Infertility Information Overload

We met with our reproductive endocrinologist (RE) for the first time yesterday.  We were incredibly impressed with his knowledge and his level of detail while still explaining things to us in a way that we could understand.  We were also incredibly overwhelmed with the amount of information we came away with from our appointment.

Part of our meet n' greet was an internal ultrasound to check out the state of my Lovely Lady Lumps: Ovary Edition.  Let me tell you, there are few things in life more awkward than spreading your legs in a miniscule room with a doctor, a nurse, an intern, and your husband gazing at your reproductive organs rendered in fuzzy black and white.  Except for maybe the act of giving birth.  I'll consider this training.

Unfortunately, we came away from that experience with less than optimal news than what the doctor on base indicated when he said that my test results looked "good".  Our RE was only able to locate eight follicles, instead of the 10-20 that he explained most non-reproductively challenged women would have.  He thinks my reproductive organs might be a little farther along in the aging process than they should be, but he also pointed out that some of the follicles may have just been hidden by a cyst that was also present on one of my ovaries.  I'll do some more testing this month and we'll reassess when we get that information.

Colby will also repeat his testing to make sure he wasn't just having a bad day, and will visit a urologist at the end of this month to rule out any physical issues.  Despite what some anonymous commenters may believe, we do not find this embarrassing, shameful or in any way detrimental to his status as a man.  In fact, male factor infertility is the sole cause for 20% of couples facing infertility and a contributing cause to 30-40%.  I'll bet that seems like a pretty high number to you.  Know why you didn't know that?  Because no one talks about it.  Because they are worried about reactions just like ones we've faced.  

Ability to reproduce is not the measure of a man or woman, it is not a reflection of how good or frequent the sex is--as our doctor put it yesterday, it is simply an egg meeting the sperm through some sort of delivery system.  If you're fortunate enough to be one of those lucky people who has been able to conceive easily, please don't think that those of us who aren't so fortunate are somehow embarrassed or consider ourselves to be "less than" in any way.  We wouldn't be ashamed if our kidneys didn't function properly, or if our blood sugar didn't regulate properly, so why on earth would infertility be any different? /Tangent

We were also given two huge packets outlining our Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and Invitro Fertilization (IVF) options, including how the procedure works and a breakdown of all the costs.  Tricare doesn't cover any treatment after a diagnosis of infertility, so with the exception of some monitoring costs which are covered, everything will be out of pocket.  Each round of IUI will cost in the neighborhood of $1200, and depending on which IVF package is chosen, it will cost anywhere from $11,000-20,000--neither of those numbers include meds which we would purchase separately and can cost from $200-400 for IUI and $2000-4000 for IVF.

Enter sticker shock.

So, that's where we are now.  Our doctor is confident that by the time Colby leaves for his deployment, we'll have a plan and will be ready to go ahead with either IUI or IVF when he returns home in the Spring.  Obviously, none of this is ideal.  We joke about it as a defense mechanism, because it is absolutely the most terrifying, heartbreaking, unfair situation we've ever faced.  We are overwhelmed, not only by all of the physical demands of these procedures, but also the staggering costs.  I find myself on the verge of tears throughout the day, any time I think about our options, hence the joking to make the scariness a little more bearable.

We were saying last night that our doctor had better include some kind of academic screening to only pick the smart sperm, because that kiddo is going to be spending any potential college funds just being conceived.  We're going to need some scholarship-level brainiacs.  Either that or a reality tv show.  What do you think:  Angela & Colby + Embryo.  That could work!

Comments

[Melissa]

I think its really great that you guys are willing to talk so openly about this. I am sure there are a lot of readers finding strength from you sharing your experiences. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you two!!

[Miriam]

I cannot stop thinking about how incredibly unfair this is for you. At the risk of being eaten alive, I have to say I don't understand why teenagers (who have no business having babies) can have sex once and get pregnant but loving, happily married couples like you and Colby have to go through the pain and insane costs in order to bring a life into this world that will be loved unconditionally.

I'm completely in awe of your attitude in all of this. So incredibly positive. I'm not sure I would have the same outlook.

[Kate]

I'm so so so so so sorry. What a kick in the crotch (and/or ovaries). I have been saying lately that SOMEONE should figure out a way to make sure that only loving couples have babies and give the infertility to the idiots out there. I wish I could add you to my insurance.

I'm always here if you want to talk/scream/cry/vent or whatever. Love you tons.

[Kristina]

Ugh. This is so very unfair and I'm sorry you're having to go through it. I wish there was more I could say, but I know there's not. Sending you happy thoughts.

[Julie]

Sounds like your RE is very on top of things - sounds like the first big hurdle has been overcome with that! I've heard/read so many stories of people saying their fertility doctors were really lame/unhelpful, etc., so I'm glad if that isn't one more battle you have to fight. (Also - I love the comparison that you made to not being ashamed if your kidneys didn't work properly - totally agree! That's a good way to put it.) :)
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you guys...I echo what the others have said, it's so unfair! But if the RE thinks there can be a workable plan in place to implement by springtime, than that sounds awesome! Like you said, not ideal, but at least something to set your sights on? And I'm all for the joking about it as a defense mechanism - whatever works!

