Where Babies Come From, Part 1 (Tomorrow Is Another Day...)

"Well, when a man and a woman really love each other, they go to a doctor, the woman gives herself injections multiple times a day, the man looks at a dirty magazine to make his contribution, a doctor sticks a long needle through the woman's ovaries to take out her eggs, a bunch of scientists injects the man's sperm into the woman's eggs, the embryo develops over the next 3-5 days, then the doctor puts the embryo back inside the woman, and if everyone is very lucky, a baby gets made! Why are you looking at me like that, did you hear something different?"

First, I'd like to thank you all so much for respecting our privacy over the last couple of months, and then receiving our news with such joy and love. There have been a few times during the last year and a half when I did question sharing this journey, second guessing myself and wondering if I was crazy not to keep it private. But feeling the support and excitement almost literally radiating from my screen as we shared the news here and on Facebook, I know I did the right thing. This has never been an experience that I've been ashamed of, and I hope more women begin opening up about their experiences with infertility. It can be so lonely and isolating, and it truly doesn't have to be that way. That said, I have been far too terrified since our embryo transfer to share any of my thoughts or hopes. The truth seemed too tenuous, too hard to believe, almost, in a strange way, too easy in the end. It almost seemed as if I talked about it too openly, the miracle that we've experienced would shrivel up and float away in the wind. We had to process this pregnancy and these babies on our own terms before we began sharing with the world, and now I'm so thrilled to let you in on our joy with an open and optimistic heart.

When we last left off in the saga of Frankenbaby, we had just had the disappointing news that out of the already fewer than expected ten eggs were retrieved on February 29, only three had fertilized. Four of the eggs weren't any good, and even with ICSI (Intracytoplasmic sperm injection--where the sperm is actually injected directly into the egg, rather than the more customary IVF approach of allowing the sperm and egg to just hang out in the same petrie dish and hoping the sperm gets the right idea), only three of those had fertilized.

I was pretty much a mess--physically and emotionally. Even with the oxycodone, I could barely stand up straight because my ovaries were so swollen and still so achy from the retrieval. I'm not sure why I wasn't expecting that level of pain--I had just had needles jammed through my ovarian walls, and my ovaries were at least twice their normal size--but for some reason, I thought it would be similar to the pain I felt after my hysteroscopy and hadn't prepared myself for the level of discomfort I was enduring. So, add to that my discouragement about our three little embryos, the next few days were not my favorite in the world.

With such a low egg count, we knew that we were going to do the three day transfer instead of the five, and after my initial disappointment, I tried my hardest to listen to everyone who was reminding me that it truly was quality over quantity and it only takes one strong, healthy embryo to make a baby. So, I started praying hard for just one perfect little embryo to make it through the necessary three day wait.

Finally, March 3rd rolled around, and I had to wake up and chug down around 40 oz of liquid so that the guiding ultrasound would work for the embryo transfer. I'd been half expecting to get a call canceling the transfer due to a lack of good embryos, so I couldn't believe it when we were in the car on our way to the fertility clinic. We showed up to the clinic, and sat nervously in the waiting room. I couldn't focus on my book or any magazines, and the power was out in half of the clinic, so there was an ominous darkness and flickering of lights that reminded me of something out of Shutter Island.

The poor nurses were scrambling around to fit us, and the one other couple there for their transfer, into the half of the clinic with working power where Colby and I sat again, somewhat grey-faced and anxious, for the doctor to come in and give us our final fertility report. After what seemed like hours, the doctor came breezing in with a smile on his face and happily showed us the photo of our three little embryos. Two were beautifully oval and even looking, one was shaped more like a wonky football.

The two transferred embryos are on the top left and on the far right.

The doctor explained that his recommendation was to transfer the two round ones--one showed a little sign of fragmentation (just some muck in the cells, pretty normal)--but the other was nearly perfect. He was doubtful about our third little embie, but recommended that we let it run its course over the next couple of days to see if it could be frozen for a future effort. We readily agreed to his recommendation, and then it was into the procedure room, where I laid on a table and tried not to pee all over the place.

The doctor, a nurse and the embryologist all worked together on our transfer, and it really only took about five minutes from start to finish. We watched as the doctor fed a long tube through my cervix, into my uterus, created a tiny air bubble to mark the spot, then took the embryos from the embryologist and shot two tiny, barely visible specks behind the bubble, and that was it. For at least the next few hours, I knew I would have two babies inside of me--further along in our journey toward parenthood than we'd ever made it before--though until they decided to implant and my body began producing enough HCG to turn a pregnancy test positive, there was no way to know if all of our time, money, and effort had been successful.

The arrow is pointing to the two air bubbles--the embryos are floating somewhere between the two white dots.

I had to continue to lay on the table for the next 30 minutes, letting the embryos float around and hopefully find a comfortable spot to call home for the next nine months, then we went home, and the real wait began.

Comments

Wow Angela, what a journey. Know that you were in my thoughts and prayers this whole time. And I'm glad to hear of the results. I could not be happier for you guys. Thank you for sharing your journey. And I look forward to the next few months as you welcome those two little bundle of joys. :)

Posted by: Jass | April 30, 2012 at 03:19 PM

This is truly fascinating. I'm so happy it's all going so well!

Posted by: Miriam | April 30, 2012 at 03:51 PM

Thanks for sharing it all with us - it's been hard to be patient for news these last few months so I can't even imagine what you guys have been going through! Can't wait for part II!

Posted by: Becky | April 30, 2012 at 04:09 PM

I hope you know that I think about you and your little family every single day. I'm so very thrilled for you and Colby, honey. I look forward to oohing and ahhhhhing over the baby pictures (even the ones in utero!).

It's also quite obvious that I'm not alone in my joy for you. Those babies are already loved, by many. <3

Posted by: Risiblegirl | April 30, 2012 at 07:34 PM