My Photo

Recent Reads


Become a Fan

« Adventures in Babysitting | Main | Ups and Downs: The I'm Still Here Edition! »

November 15, 2011



God, Angela... I am so so sorry. :( I just don't know what to say. I can't even say I understand, b/c i haven't yet been there to the degree that you have. But I am praying for you. And i will continue to! I hope you find peace in this journey very soon. Love & Hugs!


I don't think you should apologize at all for using this space, YOUR space here, to work through these feelings. I think that the feelings of anger and grief will get worse if you don't work through them, and that will make an already terrible thing worse.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I'm here, reading and hoping for you.

old Warrior

You write so beautifully that it nearly makes me cry and also keeps alive the hope that you will get back to writing books. This blog sounds like the abstract for one.

On the bright side You should be thankful you are not married to King Henry.

Elle sees

Imtotally whole family is fertile! My sis, who hated kids, got pregnant without trying (she obv loves her sin now). My brother gotnhis gf pregnant. I come from s huge Italian family (my grandfather was youngest of 14) and everyone can have kids, but, the one the whole family thought would have tons of kids bc I love them so much. But no, I Never got married and now I don't have the money for all the fertility stuff. I always thought when inwas ready it would work out, but I'm too old and it's too late. Instead, I've always been the amazing nanny or best aunt. When new parents have baby problems they call me, even though I've never had a baby. I'm grateful, but it sucks.
I've had friends go through the same thing you are and they all got pregnant, one is pregnant again and wasn't doing any treatments as her son was 9mths and babies weren't in her future for a couplemof years!


You are completely entitled to these feelings and I would think you ABnormal if you didn't go through them. What an emotional roller coaster infertility can be, and you're right: its not fair. I feel for you, I really truly do (even though I've never met you and this is the first time I'm commenting on your blog). I can't understand what you are going through, only other women who have been in your shoes could even come close to sitting down and sharing these emotions with you. But please know you have a lot of people rooting for you, and (from what I can tell) have a ton of other amazing blessings in your life right now (like your writing!).

Just wanted to throw out there that I spent the last 3 years working in a PGD lab at an infertility clinic. I dealt mostly with chromosomal abnormalities, but was involved with the embryology part such as IVF, IUI, and ICSI. I saw a ton of women walk through the doors in your shoes. I saw a lot of miracles (meaning they got pregnant right before starting their cycles). I've seen a lot of babies born through IVF. Happy, healthy babies who just had to wait a bit longer before joining the two people who were meant to be their parents. Your time will come, I can feel it, don't lose hope or get discouraged. Keep your chin up :)


Oh sweet girl, I'm so sorry. You've expressed all of the emotions you're going through so well. And, once again, despite some of the differences in our fertility challenges, I feel like you've articulated my feelings as well.

It f'ing SUCKS and I wish I could take it away from you, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. You're amazing and strong and you are going to make it through this.


Melissa B

My heart breaks for you, Angela. I will pray for you to have strength, courage and hope as you go forward in this challenge. I know I am only one of many that will be thrilled to celebrate with you when your dream of becoming a mother is realized.

It sounds like we have some things in common when it comes to expressing ourselves and fleshing out our feelings. I'm glad you've found this blog as an outlet for your thoughts to be shared.


All I can say is, "I know." Thank you for putting into words everything I've ever thought. I've been through 2 fresh IVFs and 2 FETs, and although I thank god everyday I'm on my second successful pregnancy I still cannot feel truly happy for my fertile pregnant friends. Some will say that's selfish. But it's just what it is. It's a scarring process that know one will ever understand unless you've been through it. But you press on through the high highs and low lows, successes and failures, because the only thing that matters in the end is that it is WORTH it.


I saw this quote on another blog and thought it fitting:

"Anything can happen in a year…I don’t know where you are these days, what’s broken down and what’s beautiful in your life this season. I don’t know if this is a season of sweetness or one of sadness. But I’m learning that neither last forever. There will, I’m sure, be something that invades this current loneliness. That’s how life is. It won’t be sweet forever. But it won’t be bitter forever either. If everywhere you look these days, it’s wintery, desolate, lonely, practice believing in springtime. It always comes, even though on days like today it’s nearly impossible to imagine, ground frozen, trees bare and spiky. New life will spring from this same ground. This season will end, and something entirely new will follow it." -Shauna Niequist

Love you, friend!


:( So VERY unfair. I am praying for you guys.


While I have zero experience with this particular broken dream - and I am so so sorry that it is a bit broken - I am relieved to hear that you're letting yourself feel these emotions and not trying to bottle them up here on your blog too!


Wanting a baby and not being able to have one, and being powerless about it all, is quite possibly the most sickening, painful thing that can happen to someone. Own your grief--only you can process it. Don't follow anyone else's timeline of moving on. Theirs will always be wrong for you. It's so much to deal with, and I'm so sorry you have to.


Big Hugs Angela :(


So I read this forever ago, and wanted to comment but apparently commenting on blogs hasn't been my forte lately. You so eloquently said everything that I've been feeling for the last year. You are AMAZING and will make a fantastic mother some day. If you ever need someone to vent at, I'm always all ears... or eyes. ;)

The comments to this entry are closed.