way to meet people, it would make for a couple of hours of fun exercise each week, and really I just miss dancing.  I'm not a good dancer, but I love it all the same, and some of my earliest memories involve barre work and a pair of tap shoes.  I'm hoping to rope a friend into this with me and I have until August 30th to decide for sure, but I'm already kind of excited about the prospect.

... Fell madly in love with Bela Karolyi.  I know most red blooded American women are lusting over Michael Phelps or Ryan Lochte, but I have developed very strong feelings for that Romanian devil, Mr. Karolyi.  Of course, he is an adorable older gentleman, and I have always had a weakness for adorable older gentlemen (although they generally look more like Santa Claus) (and drive 18 wheelers), but mostly I just love him because he will boldly say what everyone else is afraid to say.  He has called out the underage Chinese girls multiple times, he decried the over inflation of some of the gymnast's scores while Nastia and Shawn pulled off nearly flawless routines and still struggled to maintain the gold and silver, and then when Alicia was bumped out of medal contention on Sunday even after Cheng Fei flat out FELL on her vault, he was infuriated and close to tears.  Thanks, Bela, for saying on public television the things that I am screaming from my couch in a raging, frothy fury.

... Went to my first ever book club meeting.  I've always had this fantasy of what a book club meeting would be like.  My imaginary location would vary and the faces of the other book club members were hazy, but one thing that was always the same was that we had all read the book and were discussing the plot in great detail.  So, it was a little disappointing when it turned out I was the only one who finished the book.  We still managed to have some great discussions, talking for close to three hours, and it was really nice to meet some more people with similar interests.  And honestly, I just love me some Francie Nolan.  In my mind, she ranks right up there with my long time beloved literary heroines--Jo March, Emily Byrd Starr, Anne Shirley, Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler, and sweet Anne Frank.  I'm in charge of picking our next book and am considering I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith or Cold Comfort Farm  by Eileen Atkins--any thoughts or other recommendations?

... Officially completely destroyed my sleep schedule.  Between all of the reading I've been doing--Twilight for fun, school books for... well, school, and Brooklyn for the book club, as well as the screwy West Coast delay Olympics schedule, I've been staying up until after 3 am for a couple of weeks now.  Last night we had a very rare storm, complete with some pretty impressive thunder and lightning, and the dogs totally freaked the hell out.  I ended up staying up with them and talking to Colby until about 5:30 before I could finally fall asleep.  Unfortunately, I don't have any of that lovely Ambien pictured above, and red wine or Nyquil does nothing for me at bed time (just in the mid afternoon, of course), so I'm going to try staying awake all night and then just go to bed early on Monday and wake up at a decent hour on Tuesday.

... Finally got a call back on one of my job applications!  I'm supposed to have a group interview this week, so I'm feeling a little bit more positive about the whole job situation now.  I also turned in an application for a part time child care position with a company that came recommended by two separate people in two completely separate conversations in as many days.  One of my friends is an employee at the location I'm applying to, so I was able to put her down as a reference and submitted my application this evening.  I'd love to have the retail job because the employee discount is incredible and it seems like a nice environment, but it would be really great to have a job in child care so that I'll have that for my resume when I'm looking for a teaching position in a couple of years.  Anyway, I think the lesson that we can all learn from this is that if you bitch and moan for long enough, eventually things will start to go your way.  One day at a time.

So, that was my weekend!  Now I'm just gearing up for an exciting week that holds The Hills season premiere, and of course subsequent recap right here, an outing to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and the job interview.  I have a feeling my next weekend recap will be here before I know it!

Little Heart Squeezes

You know what I mean by heart squeeze, right?  When something good or bad happens and then you get that little squeezy feeling right around your heart, like a band of emotion is just closing in around your chest?  Sometimes it results in tears, sometimes my breath just starts to come a little bit faster until the band dissolves, but over the past twenty four hours I have had one after another.

• Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was pushed back for a release date of July 17, 2009.  I am just... heartbroken.  I know that is completely ridiculous, after all IT'S JUST A MOVIE, but I am amazed at just how much I miss Harry Potter in my life, and apparently I was looking forward to this release a little bit more than I realized.  WB gave the most ridiculous reasons for the push, and I think it's not quite a coincidence that the movie version of Twilight is scheduled to be released just a couple of weeks after the original Half Blood Prince release date.  I think WB was just afraid of being knocked out of the top spot by another kid friendly, immensely popular fantasy movie.
• That women's gymnastics all around competition nearly killed me.  Granted, it was very late, and I was very tired, but I was this close to a complete Hulk type tantrum when those judges kept over-inflating the Chinese scores and giving Shawn and Nastia the most ridiculous deductions.  I think the medals were given to the right girls, but I really don't think that the competition should have been that close.  But let me tell you, there were some serious tears during that medal ceremony.  I loved watching Nastia's face as she focused on breathing and remaining upright while she stood on the podium, you could just see the realization that she had just won gold breaking over her face again and again.  That was a really beautiful moment for US gymnastics after a really tough week.
• A few months ago, my high school boyfriend's mother passed away from cancer, and that was a hard thing to accept, then I found out yesterday that the man who was my high school band teacher and the father of one of my friend's ex-boyfriends passed away a few days ago.  Sad enough on its own, but when combined with the other parent death, it hit me pretty hard.  I don't like to think about my parents as mortal beings, and I can't imagine the pain that my old friends are going through.  I feel ridiculous sending them Facebook messages with my condolences, but it doesn't feel appropriate to intrude on their lives any more than that right now.
• Every time the phone rings, I race to answer it thinking that it might be one of the companies I've applied with calling to set up an interview.  One of the managers I dropped an application with told me to my face that she'd be calling this week to set up an interview, and nothing.  Honestly, this is one of the suckiest things I've ever been through.    Yesterday my hair dresser told me that the unemployment rate for high school age kids is at its highest right now, and I tell you what--I feel their pain!  I'm putting in another couple of applications this weekend, but yesterday was a pretty low point for me when I realized that I have a college degree, I have tons of experience in the work place, as well as personal recommendations from CEOs of companies and colonels in the military, and I can't even find a job selling an effing skirt.  What the hell world?

Anyway, I could go on and on ad nauseum, but I still have a long chapter and an article to read and outline for school today and the day isn't getting any longer.  I have a pretty quiet weekend planned--just working on a 30-minute presentation on "Teaching with Purpose" and a book club meeting tomorrow, which means I should probably try to finish A Tree Grows in Brooklyn before 6:30 pm tomorrow night!

My Thoughts on Twilight—Please Don’t Shoot!

So, the Twilight saga.  That was… interesting.  Before I get to the truly spoilery bits that I just must discuss, I’ll do a little non-spoiler review up here in plain sight.  But I warn you, after the jump it’s all spoilers all the time around here.

I’ll start by saying that I truly am happy for Stephanie Meyer.  She has had an “overnight” success that most authors only dream about, and I can only dream of how thrilling it must be to see your words in print and adored by throngs of screaming fans.  She had an intriguing idea for a story, and in a way that sounds like a backhanded compliment though that is not my intent, it is a nice reminder that we don’t all have to be Hemingways or Joyces to be published and appreciated for our work.

With all of that being said, the best rating I can give the series, as a whole, is a solid 3 out of 5 stars.  And that rating is very heavily inflated by how much I liked the first book, because in my opinion, the whole story began to spin out of control from there.  This series and the cult like following that it has gained over the past couple of years has been compared time and again to the Harry Potter phenomenon, but I’m sorry, I just don’t see these books being as wildly, obscenely successful as the Potter series, and with good reason.  Of course, that could all change when the movie comes out and it is introduced to a new audience of potential fans, but by then the anticipation for the next book won’t really be there (as far as I am aware the series is finished, though I could be wrong) so I don’t think it will have quite the same effect as the movie version of Sorcerer’s Stone did. 

