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« A Baby Story | Main | The Story of A Week »

February 25, 2013

Comments

Stephanie

Long-time lurker here, but I had to come out to post that I really admire you for posting this, and tell you that you are not alone. My sweet girl is 8 months old now and I still have moments where I feel like I'm totally not cut out for this mom gig. And you have two of them! Two! Thank you for being brave enough to post the truth.

Cait

Another long time lurker! I just wanted to congratulate you on your honesty! Every mom to be I come in contact with wants to know how it was when we had our Gracie, 4 months ago and I am always honest. I felt that guilt that I didn't feel that instant connection with her right away. Yes I loved her but I was so totally overwhelmed that I had those "What did we get ourselves into?!" moments. I always felt so much guilt for that and don't want any other moms feeling that guilt because it's such a normal feeling! I think the honesty is so important so great job Mama!!

Anne

I was there, so there. I pretty much thought I was the only one too. It was overwhelming to me and I only had one. I can only imagine how overwhelming two would feel. :) They are lovely girls. Congratulations again.

Liz

You are totally normal. Most of us new moms feel overwhelmed with just one, so I can't imagine two - AND breastfeeding them. My biggest struggle was definitely breastfeeding. We never could figure out the nursing thing so I pumped exclusively for 6 months, and those first few months were definitely the hardest. Pumping, feeding, and then washing bottles just to do it all over again 2 hours later was so exhausting and my biggest frustration. And it's helpful to know that the bond with your child grows as the child grows. It was news to me too that all moms didn't pop out their first baby and feel instantly bonded. It takes time and we shouldn't feel guilty about it. So thanks for sharing this. I feel like all moms should be honest about this because even though we're all posting adorable photos of our babies, not every moment - or thought - is perfect. And that's okay.

BTW, you are totally cut out for this mom thing. A natural! ;)

Melissa

My best friend (who is a psychologist and the mother of 2) told me while I was pregnant that falling in love with your baby is not always instantaneous when they are born. I think that helped with some of the guilt, but definitely not all of it. I can remember when they placed Evan in my arms thinking, this little stranger is going to change every aspect of my life forever. And being pretty much terrified. And then a couple weeks later, even though it was still hard, I couldn't imagine my life without him. There is definitely an image projected by movies and other mothers that there is an instant bond. Even by me. I know I've thought about telling other expectant mothers this same thing (probably even you) and thought, well what if they do feel that overwhelming love immediately and then think I'm an unfeeling monster because I didn't. I really think being a parent gets better every day. The more they can interact and the more mobile they are just makes it more enjoyable. :)

Operation Pink Herring

I dont know if its "normal" or not, but I felt much the same. For several months. It was awful, because being a SAHM was my dream job, and then... I kinda hated it. I never had that magical bonding moment in the hospital that people talk about. My mm would call me telling me how much she missed Hannah and how she couldn't wait to see her again, and all i could think was... why? She's a crying sack of potatoes who cant even focus on an object more than six inches from her face and cries all the time. What is there to miss? I came to the conclusion that I'm just not a baby person, and that was terrifying. I was scared I'd never properly love my kid. Because honestly? I didn't really love her until she was about three months old. The sleeping helped A LOT :)

And now I love her so much I could just die. Toddlerhood is maddening sometimes (lots of times) but I'd take a cranky, teething toddler stomping around the house throwing things over a happy infant who needs to nurse every two hours ANY DAY. Seriously. You've made it through the hardest part! And you did it with TWO AT THE SAME TIME. You're amazing.

I hope the guilt fades a bit as time goes on. I mean, babies are great, but... newborns kind of suck. If I could pay someone to live my life for me for the first three months or somehow gestate a kid right through the fourth trimester (or better yet, just give birth to a one year old who can communicate and walk around and eat regular food) I'd be all over having a second kid.

