Tomorrow Is Another Day...

Community

I've been writing this blog for just shy of six years now, definitely one of the longest running commitments of my life.  Over the past couple of weeks, I've been going through my archives--starting with my very first post--and cleaning up formatting issues and broken pictures/links.  It has been so much fun seeing how my voice, personality, and life has developed over time.  And it has really driven home just how huge a part of my life this little corner of the internet has become.

I'm so lucky that I've also found such wonderful people to share this space with.  I've never participated in blog conferences or meet-ups, but still I've managed to forge some pretty great friendships just through the written word.  Of course, there's also a turd-bucket or two that pops up from time to time, but it's so worth it as for each troll that finds their way out of their cave, there are so many awesome people who take a little time out of their day to keep up with my world and support me.

On Tuesday, I was lucky enough to finally meet one of those fabulous people.  The adorable, absolutely glowing, Jen, of Operation Pink Herring fame, and her husband, came to Charleston for a few days and they were sweet enough to invite little ol' me to crash their babymoon and have lunch at one of my fave restaurants, 82 Queen.  Jen is one of my oldest readers--I really can't remember how we ran across each other, who found who first, or how long we've been voyeurs in one another's life, but I know it's been years.

When I was crossing the street from the parking garage, I spotted her through the front window of the restaurant, and it was so surreal, as though the internet had suddenly come to life.  The first thing out of my mouth was, "Oh my gosh, you look exactly like what you look like!"  Hopefully my conversation grew slightly more stimulating after that opening line, but I had a great time talking gators, humidity, babies, and real estate with the fantastic Herring family.  I'm kicking myself hard for forgetting to take a picture, but Jen, that just means you have to come back to visit again!

On a loosely related note, I'll be ditching blogland from mid to late August when we'll be travelling either overseas, or in the event that we don't get on a military hop, up the East coast for a few weeks.  During that time, I'd really like to have some guest bloggers.  I know I talked about having guest bloggers when I went on vacation in December and never got around to organizing it, but I really mean it this time!  

I want to open it up to any volunteers first.  You're welcome to write about absolutely anything your little heart desires, but if you want a writing prompt you could write about your dream vacation--either one you've already taken or one that you want to take.  All I ask is that you let me know in the comments that you'd like to write a post, and then email it to me by August 10th so I can get them all scheduled.  Sound good?

Coolcoolcool.

Happy and Healthy

I don't even know where to begin talking about the last few days.  I've had Colby with me, I've gotten to cuddle a baby, we've gotten piles and piles of much needed rain... it has been so good.  A lot of my focus lately has been centered on the part of my life that isn't going the way I want.  Nine months ago, I thought that I would have a baby either in my arms right now, or soon to be arriving.  The past couple of months have been extremely difficult in that regard.  It's a challenge reconciling my expectations with reality.  That being said, all is NOT sadness in my life.  The moments of sadness are there, but overall, I am so lucky with the lot that I've been dealt.

I suppose in the wise words of Maria von Trapp, let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.  Friday, Colby got home from a week in New Mexico and Colorado where he'd had a fun hiking, camping, and fishing trip with one of his oldest friends.  That night, we met a friend at the incredible Ted's Butcherblock for one of their delicious $12 dinners and $5 wine tastings.  I seriously think these Friday night dinners are the best deal going in Charleston.  On Friday, we had delicious curried pork in a sort of falafel/meatball combination, served over eggplant, a pita and drizzled with tzaziki, with a bean salad on the side.  Dessert was a huge slab of carrot cake with a creme anglaise, and I could have eaten about ten more servings of it--it was just that good.

On Saturday, we went over to another friend's house so that we could meet her precious, perfect 1-week-old baby boy.  He is still at that limp noodle stage of infancy that terrifies me so much, because they just feel so BREAKABLE, but I managed to hold him without crushing him, and then died at the cuteness of Colby cuddling him as well.  It was admittedly a little bittersweet, but I am just so happy for my friend, and so excited to have a new baby in my life to watch grow over the years.  After baby time, we finally got around to seeing Bridesmaids, and we both got some much needed laughs.