Even beyond that, I just don’t think that the story of the human, Bella Swan, and vampire, Edward Cullen, has anywhere close to the same epic sweep and wide ranging appeal as did the story of the boy wizard.  In their defense, the books do have a rather beautiful, though admittedly somewhat creepy, love story and an original twist on the old Dracula storyline, but they just can’t compare with the absolute mastery Rowling displayed in her take on the good vs. evil and hero’s quest archetypes.

But it’s really not fair to blame Meyer for not being J.K. Rowling.  I doubt that she started circulating these comparisons herself, and it isn’t fair to judge her story in comparison to Potter and co.  In all honesty, I’m not sure we’ll see another publishing phenomenon like that of Harry Potter again in our lifetime, so it’s only natural that newspapers and reviewers are just trying to fill the void by creating hype through comparisons.  But, enough, let’s get to the Twilight books themselves, shall we?

I will admit that I liked Twilight very, very much.  Edward is exactly the kind of guy I would have fallen head over heels in love with when I was in high school—stunning good looks, brooding, mysterious, dark, dangerous, and a little controlling—what 13-18 year old girl wouldn’t be instantly intrigued?  I loved the development of the storyline, thought it was perfectly paced, completely entertaining, and the ending had my heart racing.  New Moon was much bleaker, but again, while I didn’t enjoy it as much as Twilight, I liked getting to know the character of Jacob Black a bit better, and appreciated how well Meyer handled Bella’s storyline—one that just about anyone who has ever been in love can identify with in some way.  But overall, it just felt slower and it lacked the spark I felt from Twilight.  Eclipse was better, still not a full return to Twilight level storytelling, but in my eyes, superior to New Moon.  The plot was fast paced, we finally got tons of much needed back story that allowed us to sympathize more with Edward’s family, and Bella had some very interesting internal struggles as she began to face the potential consequences of certain decisions she needed to make.  And then there was Breaking Dawn.

Oh, how I wished I had just stopped reading at the end of Eclipse.  I really, truly disliked Breaking Dawn.  For as interminably long as the book is (my copy is 754 pages) you’d think there would be plenty of room for character development, plot development, ANYTHING remotely interesting, but instead I felt like I was presented with wooden facades of the characters I had once known and saints preserve us, it was SO SLOW.  Also, I had to face the fact that I had begun to suspect around the end of New Moon—Bella is just not a terribly interesting or likeable character.  On top of that, events took place that really should not have taken place within the rules of the world Stephanie Meyer had so carefully laid out in the previous three books.  Okay, so enough with the vagueness, let’s get to the gory details after the jump!

This Weekend I...

...Spent Friday evening at a local Y, enduring the most torturous abs and buns workout class of my entire life.  When I was in college, I spent a semester pledging a military fraternity--I'll have to write about that some day--and every week we would have essentially a 3 hour workout from hell.  This class wasn't quite that bad mainly because there was a lot less screaming, tobacco chewing, and camouflage involved, but wow, the pain I felt reminded me so much of those nights.  After more leg lifts and crunches than I could possibly count, I ran for a little over a mile on the indoor track.  My relationship with running is so complicated.  I really do hate it so much, but then when I haven't done it for a very long time, I start to miss it.  I felt really good stretching my legs out as I did lap after lap, but it was still nice to come home to my elliptical machine.

...Went to an amazingly stereotypical Chinese restaurant with a friend to order takeout and then came home to watch the opening ceremonies.  Unfortunately, reports came back that the Amazing Chicken was not, in fact, amazing, but how about those opening ceremonies?  Good Lord, I have never seen an Olympics like this one.  I thought that the show they put on was beautiful and so far beyond impressive.  Those boxes that went up and down to mimic water and wind and Chinese symbols were amazing, and the synchronization of all of those thousands of people literally had my jaw dropping.  Some of the parade of nations uniforms though?  I think someone needs to remind a very specific portion of Eastern Europe that the early 90's are dead and gone and that puce green is very rarely an acceptable fashion choice.