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Cat

Girl, I was right there with you. All I can say is that it just gets better as they get older (and I don't think it's a coincidence that you start to get to sleep a little more too) and I agree with a PP, I will take a temper tantrum-ing toddler over a baby any day. It is hard and unrelenting. But so worth it, too. Bravo for your honesty. xo

Stevie

Bravo to you for being so open about this. While I'm not a mother, I've seen many friends go through the very same thing. You're definitely not alone, and I imagine for you it was even more difficult because everything was multiplied by 2. So glad to hear you're feeling better about everything. Hugs to you!

Becky M.

This is all totally completely NORMAL and I feel sad that you went through a time thinking it wasn't! I agree that social media puts a light on things making life seem perfect when it isn't. I have had someone say that about my pictures on Facebook and I had to laugh out loud because, yes, my daughter is adorable and I post fun pictures of our family outings but just because I am not one of those constant complainers online does NOT mean that life is perfect here! Far from it!

Becky

Yes. I loved Eliza, but took awhile to fall in love with her and being a mom. Its a huge transition and happens so fast. I think its about doing the best you can in any given moment. It gets better .. now, she'll be two next month and I'm wondering where the time went ;-)

Solace

This is completely normal. I was right there with you for both kids. I knew what to look for the second time around though but nevertheless the feelings still came. The resentment and doubts. Motherhood isn't perfect at all. I'm glad you're doing better now but it's really nice that you shared your experience to see if maybe it'll help someone out there.

Caro

Big hugs and major props to you for being so forthcoming about the first few months with your girls. I can't say I've been there [obviously], but I can understand the transition that takes place and am so glad you had extra helping hands to support and encourage you. xo

Annie

I'm not a Mom, but I know several of my Mom friends who've described feeling similar. That being said, I can relate to that feeling of "everything else remotely similar to what I'm doing is going so well for everyone else, so clearly something is wrong with me" feeling though with home ownership. In the first three months of owning a home we had a flood (that resulted in damages to our bonus family room), a tornado (that resulted in a tree on our roof), and a non-working air conditioner over a holiday weekend with 100+ degree temperatures (bonus, my husband was gone for two of the three incidents). Meanwhile, (seemingly) all of my friends were hosting perfect backyard barbecues, executing flawless home renovation Pinterest projects, and manicured landscape works of art were showing up all over Facebook. Homes are not the same as babies, but I think that type of feeling is similar. Good for you for recognizing it and being honest with it. I'm slowly falling in love with my inanimate house, so I have no doubt you will fall in love with your beautiful girls! Thanks for sharing. :)

A Super Girl

Many of my friends have described similar feelings. Which makes me feel a bit better because the thought of looking down at my newly born baby and not "feeling it" is my greatest fear. I'm a little nervous about this whole child-rearing thing, and everyone says "you'll love the kid the minute you see it!" "the love is instant!" And all I can think is "what if it's not?" It's not like you can just give a kid back. And it's truly something you can't prepare yourself for. So, I'm really scared of all that unknown. But, it's helpful to hear from people like you who have those feelings, and come out of it just fine.

katelin

seeing as to how i have absolutely no experience with this i'm just glad you could share it. hope it all goes up from here. xoxo

Karen

I'm glad that the sun is starting to shine for you again. For those of us who felt the same way as you, combined with the overwhelming upheaval motherhood brings to our lives, the first couple of months lead to what I call survival mode. If I could get through the day without crying and manage to take a shower, then I considered it a good day. Hang in there mama, you're doing a great job!

Jen

of course you aren't alone..see?

many of your feelings ones that other moms have, and are very normal.

we had an easy go of BF, too, and I did enjoy it, but there were times that I wished my husband could get up at night with our son. My husband would say "just pump and I will give a bottle", but as we know, it's not that easy!

I am glad the fog is clearing and you are feeling better. I had a baby in November in Germany, and it is so difficult with this kind of depressing weather. Feel free to email me for support with that! :)

Hotpotatokate

I'm glad you're feeling better and emerging from the fog now. We had a pretty rough start too, and I still feel a little sick when I think of it sometimes. It got a lot better, but damn, it's still hard sometimes (in that overwhelming newborn way, not just in the "duh babies are hard way") I can't even begin to imagine that with two. I want another still, but sometimes I'm scared I want a second chance as much as a second baby.

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