Sunday was a relaxing chill day, just catching up on the DVR.  This week, Colby has been getting off work early, so we've been enjoying our evenings together.  Ever since the cleanse, I've been on quite a healthy eating kick (combined with a little Ben & Jerry's because I had to try Late Night Snack--CHOCOLATE COVERED POTATO CHIPS, people!), so we've been cooking up some tasty meals, I've been keeping up with my workouts, and I've discovered the most delicious way to incorporate fruits and vegetables into my daily routine--Green Monsters!  I just toss some flax seeds, a couple big handfulls of spinach, a banana, and some chocolate soy milk into a blender and liquify.  Then chop in some ice, and voila, chocolate banana smoothie.  It is SO GOOD, and I've been drinking one every day for my afternoon snack.

So, that's been my week, not all ups, but certainly not all downs either.  I'm working very hard to focus on all of the good in my life, and not take it for granted.  Unfortunately, Colby is leaving today for a work trip, but he'll be home in less than two weeks, and then we'll be heading off somewhere for almost three weeks of togetherness away from home.  Life is good.  I could complain, but today, I won't.

Elusive Sleep

Last night I was in bed before 10 o'clock.  I read a chapter of my book just to help wind down, but I was abnormally exhausted and I'd been fighting off a bad headache since the afternoon, so I was really looking forward to sleeping.  At about 10 after 10, I turned off the light, rolled over and closed my eyes, prepared to drift off into dreamland.

I proceeded to toss and turn for the next two hours, and then woke up five or six times during the night before my alarm went off at 8 o'clock.  I wish that this wasn't the norm, but unfortunately, this is just how sleeping is and always has been for me.  It's part of the reason I typically wait until around midnight to finally begin the falling asleep process, hoping that I'll be so tired that maybe I'll drift off quickly and naturally.  I used to take my precious 3 mg melatonin about 30 minutes before going to bed, but I've read some research that has shown it can be detrimental to conception, so I no longer have even that crutch.  It's just me, the bed, and the stupid clock.

To add insult to injury, I happen to be married to a man who could easily compete in falling asleep races.  His head touches the pillow and he is instantaneously unconscious.  If he happens to stay awake for five or ten minutes, he flops around like a dying fish, cursing the heavens for the tragedy of beng unable to asleep.  So, on the few nights that he is home, sleeping beside me, not only do I have the frustration of insomnia, but I'm also fuming over the snoring emanating from the other side of the bed.

I have a theory that the kind of sleeper we are as a baby is indicative of the kind of sleeper we will be our whole lives.  When I was an infant, evidently the one drawback to my perfect baby self was my complete lack of interest in sleeping.  This continued into my childhood, when I would sneak under my comforter with a flashlight and some books, or play with my stuffed animals, or sit by the door of my bedroom, listening to whatever it was my parents were watching on tv.  I couldn't fall asleep easily, even then.  I remember, laying in bed, counting the cycles of the ceiling fan, attempting to hypnotize myself into sleep.

On the other hand, a part of the lore pertaining to my little sister's perfection is that she was an amazing sleeper.  To this day, it's shocking to me how quickly she falls asleep and how hard she sleeps.  When we travel together or are home together, we usually sleep in the same bed or bedroom, and I'm constantly waking up to her cellphone buzzing or her alarm going off while she sleeps tranquilly through the cacophony of noise.  

So, mothers, take heart, maybe your anti-sleeping baby isn't an asshole, maybe they're just an insomniac in the making!  I recommend a little bit of melatonin crumbled up into their pre-bedtime meal.  Nothing about that could possibly go wrong.

Tranquility

"She hadn't exactly feared the word contentment, but had always associated it with a vague sense of failure.  To be discontented had always seemed much richer a thing.  To be restless, striving.  That view was romantic.  In truth, she was finding out, life was better lived in a tranquil pattern.  As long as she could read, she never tired of the design of her days."