...Finished my last group project for my current class, hallelujah! It was not without a great deal of annoyance on my part, as one girl in my group seemed to labor under the delusion that deadlines were mostly just suggestions, and she didn't feel the need to respond to the many, MANY messages I sent her asking where her portion of the paper was. When she did finally deign to turn it in, two days late, it came with the response, "The paper is due tomorrow. I don't see why you're making such a fuss." Imagine, if you will, stunned silence. Anyway, it's over with and I got another A. So whatever.

...Turned in another job application and then took myself shopping as a reward for surviving my group project without murdering anyone.  I scored a couple of good deals at the Banana Republic and Ann Taylor factory stores and then decided to check out Marshalls.  I have a few friends and family members that frequent stores like Marshalls and TJ Maxx and always come away with the cutest stuff, so I thought I would try my hand at bargain hunting.  Well, apparently I need lessons.  Or maybe they were just between shipments.  Because that was the hugest collection of hideous clothes that I have ever seen in one location.  I did find a couple of potentially cute things, but they were always at least a couple sizes too big.  So, I gave up and went to Target.  I can always find something adorable for under twelve dollars there.

...Went out for a friend's birthday dinner and drinks.  We went to a really tasty Mexican restaurant where I had a super spicy tomato and polenta soup and a moderately spicy ceviche.  Mostly, the margaritas were some of the best I've ever had.  When our waitress up and vanished around 10:30 we decided to try another location for one more drink and landed at a fantastic dive of a martini bar.  I had the vodka sampler that came with a watermelon infused vodka with soda, a raspberry vodka and lemonade, and of course, the jello shot.

So, that was my weekend.  How was yours?

Time Keeps on Slippin' Slippin' Slippin' Into the Future

Somehow, over a week has passed since my last post.  I do not understand where the time is going and how the days could possibly be flying by so quickly while simultaneously dragging on endlessly.  In the words of Confucius, "Time is a sneaky, sneaky bitch."  Oh, wait, no.  That was just me.  Although, Confucius did say this, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."  Creepy!  Also, this one would have been good to throw around while taking my Air Force physical fitness test, "It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."  I mean, seriously, if someone wants to shoot me, I don't think running an eight minute mile as opposed to a ten minute mile is going to change the outcome.  But anyway.  I digress!

I've been managing to keep myself fairly busy in Colby's absence--an absence which is officially one-quarter of the way over.  Hallelujah and thanks be to God!  Sometimes that seems like quite the milestone, other times I need to focus on my deep breathing exercises, because oh my God, I'm not sure I can do this for another three months.  And yet, I know I can, and I will, so the dramatics are fairly unnecessary.

I have a wonderful group of girls with whom I've been spending a lot of time.  They're other wives and girlfriends, so we have a common goal to get through this thing in one piece, and I'm still always so surprised when I can find other people to hang out with and actually ENJOY their company.  Last week alone I did a couple of gym classes, had a cookie baking, martini drinking, So You Think You Can Dance watching get together at my house, and went for a five mile hike in the Snoqualmie National Park.  And let me tell you, you have not had a chocolate chip cookie until you have had these chocolate chip cookies.  They're so good it hurts.  I've also been spending most of my waking hours tearing through the Twilight series.  Current verdict?  Fun and quick read, not as good as Harry Potter, but I'm thinking a more thorough review post will be coming as soon as I finish Breaking Dawn.

School has also been keeping me occupied.  I'm getting very close to the end of my first class, and I'm pretty sure that I'm dominating.  I've spent the last few weeks in the throes of group work agony, and let me tell you, group work over the internet?  Not easy!  I thought my first group was a bit difficult, mostly because many of them seemed to have problems with basic spelling and sentence structure (please, don't judge me based on my blog!), but I will say that they were all hard workers and very kind girls.  We managed to coordinate on a fairly complicated 18 page paper, most of it a chart in Word (product of hell as I stated previously) and it came back with a 100% grade.  This next paper I'm much more nervous about as it's due in exactly five days and I haven't even heard back from my group on who is going to work on what portion.  Group work, how I loathe thee!

