Fair warning: This post and future posts will be following my adventures in babymaking--not from an R rated perspective, but from the advanced biology aspect. If you aren't comfortable with or interested in this topic, I totally understand and you should turn back now. Be aware that I might be using scary words like uterus and sperm--so consider yourself warned! I know that this won't be interesting to everyone--it wouldn't have been interesting to me a year ago--but I hope that by sharing my experiences here I will not only be documenting my experience for my own benefit, but that maybe I can help someone else who might be going through this as well.
This weekend was filled with so much amazingness. Colby came home early from a trip, so we were able to spend the whole weekend together before he left me for another week, the weather was stunningly beautiful and I took advantage of it by going to the farmer's market, the beach, and otherwise spending most of the weekend outside.
Then, Sunday night, I went to the bathroom and all of the happiness came crashing down around me when I saw that the dreaded spotting had begun. For the first time in this entire journey, I completely broke down. I've had teary moments, I've vented here on the blog, I've had days of intense sadness and disappointment, but that night I ugly cried into Colby's shirt for almost an hour, wailing by turns about how unfair it was and how discouraged I feel. He was amazing, saying all the right things, wiping my face, mostly just holding on and letting me cry until I ran out of sobs.
The one glimmer of optimism that still shines in the darkest recesses of my mind, is that we are beginning testing this cycle. The common thinking is that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant, so many doctors won't begin testing until cycle/month twelve. However, when I went to the gynecologist for my annual exam last month, I explained my concerns (specifically my short cycles/short luteal phase) and that we've had perfect timing for 10 out of those 11 cycles (something of a miracle with Colby's trip schedule) and we still arent any closer to having our baby.
Fortunately for me, I got one of those great doctors who actually listens to your concerns, and makes decisions on a case by case basis rather than always going "by the book" regardless of the situation. Her take on it was that there was no reason to wait another two cycles to begin testing given our past history, and the fact that I am very knowledgeable about my cycles and we've been hitting ovulation on the nose since November.
This month, I'll be having blood work done on cycle day (CD) 3 (tomorrow) and CD 22. I'm also waiting on a referral from Tricare to have an HSG done. From what I've gathered through extensive internet research (I googled it and read the first result), CD 3 blood work checks your Follicle Stimulating Hormone (the hormone responsible for egg maturation), Estradiol (high levels can indicate an ovarian cyst or low egg reserve), and Luteinizing Hormone (levels can indicate PCOS). You want your FSH low, Estradiol low, and an LH:FSH ration of less than 2:1 or 3:1. The CD 22 blood work seems to mainly check progesterone levels and confirms ovulation. After charting for eight cycles, I'm reasonably certain I ovulate, but I'm very curious to learn what my progesterone levels are.
The HSG, or hysterosalpingogram, is a little bit more scary as from what I understand it's more painful/uncomfortable than just having a needle jabbed in my arm. In this procedure, dye will be injected into my uterus and fallopian tubes and the surrounding areas to make sure that nothing is blocked and all of the baby making ingredients are able to get where they need to go. And of course, Colby gets to endure the most awkward testing experience, I'm sure I don't need to go into much detail on that procedure, but it will give us information about his sperm quantity, motility and morphology.
So, that's where we are now. I don't know how long it will take to get the results back from each of these tests, but hopefully soon we'll have an explanation for why things aren't working out for us in the baby arena, and a plan for going forward. As for now, I'm just trying to find the bright side of things like the fact that I've got at least another month of wine-drinking in my future. Would I rather have a baby than a buzz? of course. But the the buzz sure doesn't hurt.
I'm so glad your doctor is a good one -- sounds like she's going to be a partner in this venture rather than a source of more hoops through which to jump. I hope you get some useful information from the tests that leads you down the path to your baby.
Posted by: To the Nth | July 19, 2011 at 03:14 PM
I'm glad your doctor isn't waiting out of some sort of obligation to be 'by the book.' Good luck to you both!
Posted by: Abby | July 19, 2011 at 03:41 PM
Yay for amazing doctors. Having just done ALL of the above, I'll write you an email about them. None of them are too bad and making fun of your husband for his ONE awkward test is great fun :) Best wishes for good test results! xoxo
Posted by: Kateastrophe | July 19, 2011 at 05:37 PM
It's amazing how much better it feels to have a doctor take your concerns into account rather than brushing them off. Here's to hoping!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 19, 2011 at 07:22 PM
Kate, I would love to hear your thoughts. I'm glad that you didn't think they were too bad!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 19, 2011 at 07:23 PM
Thanks, Abby! We'll take all the luck we can get ;)
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 19, 2011 at 07:23 PM
Love you my friend! I hate to hear of the sad times like Sunday night but good for you for making the most of everything and looking at the bright side. I just love that you are sharing your story. It is unbelievable what goes into all this baby making and too many people feel like they have to go through all of this alone. Best wishes.