The Master Butchers Singing Club
Louise Erdrich

The Next Step

Fair warning: This post and future posts will be following my adventures in babymaking--not from an R rated perspective, but from the advanced biology aspect.  If you aren't comfortable with or interested in this topic, I totally understand and you should turn back now.  Be aware that I might be using scary words like uterus and sperm--so consider yourself warned! I know that this won't be interesting to everyone--it wouldn't have been interesting to me a year ago--but I hope that by sharing my experiences here I will not only be documenting my experience for my own benefit, but that maybe I can help someone else who might be going through this as well.

This weekend was filled with so much amazingness.  Colby came home early from a trip, so we were able to spend the whole weekend together before he left me for another week, the weather was stunningly beautiful and I took advantage of it by going to the farmer's market, the beach, and otherwise spending most of the weekend outside.  

Then, Sunday night, I went to the bathroom and all of the happiness came crashing down around me when I saw that the dreaded spotting had begun.  For the first time in this entire journey, I completely broke down.  I've had teary moments, I've vented here on the blog, I've had days of intense sadness and disappointment, but that night I ugly cried into Colby's shirt for almost an hour, wailing by turns about how unfair it was and how discouraged I feel.  He was amazing, saying all the right things, wiping my face, mostly just holding on and letting me cry until I ran out of sobs.

The one glimmer of optimism that still shines in the darkest recesses of my mind, is that we are beginning testing this cycle.  The common thinking is that it can take a healthy couple up to a year to get pregnant, so many doctors won't begin testing until cycle/month twelve.  However, when I went to the gynecologist for my annual exam last month, I explained my concerns (specifically my short cycles/short luteal phase) and that we've had perfect timing for 10 out of those 11 cycles (something of a miracle with Colby's trip schedule) and we still arent any closer to having our baby.

Fortunately for me, I got one of those great doctors who actually listens to your concerns, and makes decisions on a case by case basis rather than always going "by the book" regardless of the situation.  Her take on it was that there was no reason to wait another two cycles to begin testing given our past history, and the fact that I am very knowledgeable about my cycles and we've been hitting ovulation on the nose since November.

This month, I'll be having blood work done on cycle day (CD) 3 (tomorrow) and CD 22.  I'm also waiting on a referral from Tricare to have an HSG done.  From what I've gathered through extensive internet research (I googled it and read the first result), CD 3 blood work checks your Follicle Stimulating Hormone (the hormone responsible for egg maturation), Estradiol (high levels can indicate an ovarian cyst or low egg reserve), and Luteinizing Hormone (levels can indicate PCOS).  You want your FSH low, Estradiol low, and an LH:FSH ration of less than 2:1 or 3:1. The CD 22 blood work seems to mainly check progesterone levels and confirms ovulation.  After charting for eight cycles, I'm reasonably certain I ovulate, but I'm very curious to learn what my progesterone levels are.

The HSG, or hysterosalpingogram, is a little bit more scary as from what I understand it's more painful/uncomfortable than just having a needle jabbed in my arm.  In this procedure, dye will be injected into my uterus and fallopian tubes and the surrounding areas to make sure that nothing is blocked and all of the baby making ingredients are able to get where they need to go.  And of course, Colby gets to endure the most awkward testing experience, I'm sure I don't need to go into much detail on that procedure, but it will give us information about his sperm quantity, motility and morphology.

So, that's where we are now.  I don't know how long it will take to get the results back from each of these tests, but hopefully soon we'll have an explanation for why things aren't working out for us in the baby arena, and a plan for going forward.  As for now, I'm just trying to find the bright side of things like the fact that I've got at least another month of wine-drinking in my future.  Would I rather have a baby than a buzz?  of course.  But the the buzz sure doesn't hurt.