Finally, the miserable, esteem crushing job search continues.  I have been rejected from the store from which I very much like to buy my furniture, with a name something along the lines of Earth Shop, and am having an awful time gettng the store where I would LOVE to work, beginning with an N ending with a strom and filled with multiple floors of delicious, buttery clothes, shoes and purses, to even take my application.  Their online application site doesn't appear to work, or it's just not compatible with my computer, and when I went in to do my application at the store, their system was down.  Because it's all done electronically, and as much as I love my computer, my internet, my TiFaux, and indoor plumbing, I think we all know that technology is a thing of the devil.  Then there's the coffee shop route.  There are actually two very well known coffee shops right down the road from my house, but seeing as I have zero experience serving up a cup of joe, I'm not sure that I'm their ideal barista.  Also, it could be dangerous working around that many pastries.

So, there, that's pretty much been my life lately and about all I see stretched out before me.  Colby is doing well, just working hard and flying when he can, and I'm just doing my homework, trying to convince a company to give me both money and an employee discount, and trying to imbibe as much vodka and eat as many cookies as I possibly can without going up a clothing size.  It's a tough life, but someone has to do it!

I Want to Believe

I had the greatest plans for this weekend, including the Highland Games with my pals BJ and Lori on Saturday and then a solo double feature on Sunday watching Mamma Mia and The X-Files.  Unfortunately, I volunteered to be the group leader for a pretty intense school project, so instead of being creeped out all by myself in one cool, dark movie theater, and then dancing in the aisles in another, I stayed rooted to the couch trying not to cry while creating tables in Word.  Have you ever created a table in Word?  Let me tell you right now:  DO NOT CREATE TABLES IN WORD!!!  What a nightmare.

I finally wrapped up enough of the project last night to take a break and read a few blogs, and the most heartbreaking one I read was a review of the X-Files movie describing it as slow moving, boring, and lacking that paranormal spark.  I'm not going to lie, I was pretty fervidly hoping that this "episode" would be amazing and spawn a whole series of X-Files movies, rather like Star Trek. 

I've been an X-Phile since the very first episode my parents allowed me to watch, I think sometime during the second season.  Once I was hooked, I started recording the episodes as they came on in syndication and the entire top row of my bedroom closet was filled with VHS tapes painstakingly labeled with 2-3 episodes per tape in chronological order starting with the pilot.  I was mad about Dana Scully's red hair and skeptical eyebrow raise, madly in love with Fox Mulder, and completely conflicted about my feelings for the Cigarette Smoking Man.  When Diana Fowler was introduced in the show, I hated her with the fires of a thousand suns mostly because she threatened the possible union of my preshus Mulder and Scully.  And when John Doggett came on the scene, followed shortly by Monica Reyes, I knew my love affair was over.

I was a senior in high school and then a young college undergrad when the X-Files wrapped up its final two seasons, and my Friday nights got too busy to keep up with the show on a regular basis.  This was before the dawn of the TiVo or TiFaux, and my parents would record episodes for me, but I think deep down inside I just didn't want to watch the show anymore without that magical Mulder and Scully combination.

I eventually moved away from home and in doing so, cleared out my overflowing X-Files VHS collection.  The show was pushed to the back of my mind for years, until I just happened to catch an episode late at night on Sci Fi, and I was amazed to find out how well the show held up over the years.  Sure, some of the effects are a little cheesy, and early Scully's hair and wardrobe is a bit dated, but at the heart of it, the ultimate quest of the show--to find the truth--is still just as compelling as ever.  I'd been looking forward to the movie since I first heard rumblings a few years ago, but now I was completely sucked back in to that dark and broody world of unexplained events.

So, now, hearing that people don't like the movie upsets me.  It's like hearing one friend talking trash about another, maybe even closer friend.  I want to stand up for the movie and defend it, but I'm not even sure what to defend yet.  I'm hoping that some time this week I'll be able to get to the theater and experience the movie myself.  I really do want to believe that it's going to be an incredible return to the characters I've known and loved for so many years, and even at it's worst, I figure it HAS to be better than sitting through "Home" again... shudder.

