Nine

"Each month I watch for blood, fearfully, for when it comes it means failure.  I have failed once again to fulfill the expectations of others, which have become my own.

"I used to think of my body as an instrument, of pleasure, or a means of transportation, or an implement for the accomplishment of my will.  I could use it to run, push buttons of one sort or another, make things happen.  There were limits, but my body was nevertheless lithe, single, solid, one with me.

"Now the flesh arranges itself differently.  I'm a cloud, congealed around a central object, the shape of a pear, which is hard and more real than I am and glows red within its translucent wrapping.  Inside it is a space, huge as the sky at night and dark and curved like that, though black-red rather than black.  Pinpoints of light swell, sparkle, burst and shrivel within it, countless as stars.  Every month there is a moon, gigantic, round, heavy, an omen.  It transits, pauses, continues on and passes out of sight, and I see despair coming towards me like famine.  To feel that empty, again, again.  I listen to my heart, wave upon wave, salty and red, continuing on and on, marking time."

The Handmaids Tale
Margaret Atwood

Comments

[Kendra]

=( Im so sorry. There really arent words to make you feel better, so Im sending hugs and positive vibes your way.

[sophie]

Love and hugs. So sorry, babe. Lots of good stuff heading your way.

[Brittany]

I am thinking of you. I wish I could do more.

[To the Nth]

You're in my thoughts.

[Brittany]

:( Thats all there is to say.

[Solange]

:( So sorry.

[Emily Jane]

I know this feeling too well, and this was just heartbreaking. I'm sorry :(

[Abby]

Sending you lots and lots of hugs.

[Julie]

I just finished reading that book a couple of weeks ago. I hate that a section like that from that book is feeling relate-able for you. :( Sending you healing vibes and good wishes for your hearts desire ASAP!!