Sweet, Sweet Slumber

Warning: This is a post about sleep training, specifically, a method often referred to as Cry It Out.  I understand it's a controversial subject, and it's not everyone's choice, so no flames please.  You do what works for you, I do what works for me!

Ten days ago, I was about to reach my breaking point.  Colby had been gone for four days out of a sixteen day TDY (this is the TDY that just keeps getting longer and longer...), Charlotte and Annabelle were going through a horrendous sleep regression, they were comfort nursing almost around the clock, Annabelle was teething.  I was burning out fast.

We had initially planned to use the Ferber method on the girls when they were six-months old.  However, sitting on my couch, an exhausted, screaming baby in each arm, I made the executive decision to bump up my timeline.  The way we'd been doing bedtime for four months was that Colby and I would each take a baby, and rock, bounce or nurse said baby to sleep (I'll let you guess who used which methods).  

 Both girls had gotten to the point where typically, after about 30 minutes of the selected soothing technique, she would fall asleep.  However, frequently, after sleeping for 30 minutes, sometimes even an hour, they would wake back up and need to be soothed back to sleep.  Compounding the situation, Annabelle was hopelessly addicted to her pacifier, and would scream hysterically if she woke up and it wasn't in her mouth.  And pretty much every time she woke up, it wasn't in her mouth.

Flying solo as a parent, there didn't seem to be a good way to use our constant soothing technique to get both girls to sleep.  If I was trying to rock Annabelle to sleep, Charlotte was upset, if I was trying to nurse Charlotte, Annabelle would lose her pacifier and melt down.  It was taking up to an hour to get them both to sleep, and when you take into account the fact that they nap every 90 minutes for maaaaaybe 30 minutes, and were waking up every couple of hours at night, I was spending the majority of my day trying to get baby girls to sleep, and reaping very little reward.

So, that pretty well sets the stage for my spontaneous decision to FERBERIZE OH MY GOD RIGHT NOW.

I know there's a Ferber book out there that probably goes into a lot more detail, but I used this website because
The first nap was horrible.  The site said that for naps, if the baby continues to cry for more than 30 minutes, call it quits and try again later.  Right at 29 minutes, as I was walking upstairs to retrieve my furious children, they both fell asleep.  They only slept for a half hour, but it was a start.  I spent most of that half hour fretting over how scarred they were going to be, how much they were going to hate me when they woke up.  But when I got them out of their cribs, they were all smiles and giggles.

That night, we went through the ritual of diaper change, changing into pajamas, reading a story or two, then swaddling with one arm out.  I gave them both a lot of love, and then placed them in their cribs with the white noise machine and left the room.  This time, it took about 45 minutes--most of the protest from Annabelle because, "HEY LADY, DELIVER MY PACIFIER IMMEDIATELY!"  But they fell asleep at 10 pm and stayed asleep until 3 am.  The longest stretch we'd gotten in about two months.

I wasn't ready to use CIO to wean them off of their night feedings, and wanted to talk to their pediatrician to make sure it was okay to break them of the night feeding habit since they're on the smaller side.  So, I only used Ferber for initially getting them to bed, and then fed them each time they woke.  I did decide it was probably okay to drop one of the feedings, and chose the one that typically fell around 12-2 am.  I fed them for shorter amounts of time each night, hoping that eventually they'd stop feeling the need to wake and eat at that time.

The first few days weren't the absolute worst, but there were a fair amount of tears involved from all parties.  But by day four, I was able to put them down without protests about 75% of the time.  After a week, they might cry for a couple of minutes, but would quickly soothe themselves to sleep.  Once I knew they could handle one arm out and still sleep for some decent stretches, I unswaddled the other arm, still keeping the swaddle tight around their middle.  Then, this weekend, they slept from 9 pm to 8 am and 10 pm to 8:30 pm.  Last night they had one wakeup at 5 am, then slept again until 8.  (They always go back down after their 7 or 8 am feeding and wake for the day between 10 and 11 am.)

And as if that's not enough of a success story, today their typically 30, maaaaaybe 45 minute naps, have been 90 minutes.

I am so incredibly sold on this Ferber business.  I know it doesn't work for some people for a variety of reasons, but i think a huge part of it is consistency.  It's okay to go in and soothe at the approved times, but the minute you give in and pick up your child to nurse or rock, they'll know that if they just cry long or hard enough, they'll get what they want (not NEED, important distinction) and it's a vicious cycle to break.  

You do have to be okay with hearing your child cry, and that is very hard.  I just had to keep telling myself that they had full stomachs, clean diapers, were getting reassurance that I hadn't abandoned them, and weren't sick or in pain.  And now I feel like I've given them a really wonderful gift in that they are learning how to soothe themselves without my assistance.  I wish that I could always scoop them up and cuddle their tears away, but with two babies, I just can't always be there instantly.  It's hard for all of us to accept, but it's something we're learning to deal with.

It's incredible how just getting 8 hours of sleep in a night and not battling over naps all day has changed my experience of being a mom.  Now, I look forward to them waking up so that we can share our days, instead of sighing in frustration every time I hear a peep from the monitor.  I don't dread bedtime, and I'm able to cuddle for enjoyment, not necessity!

Certainly, a child's sleep is a fluid thing, and while I'm feeling on top of the world right now, there will be plenty of sleepless nights in our future.  But I feel it's safe to say that for the goal I was trying to achieve, Ferberizing has been a huge success for us and I'd wholeheartedly recommend it to any other parents searching for a sleep solution.

Comments

[Janet]

Wow, you know, most parents have a 2:1 adult to kid ratio for Ferberizing. And you did it 1:2! You are amazing! Seriously, I feel like I have a grip on this twin thing and I do not think I could have survived that. I am SOOO glad it's paying off! Go mama and Lottie and AnnaB!

[Julie]

Good for you! I'm glad you found what worked and went for it! :) I remember that feeling of worrying over how scarred and upset Urijah was going to be with me once he woke up, after letting him cry for a bit one time. Didn't happen. Those kids...they are resilient! And congrats to you for getting one of those "I got this." accomplishments under your belt. Makes you feel like you know what you're doing, at least for a little while!

[erin]

Wow. This seems like an incredible change. Go you! Go You! Go! Go! Go you!

[Christina]

Amen. I was prepared to Ferberize, but didn't have nearly have the battle you did... and still- Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Yay for sleep, yay for babies venturing into independence!

[Melissa]

Yay! Awesome job, mama!! :)

[Cat]

Congrats! I know how much it sucks first-hand, but I also know how very well it can work. It's amazing you were able to do it on your own--brave mama! Isn't it so wonderful when you get enough sleep to be able to enjoy life again? I will warn you, every time my kiddo got sick and/or we traveled and/or there was daylight saving's time and/or the planets aligned funny, we had a sleep regression and had to re-train. You go in to soothe a sick baby one night, and they're like, "YAY! NEW ROUTINE! MOM COMES EVERY TIME I WIMPER!" It took almost a year to get to the point where the kiddo will sleep through almost anything, anywhere, and it has been so, so worth it. (Nothing was as difficult as the very first time we did it, though.)

Good luck. I can't believe you are juggling two babies by yourself. You are my hero. xoxo

[Margaret]

Holy cow! Angela, you are a rock star. I am reading this a few days late, and I was afraid to look at the comments--so glad nobody is flaming you here.

My sister was never going to CIO with her kids, and I remember when she finally bought the Ferber book and had to LEAVE THE HOUSE and let dad handle it the first night. I am so impressed that you were able to manage this by yourself.