Still Kind of on a Blogging Sabbatical, But...

Given my blog header and well documented, almost unhealthy obsession, I had to share this news as soon as I read about it.  This is pretty much the most exciting entertainment news I've heard since I found out that they were making Phantom of the Opera into a movie, and then not, and then making it again, and then not, and then they finally really did it.

"Platt and the studio are taking formative steps toward a screen adaptation of Wicked, the stage musical that Universal co-finances and Platt produces with David Stone.

After crossing the $1 billion mark in worldwide stage gross and opening its eighth production in Australia, "Wicked" has become one of the studio's most profitable investments and could follow a stage-to-screen track reminiscent of "Mamma Mia!" which U bows Friday."

(from Variety)

I know a lot of people get their panties in a twist about Broadway shows being made into movies and how they lose their integrity and special, special snowflakeness, but I'm one of those people who believes that the easier access I have to my favorite shows, the happier I am.  And since I don't plan on moving to Manhattan anytime soon, if a musical lands on my DVD shelf, that's pretty much the happiest day of my life.  Well, aside from that whole wedding thing.  Oh, and the day we arrived in Italy.  And maybe my last day in the Air Force...  You know, it's just mostly a saying.  Don't read too much into that.

Seeing Wicked on Broadway (2005)

Seeing Wicked in Seattle (2006)

 

My sister and I performing our (we think) award winning performance of Loathing at our Wicked party.

In fact, I think it's safe to say that if this story turns out to be true, I couldn't be happier!  (With the exception of the glee experienced at aforementioned events as well as any others that may occur to me after I post this.)

My Inner Hermit Is Curled Up in A Corner Cowering

So, we're at day 5 of this deployment, and so far I have managed to avoid a complete and utter melt down.  I wrote my last post very late on Sunday night after getting home from a birthday party where there was a nauseatingly schmoopy, affectionate couple, and when I came home from that to an empty house (well as empty as a house can be when there are two dogs who were ready for dinner hours ago and have been spending your time away practicing their ear splitting cries for attention) the fact that Colby was going to be gone for a while felt all too real.  And so I did what I needed to do to get it out and wrote my last post, and WOW, you guys were all so incredible.  Every time I checked my email I was reminded f how incredible my internet support group is, and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.

My typical method of handling sadness is the turn inside myself, stay at home, not answer the phone, and just feel absolutely, disgustingly sorry for myself until the world is back to normal.  This time I've force myself out of the house every day for the past four days, doing lunch or dinner with friends, helping them with their adjustment and the errands with which their husbands would normally help them.  I've scheduled appointments, I've filled many of my weekends, and I'm looking forward to starting school on Monday and hopefully finding a part time job next month that will keep me in shoe money so that I can stop selling all of my possessions on eBay!

But do you know the best way to get through a day with a smile on your face?  Good old YouTube!  Here are a few of my favorites, guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.  Although in some cases, it might be something of a bewildered smile, but hey, bewildering humor is pretty much my favorite!

I'll ease you in slowly with this, short clip of a panda sneezing.  A panda!!  Sneezing!!  I don't know about you, but sneezing animals slay me with their cuteness.

Those wiggly ears! Oh my God! I can't get enough!  And moving along in a similar, but completely different genre, we have Winnie the Poo.  In Russian.  Or as Russian Piglet would say, "Ninnie Poo!!  Ninnie!"

Between the beautiful animation, the hilarious tuneless song that Winnie serenades us with as he goes in search of honey, and the absolutely adorable Piglet, I just can't stop watching this. Ninnie! Ninnie Poo!

And now for something completely different.  This one comes courtesy of wordnerd, and um, there are no words.  Well, actually, there are a few words, and they are:  Not Safe For Work.  Not even a little bit.

Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. But the panda was cute, right?