[Molly]

I'm so incredibly in love with the paragraph you labeled "tangent." I have several friends in the midst of reproductive challenges right now and that is such important stuff to remember. Just like we would be sad for someone with kidney failure and wish that they weren't suffering we SHOULD feel sympathy for those facing infertility. BUT NOT PITY AND NOT BECAUSE INFERTILITY IS SHAMEFUL OR LESSONS THEIR WOMANHOOD OR MANHOOD!!! Garugh. (sorry for the capitalization tirade)

On the positive side, if you choose to move forward with IUI or IVF when Colby gets home... hopefully that means you'll be able to have him around for your pregnancy!! (And not deployed.) Mainly because you'll need him to get you crazy craving foods and rub your back and such. ;)

[operation pink herring]

I... just can't believe that people have really said you should find this embarrassing. Exactly like you said: no one is ashamed if their liver or kidney isn't working properly, and why should reproductive organs be any different?

Anyway, I am glad that you got some answers and a doctor who is ready to make a plan and move forward. Not so glad about the cost... Jesus. And how is tis nor covered by insurance? So unfair.

[Abby]

I'm with the others that I can't believe that someone said that you / Colby shoudl be embarassed about this. What's embarassing (and infuriating) is how ignorant some people can be. That said, I'm really pulling for you guys and I hope that the RE can help you. You're in my thoughts!

[janet]

I am so impressed with how you blog about this. I still don't really have the courage to share this much on my blog. However, I share your total lack of embarrassment. There is nothing wrong with us, we are just super special in a crummy way.

As for the IUIs and IVF...yeah. It's crazy expensive. I really hope that a successful IUI is in your future. I am totally cheering you on.

[Solange]

I can't believe someone said you guys should be embarrassed. What's that all about?! I am so sorry! This is so beyond unfair. It's great to read how positive and open you are about all of this. I cannot believe how expensive those procedures are!!!! Wow. That should definitely be covered by insurance.

[Jessica]

I'm so sorry you guys are going through this and didn't get the news you hoped for. I think it's amazing you're talking about this and sharing your experience. I can imagine it's not easy :(

[Kate P]

I don't know how you deal with all that info overload, but you do manage it well! Keeping you in my prayers.

[thoughtsappear]

I saw the comment you mentioned in another post, and I'm glad you addressed it. I think this is a great comparison: "We wouldn't be ashamed if our kidneys didn't function properly, or if our blood sugar didn't regulate properly, so why on earth would infertility be any different?"

[Melanie]

It never ceases to amaze me how ignorant people can be. I am so sorry you've had to deal with some less than supportive people. I'm really glad that you found a RE that you not only like, but really seems to be on top of things. That is fantastic. I with you both the best in the decisions to come. <3

[Sara]

Oh wow, some people can be so rude with their comments. :( Sounds like you guys have a great doctor! I don't know a whole lot about IUI and IVF stuff but I did know they're expensive--which is so sad. Wishing you both the best!

[Jen]

You are so brave and honest to share your fertility struggles with us - I hate the idea of anyone making you feeling anything less than awesome for choosing to share this with us.

The $$$ sounds overwhelming (this coming from a girl swimming in student loan debt), but it will all work out and will all make the end result (baby/babies!) SO worth it for you and Colby.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

[Deidre]

I'm so sorry this is so unfair! But I think you're handling this really well. And I cannot believe that anyone would begin to say this has anything to do with Colby being a man? That is the MOST ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

How awkward are pelvic ultrasounds? Ugh, I have to go and get another one done in a few weeks. Am Not Pleased.

[sophie]

Love the tangent paragraph! So true. It's ridiculous how many things we (as a culture) turn into being "less than" some absurd ideal that doesn't exist. Each and every one of us deal with challenges...and they are not examples of what is wrong with us. Okay, there is my pseudo-rant, I may have reeled it in *just* in time. I am so sorry that this baby-making isn't coming as easily as you wish...but very glad to hear that you are with a good doc. Lots of hugs and fairy dust headed your way!

(and the pelvic ultrasound? On the continuum of modesty cells, I have very few, and even I am glad I did not have an audience. You go!)

[steph anne]

I'm so sorry! I have always {still do} feared that this will happen to me when we start trying. I wish the best of luck for you with this. xo!

[Elle sees]

I've had several friends, make and female, who had trouble conceiving. Luckily they all have children now! I don't have any myself and long for them, but am probably too old! Y'all will make it work.

[Mandy]

Hang in there. It's actually pretty common. Everything. Life really is what happens while we're making other plans. I swear. Just be sure you take care of yourself in the process. I have some friends who were soooooo hell bent on getting pregnant NOW NOW NOW no matter what the drug regimen or financial cost that they really worried the rest of us (friends). Mom incubates baby and provides all the building blocks. The harder it is to conceive, IMHO, the better care you should take of yourself

[Kendra]

Ugh! I can not believe youve had to deal with rude commenters. You should not be ashamed of this and I think it's great that you are so open about it all. Love your tangent paragraph! I think it's incredibly unfair that you are having to go through this. I know several people who are/were in the same type of situation. I hope you guys can maintain your wonderful sense of humor and one day get what you so desperately want.

xoxo

[Jass]

I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. :( I am rooting for you guys, and hope this embryo is on its way soon, and that he/she is a braniac! Tons of hugs and love your way!