Posted by: Becky | July 19, 2011 at 07:36 PM
I'm so sorry about your latest bad day:( I hope you and your doctor can work out what's going on so you can have your baby soon. A friend of mine tried for close to a year and when she finally did the testing they discovered that she wasn't ovulating regularly (or at all?). But she took some medicine to improve her ovulation and was pregnant a couple of cycles later!
Good luck!!!
Posted by: Solange | July 19, 2011 at 08:00 PM
I'll look forward to hearing all the test results! My doc just went ahead and put me on Progesterone after hearing about my abnormal spotting. I may need to call and talk after you get all the tests, since I'm starting to wonder if it is helping at all. Good luck and I hope you get some answers!!
Posted by: Amy | July 19, 2011 at 08:56 PM
Oh, I'm so glad to hear about your next step! And I agree, sounds like your doctor has got some common sense and I'm so glad to hear she is taking your careful charting and effort into account and not forcing you to just keep waiting! I'll be keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you guys...I hope your answers are easy and quick to come by and that you get that baby in your belly soon!
Posted by: Julie | July 19, 2011 at 09:08 PM
I am wishing and hoping and sending fairy dust and baby vibes your way! I am sorry it has gotten you to this point of frustration. Hang in there, sweetie.
Colby will be just fine, I'm sure. It reminds me of a friend couple who were dealing with similar challenges. They went to a new doctor, and the man was given a cup and asked for a sample. He had made the "awkward" donation more than once, so he went in the bathroom and returned with a cup. The person to whom he gave the cup to looked at it for a moment and asked, "Does your urine always look like this?" (They have babies now, just for the record.)
Posted by: sophie | July 19, 2011 at 10:17 PM
Good for you for educating yourself and voicing your concerns. And that's great that your doctor is LISTENING to your concerns and advocating for you! I hope you can get some answers from these upcoming tests. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and Colby :-)
Posted by: Stevie | July 19, 2011 at 11:48 PM
I'm so glad you have a wonderful husband and a wonderful doctor - I am sure they make all the difference in this journey.
Thanks for being so open about things with us - we are all rooting for you! And I am confident you will get some cute little babies out of this. :) In the meantime, let's enjoy the wine!
Posted by: Jen | July 20, 2011 at 02:42 AM
Love you too, and miss you! Your support means the world to me.
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:28 AM
Yes! Fortunately we live in a day and age in which doctors can do so much to assist with fertility. I'm just looking forward to having some answers!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:29 AM
Way back in the dark ages (pre-Incubator), my practice wife and I went through the primative medical version of your ordeal. After much activity in calendars, thermometers, and planned romantic maneuvers similar to the D-Day Invasion - no baby.
Months of various medical tests seemed to "prove" that I was borderline infertile - low count and minimal motility. In vitro didn't exist
This medical expert "infertile" certification allowed us to proceed to the adoption phase. Adoption was nearly as traumatic and stressful as the preliminary pregnancy failure journey. Following successful adoption, with reproduction apparently not being possible, the calendar, temp chart, and schedule faded away.
This was followed with three seemingly "miracal" babies, of which you are #2. Since I turned out to be somewhat less infertile than the experts had proclaimed, we made it more certain with a vasectomy. Seems a bit ironic.
This story of my journey along a similar path is not likely to provide any significant comfort to you, but perhaps it will highlight the folly of trying to out think nature - or, put too much weight on the scientific assesments.
The angst and disappointment won't go away and you are doing a great job of living each day with a pretty darn positive outlook. Sounds like Colby is a great partner and empathetic shoulder to cry on.
Posted by: Old Warrior | July 20, 2011 at 03:30 AM
I am absolutely free to talk any time. I don't know how much help I could be, but if you have any questions I'd definitely love to try and help :) Good luck to you, I'm thinking of you a lot lately!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:30 AM
Thanks, girl! Yeah, she's a great doctor and it's just so nice to have my efforts and concerns validated and not belittled.
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:31 AM
Bwahahahaha!!!! Oh my gosh, that was the most amazing story I've heard in a long time!!! I needed that guffaw ;)
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:31 AM
It's so important to advocate for and educate yourself, but so much better when your doctor does their job and does it for you ;) Thanks, and I'm hoping for the same!!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:35 AM
The wonderful husband is definitely the best part of the deal :) Thanks, Jen, I think I'm going to go pour myself a glass right this very minute!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:36 AM
It is comforting, at least in the knowledge that against all odds, you got your absolutely amazing daughters (if I do say so myself!). It's certainly a frustrating journey, but I know I'm hardly the first nor last to experience it, and all we can do is take it a day at a time and hope for the best. Love you!!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 20, 2011 at 03:37 AM
Oh, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Wishing you the best and hoping that treatment is straight-forward and successful!
