Where Babies Come From, Part 2

Part 1 here.

Following the embryo transfer, I was instructed to take it easy for the next 48 hours.  Science hasn't necessarily proven that remaining in a prone position actually helps with implantation, but I think the doctors understand that we fragile fertility patients need a little extra TLC, and relaxing certainly doesn't hurt the implantation process.  Fortunately our transfer was on a Saturday, and I'd already rescheduled my Monday job for Tuesday in case of a five day transfer, so I had two days to lay around in bed and on the couch and send messages to my tiny little babies that I'd really like it if they'd stick around.

Thus began the most excrutiating six days of my life.  Every single twinge, cramp, or itch felt loaded with meaning.  I spent my days swinging wildly back and forth between being convinced I was pregnant and certainty that all I was feeling was my period coming on.  My boobs were sore, but they'd been sore every cycle so far and obviously I'd never been pregnant.  I began feeling menstrual cramps around 6 or 7 days post embryo transfer and initially panicked, until I remembered that my dear friend, Sarah, also an IVF veteran had told me that she had what felt like menstrual cramps with each of her successful IVF cycles.  I was exhausted, but that could easily just be the stress or the high dose of progesterone I was taking.  I was bloated, but that seemed to be a normal side effect of IVF.

So, I spent the next few days religiously taking my progesterone supplements 3 times a day and applying two estrogen patches every other day.  The Prometrium (progesterone supplement) was absolutely disgusting--I had to insert it vaginally 3 times a day, and it was definitely a case of what goes in must come out.  Ugh.  My nurse assured me I was getting all of the hormone that I needed, so I had to trust her.

Colby was leaving on March 11th for training in his new aircraft in Seattle, and my blood test wasn't until March 14th.  We really wanted to find out if we were pregnant together, but I was terrified of taking a test too early to show up positive and feeling the crushing disappointment of a negative, or too early and getting a false postive from any hormones that might still be coursing through my body.  I waffled back and forth over when to test, and finally decided that although ten days post retrieval was early, I'd take the risk--but I didn't tell Colby I was planning to test so that just in case it was a negative, I could test again on the 11th and hope for a positive and he'd never have to feel that disappointment.

I could barely sleep on the night of March 9th.  What felt like menstrual cramps were on in full force, and my ovaries were still incredibly painful from all of the stimulation.  I finally fell asleep around 1 in the morning, then popped awake around 5:30 on the 10th knowing that was all the sleep I'd be getting for the night.  Colby was still sound asleep, so I crept into our bathroom, grabbed a handful of internet cheapies (I haven't been using the "good" tests for almost a year) and a cup, then headed to our downstairs bathroom.

I took a deep breath, did my business with the cup, then dipped two tests in it and promptly set my phone alarm for five minutes and sat where I couldn't see them.  I distracted myself with Draw Something, my hands shaking violently and my heart skipping every other beat.  Finally five minutes had passed, and I knew I could look.

I slowly made my way to the counter and peered down at the sticks, my eyes still a little bleary from sleep.  It took a few seconds to see it, but there it was, very faint, but definitely there.  A second line.  For the first time in my life, I was finally seeing that second line.  

I don't think I took a breath for another 30 seconds as I just stood there, staring at that test, still shaking.  I was pretty sure the false HCG was out of my system now, since my last HCG injection had been 12 days ago.  I was pretty sure that this test meant we were pregnant.  (And yes, of course I took a photo, but don't worry, I won't make you look at a piece of cardboard that I swirled around in my pee.)

I finally snapped out of my reverie, grabbed the test, and pounded up the stairs into the bedroom.  I turned on the light and jumped on the bed, waving the tiny white stick with a barely visible second line in Colby's face.  "Do you know what this means??" I crowed gleefully.  He did not, but he could tell I was pretty excited.

I calmed down enough to hold the test still enough for him to look at, and that was one of the most special moments in our relationship.  That moment of realizing that all of the sadness, and heartbreak, and frustration of the last year and a half had led us to this moment of pure joy and relief.  We were pregnant.  And we only had to wait 4 more days for the blood test to make sure it was real.

Comments

[Miriam]

I remember my own excitement at that second line. I can only imagine how bursting your excitement was (and still is!)!

[Kaela]

Oh my, I don't know how your heart didn't just explode in that moment! How awesome. I remember the shock and excitement from my pregnancies, but MAN, this has got to be 10,000x more exciting! I still can't believe that you have not one, but TWO, beautiful babies cooking in there! So, so cool.

[Brittany]

Maaaawwww... Makin me cry over here, lil mama!

[Jass]

This brings tears to my eyes. I'm so excited for you guys! :)

[Anika]

aww that gives me chills!!!

[Melissa B]

:) :) :)

[The Incubator]

Still just get chills with every thought -- now you're the new "incubator" in the family:)

[Caro]

Okay, I might be crying a little bit right now... I am so glad you decided to share the intimate moments of this journey with us! Can't wait for more, more, more [no pressure] ;)

[margaret]

Love, love , love this! I am quite possibly going to run out of words for how freaking happy I am for you!

[Stevie]

Oh my goodness, tears are streaming down my face! Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. What a special, wonderful time for you :-)

[Solange]

EEEEEEE!!!!! So awesome!!! I'm bouncing in my seat right now. Great story :)

[Aly]

Oh man, I cannot WAIT to test - praying so hard that it's positive, because I'm so tired and exhaused & only 2dp3dt. This is the longest TWW ever.

[osarah]

You made me cry at my desk. What a wonderful story. I haven't been around the blog world for about a year, but when I saw you are moving to Germany, I had to head back here and get caught up. This is just so wonderful. Congratulations!

[Melissa]

Ahhhh! I am so excited. So much fun to read this. Congrats, again!