Confessions: Harry Potter Edition

"I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you."
~J.K. Rowling

* When the Harry Potter books were still in their early years, I thought it was absolutely ridiculous that everyone was fawning over a series that sounded like a stupid children's story.  Wizarding school?  Seriously?  You're a grown person, come on!

* I could have bought Goblet of Fire (it must have been close to the release date, because it was plastered all over the shop windows) or found Platform 9 3/4 when I was in London for my high school graduation trip in 2000, but I was still busy thinking it sounded stupid and being gobsmacked that it was such an international sensation.  Harry Potter?  That's that wizard book, right?  Where's Prince William?

* I didn't start reading the books until after I saw the first movie, and realized, holy shit, this Harry Potter business is SPECTACULAR!  Tell me more, J.K. Rowling.

* I don't care what J.K. says, I will never give up hope that she has more stories to tell about the Potterverse.

"Part of me will be glad when it's over. Family life will become more normal. [But] I'll be so sad to think I'll never write a Harry-Ron-Hermione sentence again."
~J.K. Rowling

* Even though I saw the movie first, I love the books with the fire of a thousand suns.  The movies, maybe only seven hundred and fifty suns.

 * I bought a wand.

* I still really wish Harry and Hermione had ended up together.  I find Ginny to be absolutely insufferable.

* I would make a terrible Gryffindor, but then I figure if Neville Longbottom can do it... even so, I think I'd be much happier in Ravenclaw.

* Some of my happiest hours were the reading marathons that would begin the moment a new Harry Potter was delivered on my doorstep (on the release date natch) and only ending when I read the final words of the book hours later.

"It's just hard," Harry said finally, in a low voice, "to realize he won't write me again."
~J.K. Rowling 

* I cry every time I hear the introductory Harry Potter theme in the theater.

* I am crying while I am writing this.

* I feel that from a pop culture standpoint, I'll be completely lost once I see the seventh movie.  I've devoted the past ten years of my life to these stories and characters, and have yet to find another fictional world that captures my imagination and heart in the same way.  The witches, wizards, and muggles of the Harry Potter series have become real to me in a way that precious few fictional characters ever have before.

* I can't wait to introduce this series to my children someday.

* A long and beautiful chapter in my life is closing, and I wish I knew the spell to bring it all back again.

"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” 
~Albus Dumbledore, J.K. Rowling

"When I'm 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I'll be reading Harry Potter, and my family will say to me, 'After all this time?'  And I will say, 'Always.'"
~Attributed to Alan Rickman, source unknown

Cleanse: The End, No More, I Promise

Honestly, hand on Bible swear, this will be my last post about the cleanse.  But I just wanted to wrap it up and give my final thoughts.

I ended up eating yesterday, cutting the cleanse short after three days.  I felt that I was as emptied out and "clean" as I could possibly get and since I wasn't having any sort of spiritual breakthroughs, and was feeling pretty bad I decided to call it good.  And yes, I did feel "cleansed", so I guess in that regard the cleanse did it's part, but to be perfectly frank, you can get the exact same outcome by taking a laxative and drinking 12 cups of water in a day.  I assure you, you'll spend just as much time in the bathroom as I did, and a lot less time not eating.

I'm glad I did the cleanse, because I wanted to give it a chance to win me over and there are plenty of people who find them to be beneficial.  But I can say with a fair degree of certainty, I won't be doing another one.  Over the course of writing these posts, I tried to find a reputable source that recommended cleansing as a benefit to your body, but the only information I could find pro-cleansing was from sources that were either trying to sell a cleanse kit, or had copied information directly from other sites who were trying to make a sale.  And all of their claims were very vague, about how you need to clean the "toxins" from your body that it takes in from your food and environment.  Everything I could find from the medical field said the same thing over and over again: your body is MADE to cleanse itself and making healthy eating choices is the best way to keep your body clean.

There is one good result from the cleanse.  I was surprised to find that through the hunger, the things I was most craving were fruits, vegetables, and lean protein.  I spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about how good a salad would be, or strawberries, or a juicy chicken breast.  It was as if my body knew exactly what it needed to take in to function optimally, and that's what it wanted.

