Domino's Effect

Oh World, why do you keep finding new and uncharted ways to torment me?

If you know me at all, you are most likely aware of my deep and abiding affection for Domino's Pizza.  It all started on a cold December day, with a packed-to-the-gills moving truck just pulling up to our brand new life in South Carolina.  Because we firmly believe in the power of bribery when it comes to getting the best work out of our movers, we always buy them pizza and sodas and hang out with them at lunch time.  They usually end up being kind of awesome people with pretty fascinating lives, and in each of our moves they've gone the extra mile to help us in a number of various beyond the call of duty ways.  Let that be a life lesson.  Pizza brings people together.  And greatly reduces the amount of paperwork required by filing damage claims.

Anyway, we had noted upon driving into our neighborhood that there was a Domino's near the entrance, and they were running some kind of ridiculous deal on carry out pizzas.  So we loaded up on some pepperonis and supremes and prepared to worm our way into the hearts of some manual laborers.  Much to my shock, having not gone near a Domino's in ages, the pizzas were incredibly delicious.

The crust was garlicy and perfectly seasoned.  The cheese to sauce ratio was downright scientific in its perfection.  The sauce itself was delightfully tomatoey without the cloying sweetness of some unnamed competitors (cough, Schmapa Ron's, cough), instead balancing the acids with zesty red pepper.  From that day forward, a pizza love affair blossomed.

I got to know my pizza makers through the magic of the Pizza Tracker, always hoping that my favorite and generous with the cheese pizza artist, Christoper (yes, Christoper) would be in charge of my order.  Clapping my hands in delight when my order showed itself as winging its way toward my front door and otherwise daydreaming about these mysterious People Behind the Tracker.  I looked forward to the nights when Colby was away when I could curl up with a movie, a bottle of cheap wine, and a delicious Domino's Pizza.

Then it happened.  After nearly two years of the New Recipe Renaissance, I noticed a steady decline in the quality of the pizza.  The sauce began to taste less kicky.  The cheese and toppings were almost entirely missing on some slices.  The dough was returning to its former tasteless beginnings.  Worst of all, Christoper seemed to have moved on to greener pastures, as his name vanished from my Tracker, leaving me with a steady parade of less qualified replacements.

And last night was the final straw.  After over a week of spending hour upon hour in the kitchen, stirring, baking, cooking, and injecting, I had been looking forward to a quiet night on the couch with my Domino's and my DVR.  And my pizza?  It was nothing short of disgusting.  Tasteless.  Greasy.  Only the most scant smattering of cheese and toppings over a scraping of sauce.  As I chewed my way through a most disappointing pizza experience, my heart shattered into a million pieces.

I don't know where I'll go from here.  I feel so unready and unwilling to jump back into the pool of delivery pizza options.  I thought we had such a good thing going for us, Dominos and I.  I feel betrayed, lost, alone.  Hungry.  Every time I look at that Ziploc full of leftovers in my refrigerator, those feelings of disgust and revulsion bubble back to the surface.  How could you do this to me, Domino's?  I LOVED YOU!!!

(Christoper:  If you're out there, find me.  I've got an oven in my kitchen and a pizza shaped hole in my heart to fill.  This could be the start of something beautiful.)

Comments

[Jenn]

How do you miss putting CHEESE on a section of pizza? I've never liked Domino's. My parents order it sometimes and bllleeeehhhhhhh.

[PomJob]

Aside from once a couple years ago when I worked in the dairy industry and the company partnered with Domino's to increase cheese sales, I hadn't had Domino's pizza since I was in college and worked at the front desk of a Cedar Point hotel front desk when Domino's gave us pizzas for $5. The other week, on a whim and cheap pizza promotion, I placed an order to pick up on my way home. I was AMAZED - it was exactly as you described your early experience. Hopefully your store is just a fluke and it'll figure out it sucks and rectify the situation quickly. Did you write to Domino's directly?

[erin]

I would definitely share this link with your local Dominos, or write the company. Good luck at finding Christopher!

[Jackie]

I agree~ send this to Dominos! Nothing is worse then a bad pizza!

[Kate]

I'd also send it to Domino's. I was super, super disappointed with an order a few weeks ago, but since then they've been on point.

[Deidre]

Don't think I've ever had domino's pizza, but after this post I think I'll pass (well that and I can't eat gluten) until they return to their glory.

[Melissa B]

Now I want some pizza! I agree with the previous commenters. Send this to Domino's. Maybe they'll work on their quality at your local shop after reading this. I do really like the "new" recipe with the garlic crust :)

[operation pink herring]

NOoooo! Christopher, where have you gone?

[Molly]

This post is both hilarious and heartbreaking at the same time. Let us know what happens when Domino's hears of this MAJOR slack in service.

[Jessica]

I love this post because I can feel your pain. And it is a garlicy, cheesy pain. That is SO disappointing! I hope you and Dominos can work through this

[thoughtsappear]

I usually go with Papa John's over Domino's, but I love their Philly Cheesesteak pizza.

I hope they regain your trust.

[Melissa]

Girl! I used to hate Dominos, until the last 3 years. My husband apparently always did Dominos, while I always did Papa John's. The first time we ordered pizza after we were married, we did Dominos, because it is the closest place. And I had the same amazement that you describe here. It was WONDERFUL! And the tracker is a beautiful thing!

THANKFULLY (or maybe UNthankfully since i love the hand-tossed crust, which is the worst thing for me!), I have not had any such decline in the quality of pizza yet!

You definitely should send this to Domino's! You always amaze me - such good writing! :)

[Kate P]

That sounds really bad. (But it still makes me miss having the option of takeout pizza!) Do you think it's across the board, or just the nearest location?

If I lived closer, I'd make some mini-pizzas for you and bring them over. I'd even put real cheese on them!