Posted by: Kristina | July 20, 2011 at 03:47 AM
I just finished my first round of Clomid, and was told that I didn't even ovulate, my progesterone levels were .8! Yowza. I totally understand feeling like you're totally broken. I was absolutely devastated. I've Googled the crap out of pretty much everything "Early Pregnancy" related, haha. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm right there with ya sista! I just have to keep telling myself that it will happen when it's supposed to, which sucks when I feel like it's supposed to happen NOW. But it'll happen... eventually. My fingers are crossed for you, girl!
Posted by: Chels | July 20, 2011 at 04:41 AM
I heart you doctor and you...
I'm glad you're able to take a little more control now, you sweet girl.
I'll be keeping baby thoughts for you two.
xxoo
Posted by: Gayle | July 20, 2011 at 06:15 AM
=( (hugs) So happy you have a doctor who treats case by case. Waiting and not doing anything can be the hardest part. I know I always feel better when we're being proactive and things are getting done. I hope your blood work gives you some answers and you guys are in the baby way soon!
Posted by: Kendra | July 20, 2011 at 08:01 AM
Just wanting to send lots of hugs and love!
Posted by: Caro | July 20, 2011 at 08:33 AM
I'm so glad your doctor is willing to go ahead with testing now. I always thought a year was ridiculously long to wait, especially when you know you've been hitting your ovulation days. I hope the tests give you some answers, and like you said above... thank goodness we live in an age where we have options available if it turns out that there is something going on. You WILL get your baby.
Posted by: Pink Herring | July 20, 2011 at 04:45 PM
That is so great that your Dr listened to your concerns and information - I hope the next few months bring some answers. I always thought that sending "baby dust" sounded odd, so I will just say I am praying for you - how's that? ;)
Posted by: Becky | July 20, 2011 at 04:56 PM
I have PCOS....and hypothyroidism. But I do not "look" like I have either so it took years to be tested and diagnosed. Be persistent if something doesn't feel right. Love you.
Posted by: Kendra | July 20, 2011 at 09:44 PM
Thank you, Kristina! I hope for the same :)
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:27 PM
Oh, Chels, I'm so sorry :( Same thing with the venting! If you need to talk, I'm here. This is so horrible frustrating. I'm trying to trust in the same thing, but it does get hard sometimes.
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:28 PM
Yes, even if it's just a delusion of control, I'll take it! Love ya!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:28 PM
I am terrible at waiting, so as much as I hate that it's gotten to this point, I'm glad that we're going after the answers now. Thanks, girl!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:29 PM
I'll take 'em! Love you!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:29 PM
Yeah, I tend to think the year thing is really more applicable to people who are having unprotected sex, but not really pinpointing ovulation. In which case, of course it will take longer. But either way, I'm just hopeful for some answers that will lead us to an easy fix!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:30 PM
MUCH better than baby dust!!
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:31 PM
I've definitely learned the importance of being your own advocate. It's frustrating, but we care an awful lot more about our health and bodies than the doctors do!! Love you too, cuz :)
Posted by: Angela Noelle | July 21, 2011 at 03:31 PM
I'm glad your doctor is doing the testing a little early. I hope everything works out for you...and soon!
Posted by: Thoughts Appear | July 22, 2011 at 03:33 PM
I just saw this post and I am SOOO excited for you to finally know what is going on! I imagine that not knowing is the most frustrating part of it, because you can't FIX IT if you don't know what is wrong. Praying that it is a not-so-complicated fix and you will be in the "pre-deployment baby boom"! =) I'm so sorry to hear about the painful days that you've had to endure, but it IS worth it, and I am SO impressed with you for doing all of this research and becoming your own advocate. It will all pay off very soon, when you are finally holding your sweet baby in your arms! <3
Posted by: Kaela | July 22, 2011 at 10:05 PM
Hi, me again. :) I hope you find the answer very soon, Angela! So glad that you have a sweet husband... we are lucky in that regard! We have not been TTC long... we were supposed to start trying in April. My 4th cycle charting started 2/23/11 & continued until 5/15 - an 80 day cycle. Long story short, I went to the obgyn & discovered I am Insulin Resistant, which can affect your cycles & fertility. I was sooo thankful to find out this info, because i went to my GP in March to figure out why i couldn't lose weight (despite completely changing my diet & exercising 5x/week) & he came up with NOTHING...didn't even consider IR, even after I told him my family history & that my periods were not regular. So they've now put me on Metformin (for the IR) & it should regulate my cycles. I am now in my 6th chart, my first that looks good & tomorrow's temp would be the 3rd above the coverline... here's hoping!! :) It is my first chart with all the right things so far...
ANYWAY, idk why i just shared all that with you! :) But i guess hearing your story made me want to share mine. I will be thinking of you & praying that you get some answers very quickly! So glad you have a great doctor!
{HUGS!}
Posted by: Melissa | August 07, 2011 at 11:43 PM