Yesterday, I had plain scrambled eggs for breakfast, a Kashi granola bar as a post-run snack, salad for lunch, a banana and blackberries as a snack, and a brown rice California roll for dinner.  And oh, it was heavenly.

And what everyone always wants to know about a cleanse, did I lose weight?  Well, obviously, yes.  I "lost" five pounds over the course of three days. Since I started eating again, I gained a pound of that back.  It was absolutely not a way that I would recommend to lose weight, and I don't expect the weight to stay off.  And this is another post for another day, but I've made amazing strides in the past couple of months about the shape and size of my body, and I really don't feel that I needed to lose weight.  I did this cleanse because I was hoping that it would make my body feel healthy and clean.

But what made me feel healthy and clean was picking out healthy foods to eat at the grocery store, and then filling my body with the nutrients that it needs.  And hey, if you love cleansing, I'm happy for you that you found what works for you, and I'm not going to judge.  However, I'll just be sitting over here, reveling in the simple pleasure of chewing.  A joy that I will never take for granted again!

The Gory Details

Day 3... it was pretty tough to get out of bed this morning.  But it's hard to tell if that's related to the cleanse or not, because it's pretty tough to get out of bed EVERY morning.  But at least on a normal day I have a creamy cup of English breakfast tea and carbs luring me downstairs.  Apple juice just does not equate.

So, the cleanse deets.  I wish I could tell you the name of it, but I do not know.  I got the instructions from a friend who did it with her neighbor after she completed it and luuuuurved it.  Then another friend tried it and haaaaaated it.  So, I went into this with pretty realistic expectations about the potential benefits and the drawbacks.  Sometimes it feels much harder than I expected, sometimes it's easy.  It truly depends on the moment.

Here is the basic breakdown of what I'm taking in every day:

Breakfast:
1 1/4 C apple juice
1 glass room temperature water with lemon
1 cup of herbal, caffeine free tea
Suck on some slices of lemon
1 tsp honey 

Lunch:
Vegetable broth (2 lb bag of carrots, large onion, bag of celery, garlic, seasonings (I used a poultry blend of herbs), 8 cups of water.  Bring to a boil, simmer for a few hours until vegetables are softs, drain and smoosh liquid out of the veggies.)

Dinner:
1 1/4 C apple juice
1 cup of tea
1 tsp honey
Vegetable broth

Throughout the day:
Drink at least 12 cups of water or tea (combination), when I feel like I'm about to chew my arm off or feel super run down, I have another small spoonful of honey.

Every other day, you have to drink an epsom salt concoction to help flush all of the waste out of your body since you aren't taking in any fiber.  Holy shit.  That stuff is nasty.  It's not the least bit salty and tastes a bit like what I imagine a nice glass of gasoline would taste like.  BLEEEEEEEECH.

As you may remember from my 30B30 list, I was originally thinking about the Blueprint Cleanse.  It appealed to lazy me because everything is provided for you, it is dummyproof as all you have to do is drink the numbered bottles in the order indicated, and there are a variety of flavors to all of the juices.  The major drawback is that the three day cleanse would run me $255 including delivery.  In my opinion, that is an awful lot of money for three days of not eating.  

Furthermore, you don't know where the ingredients come from and they aren't labeled organic.  To me, if the point of doing a cleanse is to clean out your body, I want to know that my ingredients are as clean and high quality as possible.  I doubt that BPC doesn't use high quality ingredients, but preparing and selecting your own ingredients you know exactly what you are putting in your body.

I bought all of my ingredients at Whole Foods, all of my vegetables and lemons are organic, I got the Whole Foods brand Honeycrisp organic apple juice, my honey is locally produced in a field that is uncultivated and uses no fertilizers or pesticides (and is DELICIOUS), the only thing that isn't certified organic is my tea.  Because all of the organic herbal teas sounded disgusting, heh.  I forgot to keep the receipt to tally up the total cost, but looking at my online bank account, the receipt came to $90 and probably about $20 of that was groceries outside of the cleanse ingredients.  I'd probably need to restock on vegetables, and maybe another jar of apple juice, so maybe add on another $10.  So about $80 for a 6-7 day cleanse--quite a savings over BPC.

