Workaholic

I've never been much of a go-getter when it comes to career aspirations.  Mainly because I've never quite figured out what sort of career actually appeals to me.  Well, scratch that, I find the prospect of being an author quite appealing, but we can all see how well that's going.

When I've had a job, I've done my best and worked my hardest to do it well, but ultimately, money was the only reason I was working, not any sense of personal satisfaction.  I wanted to have the means to do the things I like to do--go out to incredible restaurants, travel, go shopping, own pets, maintain a home that I love.  When it became apparent that we could afford to do all of those things as well as funnel money into savings and investments, I immediately became much less motivated to spend my days earning a paycheck.  I don't think that made me worthless to society--I diverted the energy I'd spent in a meaningless office job or exhausting myself wrangling kids into a graduate school, keeping our house clean and organized, improving my health through fitness and a better diet with healthier home cooked meals, and appreciated the flexibility I had to spend time with Colby when he was home.

Then came the IVF bomb, and the knowledge that our financial landscape was going to change drastically for the forseeable future.  We created a savings plan, part of which was that I would go back to earning a paycheck to soften the multi-thousand dollar blow.  My foray into babysitting has gone better than I ever could have hoped.  It's been less than three weeks since I started working, and I'm aready about one third of my way to the five month earning goal I set for myself.  I don't think that's an entirely sustainable pace, but I'm excited to be off to a stellar start.

What this is all leading up to is how my attitude toward working has changed.  I am motivated to work, not only for the paycheck, but for what that paycheck represents beyond money in the bank.  Each dollar I earn gets me closer to having a baby.  Each extra dollar that we make over our goal is second or third round of medications, an adorable crib with the perfect bedding, a precious onesie, or maybe even a second crib.

I've become entirely fixated on finding hours to work and cutting costs where ever possible.  If I'm not working, I'm scouring postings to find a job and applying to positions.  In the past, I've jetted off to visit friends or family without much thought to the cost, but when it became evident that one of the trips I had planned for the upcoming months was going to be far outside of our budget, I had to make the incredibly difficult decision to cancel.  It was hard because I am so heartbroken not to be able to visit a friend that I haven't seen in over a year, but I knew in my broken heart that it was ultimately the right decision and will get us that much closer to our goal.

I made plans to go home for three weeks over the holidays, and recently the thought of going three weeks without a job has given me severe anxiety.  But then I was offered an incredible babysitting opportunity in South Carolina for the week of New Year's, and I simply can't pass it up.  The old Angela would never have cut a vacation short and agreed to working over the holidays, but the new Angela sees it as just another step in the right direction.  The opportunity to breathe a little easier, and feel a little more financially stable.

It doesn't hurt that I'm incredibly competitive--even with myself--and when I set a goal, I feel reasonably certain I will die if I don't achieve it.

In other news, I went to see Breaking Dawn on Sunday, and it fulfilled my comedy quotient for the week.  Seriously, those telepathic werewolves.  Doesn't get much funnier than that.  I think the film's greatest achievement was how seamlessly it was able to transition from incredibly cheesy to incredibly boring to incredibly disgusting.  Well done, indeed!  The vampire baby was cute though.  Spoiler alert.

Comments

[Kristina]

I totally get this. I typically hate work (not because I'm lazy but because I've had the most god-awful job), and because of that I tend to not put my heart and soul into it. But then I started freelance writing and editing and I LOVE it and I'm actually working hard and enjoying it. It's amazing! (Also, if you're interested in freelance writing and editing, I'm working on branching out and getting the word out there, not only for new clients but for people I can kind of partner up with, so if you're interested, let me know!)

[Solange]

Good job! It's incredible what you can accomplish by setting a goal. I am also a very competitive person-mostly with myself-so I completely understand. :)
I'm very proud of you for cutting the vacation short to add in more money. You're absolutely right. Keep your eye on the prize!
I saw Breaking Dawn also. The telepathic wolves part was HILARIOUS. It reminded me so much of those awful animal-talking movies. And the birth was disgusting. I found it all (honeymoon and birth) a bit too graphic for PG13. Especially since I saw a couple of little kids (around age 7) in the theater!!!

[Janine]

I've been fretting a lot about not knowing what I want to be when I grow up because 27 feels like the age when I should know but I don't. Lately I have been working to re-organize my priorities so work isn't crushing everything else in big capital letters and to start moving towards goals (like homeownership) instead of just having a lot of abstract ones. Kudos to you on getting close to your earnings goal so quickly - that's fantastic.

[thoughtsappear]

Breaking Dawn...for an accelerated pregnancy, the movie sure made it seem like it lasted forever.

[erin - heart in ireland]

YAY for being closer to your goal! And that is great you have such a concrete goal and savings plan which I know makes saving money easier. And I agree about worrying about not working for 3 weeks. I'm freaking out about not working for the next 6 weeks, I had finally started to feel financially ok after my move and being unemployed and then I go ahead and hurt myself and need surgery and can't work for a few weeks, at least I can sub in NJ, but ahhhhh!

[Elizabeth]

I still think you're making the right choices for you. One of the worst things about infertility and everything tied with it is the powerlessness that comes along, and this seems to be a phenomenal way for you to address that, so more power to you.

Also, I need to go see that movie, but I just don't know if I can spend money on something like it from what I'm hearing, haha. Maybe I'll find a voucher somewhere around here.