Things That I've Learned

Dry clean or hand wash only is just a fancy way of saying toss it in the washing machine and hope for the best.  70.2% of the time, everything works out just fine.  The other 29.8%... well, you probably didn't like that shirt that much anyway.

The hardest part of any workout program is not starting it.  The hardest part is working out.

The most effective way to seem cool and self-confident as an adult is to talk about what an awkward dork you were in high school.  That is supremely annoying to those of us who truly were awkward dorks in high school.  No one thought it was cool then.

Dieticians and fitness magazines will tell you that many times your feeling of hunger can be satiated by drinking a large glass of water.  Your dehydration just tricks you into feeling hungry.  That's probably true, but I find the water to be most effective when washing down a slice of pizza.  Or when it is wine.

Running is not something I will ever enjoy for itself.  But the excuse to watch reruns of Millionaire Matchmaker and Real Housewives of Somesuchcity while I'm on the treadmill makes it almost endurable.  It's my penance for watching such crap television on a regular basis.

Dusting is the most pointless, sisyphean curse foisted upon humanity.  There is nothing so infuriating as spraying the Pledge, wiping the surface, and then watching as those fecking dust particles drift right back down to the exact location you just cleaned.

Comments

[The Incubator]

Perfection with my first cup of coffee -- love it, and wholeheartedly agree.

[Abby]

Hahaha...I agree with all of these! Great post.

[Jen]

Haha, oh you make me laugh. I loved this. Every single one. Especially the water, because yes, three cheers for hydration, but really? Water as a substitute for food? My body has never bought that garbage.

[Kristina]

I hate dusting more than anything else in the whole world. I mean, I HATE dust, so it's INFURIATING that it is ALWAYS around no matter what I do. Ok, clearly I need to stop talking about this. I have used entirely too many caps!

[Thoughts Appear]

I always throw anything that says handwash in the washer on delicate. I've never tried the things that say dry clean. I may have to see what happens.

[Solange]

This was really funny! Water for food? HA! I completely understand the dusting thing. It is infuriating when you see the dust drift back down. Bah!

[sophie]

Water is not food. My stomach knows this even if my brain is being told otherwise.

I totally agree about the dork thing. I was going to have a contest with another blog friend who swore she was the biggest dork ever. I still love her, but when she sent me the picture proof, I scoffed. When I sent her my picture proof, she withdrew herself from the competition. I was the girl who the cute boy had to kiss during a game of "Truth or Dare." I know what a dork is.

[Melissa]

HA! Loved this! Especially number 1, my husband never lets me touch his laundry because I wash everything on cold and two two loads: work out clothes and work clothes. And try cleaning? Never!

[garden state prep]

I have a shirt that says dry clean only that I've washed probably 50 times and it's been fine. The first time I did it, I was so nervous I was going to ruin it. The only things I take to the dry cleaners are fancy dresses and things that need to be tailored. Glad I'm not the only one who doesn't take pounds of clothes to the dry cleaner!

[Melissa]

Hi, Angela - I just found your blog - I am a friend of your sister Brittany! I think I have met you a couple of times. :) Anyway, this post made me laugh! I loved them all - & SO TRUE!

[Jessica]

Oh my gosh I love the first item here. I never buy hand wash clothes. I would just never actually do it. And I don't have the best luck :)

[Stephanie]

You make me laugh everytime! Great post Angela :)Soooo wishing you lived closer so I could wash down of pizza with wine along side of you :)

[Molly]

Your pizza comment made me laugh out loud.