And how am I feeling?  Well, as I've been moaning to my Twitter followers, I am not loving this experience.  I'm still waiting for the spiritual, zen, reflective part to set in--mostly I just feel like going to sleep.  Maybe that is when I'm supposed to be meditating or something?  However, I have yet to feel faint or dizzy, and other than the first day, no headaches.

I worked out again yesterday--I managed to do 30 minutes of a Jackie Warner DVD and I felt fine after--definitely a bit more tired and I wasn't always able to do the full minute of each move.  Tonight I'm going to a self-defense class, so I think I'll bring some honey to have a spoonful before and after.

Bottom line, unless I have some amazing breakthrough today, I think Wednesday will be the last day of the cleanse.  That will have been four full days, which I feel is perfectly adequate for cleaning out my system.  Beyond that, I worry about muscle breakdown and truly entering starvation mode.  To ease back into the eating world, I'll subsist on salads on Thursday, then Greek yogurt and soup on Friday.  By Saturday, hopefully I'll be back to normal, which will be perfect since Colby will be getting home from a conference then.

I do feel that this has changed how I look at eating--when you feel like you're absolutely "starving" you really aren't, I promise.  But I'll talk more about that when I'm able to reflect back on this from the other side, back amongst the land of the eaters.  For now, I'm going to go drink my apple juice and pretend it's a perfectly adequate breakfast.  Yum!

The Last Supper

When I created my 30 Before 30 list (oh my gosh, almost A YEAR AGO!), my goal was to choose activities that I've either always wanted to do but hadn't gotten around to, or activities that would push me outside of my comfort zone and I probably wouldn't go out of my way to do otherwise.  One of the goals that definitely fell into the latter category was to do a detox cleanse.

As much as the idea of not eating for days on end is the stuff of nightmares, there were a couple of reasons that it appealed to me.  I am a boredom eater.  I would say at least 25-30% of the food that I eat, I don't put in my mouth because I'm hungry or even eating socially, but because I'm sitting around watching tv and mechanically shoveling snacks into my mouth.  I'm also something of a compulsive eater, if that's the right word for it.  If there is something tempting in the house, I'll eat it.  And not one slice or serving, but as much as my stomach can handle.  Hence the house rule of no Cheetos, Oreos, or candy in the house.  Because if it's there, I will eat it.  All.  Within minutes.

So, my hope for the cleanse is that as well as cleaning out my system, I will be teaching myself willpower.  That I can sit in a house full of food and not eat it--even when I'm hungry.  To know the difference between true hunger, boredom hunger, and binge hunger.

On Friday, Colby and I went for dinner at my favorite Mt. Pleasant restaurant, 17 North, and I relished a delicious glass of Writers Block pinot noir, an enormous meal of deviled eggs, a bacon cheeseburger, and a delicious caramel brownie with vanilla ice cream. Saturday I started easing myself in with Greek yogurt for breakfast and soup and bread for lunch and dinner.  Then Sunday was my first day of the cleanse, and I must admit, it was tough.  I still had plenty of energy in the morning, and was able to get in a 3 mile run, no problem.  But what I didn't think about was how many calories I was going to burn early on that I wouldn't be replenishing throughout the day.  So, I hit a major slump around 4 o'clock, and there was nothing for it but to crash on the couch for a few hours.

I'll talk in more detail about exactly what this cleanse entails in my next blog, but what I do like about it is that I'm constantly putting liquids in my stomach and hopefully training myself to be better hydrated throughout the day.  So while I do feel hungry throughout the day, after the "meals" I do have a sense of feeling full.

I want to be very clear--this is NOT a diet.  I'm sure that I will lose water weight, and I weigh myself regularly, so I'll be able to share whether I do lose anything, but I know that as soon as I start eating again, that weight is going to come back.  But I do hope that after cleaning out my system over the next few days, I'll be able to go back into eating with a healthier, stronger mindset.  Am I going to cut out pizza and brownies entirely?  No.  But I want to incorporate more fruits and vegetables, drink more liquids (that aren't fermented or carbonated), and eat only when I'm hungry.

I'm not sure how long I'll do the cleanse.  I'm listening closely to my body and I think I'll know when I hit my limit.  By the end of today, I'll probably be able to set an end date.  Initially I was going to cleanse through Saturday, but I've gotten to the point where I really enjoy my workouts and I don't want to give them up for a week and lose all of the muscle that I've gained.  Yesterday, I was ready to throw in the towel after one day, but this morning I woke up feeling fresh and rejuvenated, so I'll take it a day at a time and try to make it at least four or five days.

And probably nap.  A lot.

Reaffirming My Neuroses

It's kind of a running joke between Colby and me--how he's a daring, adventury type and I'm the scared little mouse, keeping back from cliff edges, paralyzed by fear at great heights, terrified of pretty much anything and everything.

I've tried to explain to him that the rest of the human population seems to have a "yeah, but it won't happen to me" mindset, whereas my take on things is more along the lines of "terrible things have to happen to someone, why wouldn't it be me?"  So while most people seem to live life with a sanity preserving expectation of near immortality, I'm pretty much expecting death and destruction at every turn.

And my cautious nature has kept me pretty safe throughout most of my life.  My most extreme injuries have been a broken foot, a sprained wrist, and a twisted ankle.  I credit a healthy dose of fear with getting me to the ripe old age of 28, and I'm hoping that prescription lasts well into my old age.  

Every now and then I think how wonderful it would be to be more of a daredevil--to push through the fear and do the things that scare me so much.  Go bungee jumping, climb all the way to the top of a rock wall, ski fearlessly down the black diamond course.  To not have my heart in my throat every time Colby wants to peer over the edge of a mountain or disappear into the wilderness for days of hiking.  I can't imagine what a mess I'm going to be when I have kids.  I don't even like it when my dogs are off leash at the dog park--what if a dog attacks them, or they drown in the lake, or a snake bites them, or, or, or...

But then I hear about a jumper whose parachute didn't open, an experienced bicyclist wearing all of his protective gear who is hit by a utility van and ejected over the edge of a 30 foot high bridge, a baseball fan reaching for a foul ball and plumetting 20 feet to his death.  None of those people woke up in the morning thinking that it would be their last, they just thought how amazing it would be to feel the wind in their face, their muscles working, to see their favorite team play a good game.

And then I'm right back where I started, Colby teasing me about my wariness (I prefer to think of it as wisdom or mindfulness... or self-preservation), and me thinking "Bad things happen to people, and I'm a people.  Coincidence?  I think not."

The Desert of South Carolina

After living in Seattle for two and a half years, I thought I would be happy if I never saw another raindrop again.  I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

Do I want the wearying, depressing month after month of constant rainfall and grey skies back?  No.  Do I want just some tiny dent made in our 10" rain deficit?  Oh my STARS, yes.  I am so bloody tired of the sun.

I feel like I'm in that episode of the Twilight Zone where the earth is moving closer to the sun, and everyone is dying of heatstroke and all of my paintings are going to start melting off the canvas.  You know, because I'm just knee deep in paintings over here.  At what point am I going to wake up from this nightmare and realize that we are actually drowning in an endless deluge of monsooning rain?

What is even more frustrating is that our neighborhood seems to be in an entirely separate climate from the rest of the greater Charleston area.  When we went to Myrtle Beach, we drove home in such heavy rainfall that Colby was driving below the speedlimit and we were struggling to see the brake lights of the cars directly in front of us.  We were in that downpour until we were about 10-15 minutes from our house, then we came home and watched on the radar as the massive storm skirted right around us and dumped all over the rest of the city and surrounding towns.

On Tuesday night, I had to come downstairs to sleep on the couch so that my nutcase dogs wouldn't jump out of their skin with all of the thunder and lightning that was crashing overhead, but nary a drop of rain deigned to grace our yard.  When Colby drove to work, he discovered that the rain had started about 3 miles away from us.

Is this some kind of clever punishment for my lack of appreciation for the Emerald City while I lived there?  Am I condemned to a life of exorbitant water bills and plants that slowly wilt, crumble, and die--shrieking silently in their death throes--as I look to the skies and beg for the rain to fall?

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS ARID MADNESS!!!!

I'm Baaaaaack!

Not that I actually went anywhere, but we were without internet for much of the weekend and blogging on my iPhone is about my least favorite thing in the world.  However, all is well now as our connection is faster than ever and I talked down our monthly bill through the cunning use of whining.  Huzzah!

It ended up being a splendiferous weekend, though it was certainly touch and go there for a couple of days.  While I was so thrilled that Colby was supposed to be home for two weeks between his spate of trips, the Air Force was doing everything in its power to ruin things.  First, they were going to send him on a five day trip over the weekend.  We were bummed about that, but as soon as we'd accepted it, the schedulers realized that they'd made an error on the length of the trip and Colby wouldn't get back from it in time to leave on his next trip.  So yay!  We had our weekend back!  Then we got the call that Colby would have to stay on base starting on Friday through the weekend until Wednesday.  Much anger and frustration was called forth, the schedulers must have realized they needed to find another pilot to abuse before they lost their go-to guy.  And with that, we decided to run off to Myrtle Beach for the day before they changed their minds again.

Myrtle Beach was... interesting.  We entered the town through a street ornamented wih such entertainment options as The Pink Pussycat (formerly The Bunny Ranch), an assortment of adult oriented shops, and various other "Girls! Girls! Girls!" themed storefronts.  So we were a little leary from the get go, then driving down the main drag we got the feeling that everything needed to be hosed down with chlorine and given a fresh coat of paint.  I've heard that the area a bit north from the main street along the beach is nicer, but we were surrounded by a sea of airbrush t-shirt stalls, Ripley's Believe it or Not, and a surprising variety of pancake houses... and the actual sea.  It was a fun day trip, but we were very happy to return to our own less spring break geared beaches.

On Saturday, we spent the morning with our pal, the Comcast guy, working on repairing our internet, then headed over to a friend's house for her 2-year-old's birthday party. It included pizza, a butter yellow cake with chocolate frosting and watching little kids whaling on a pinata, a few of my favorite things.  Sunday we laid low and saved up our energy for 4th of July excitement, and Monday we scooted over to Sullivan's Island for a beach day with some friends.

We ate at Dunleavy's Pub, which had a wide selection of seafood, pub food, and "American fare" like hot dogs, hamburgers, and grilled cheese.  It was definitely a candidate for a return visit in the future.  Once I'd tucked away a chili cheese slaw dog and a couple of hard ciders, we headed down to the beach.  I loved that there was a deep tide pool that we could swim around in and cross to reach a sandbar that led to the open ocean on the other side.  I deluded myself into feeling much safer in the tide pool because only really small sharks could be swimming around in there looking for feet to chew on.  Once we were thoroughly baked, we came back home where we curled up for some Twilight Zone action and watched the amazing fireworks show put on by our neighbors.

It was really the perfect weekend with a very carefully balanced amount of fun and excitement and chilling at home, and I am so, so, so grateful that Colby was able to be home to enjoy it with me.  I hope all of you Yanks had an amazing holiday weekend, and for the rest of you I hope your 4th of July was just as swell as any other Monday!

SOS

Halp!

Please send Internet!*

iPhone insufficient for quality communication with online world.

* Also Oreos if have some on hand.

/end communication