I know this blog is teetering dangerously close to being all empty uterus all the time, but I have always written about my life in the moment with very little censorship, and this is happens to be the central issue in my world at this point. I also feel very strongly that the tabboos associated with trying to conceive are increcibly antiquated and am on a personal mission to break through those bonds of silence that so many women who have difficulty conceiving place upon themselves. April 24 through April 30 is National Infertility Awareness Week, and I wanted to take this opportunity to talk openly about many of the stereotypes and stigmas associated with conceiving.
I want to clarify that I have not received a diagnosis of infertility and I hope very much that I never will. We have been trying to get pregnant for seven cycles--six with perfect timing--and a woman is only diagnosed with infertility after she has been actively trying with good timing for 12 months or 12 cycles. So, there is a very good chance that I will never have to go through the emotional hearbreak that a woman with the diagnosis of infertility will go through. However, I read an article on Parents.com, "7 Myths About Infertility", and I felt that it easily could have been retitled "7 Myths about Conception". You can read about all seven myths on the website, and I encourage you to do so, but I want to talk about the few that hit home the hardest to me.
Myth 1: It's easy for most women to get pregnant.
I confess that I personally believed this before trying to conceive. I had a niggling sense of worry, but I honestly believed that after a month of trying, I would be pregnant. It is unfortunate that women are so poorly educated about their reproductive system and how absolutely miraculous it is that all of the necessary occurences take place for an egg to become fertilized, implant in the womb and develop into a healthy fetus. I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating: A healthy couple, under 35 years of age, with NO medical issues and perfect timing has only a 20% chance of conceiving each cycle. Twenty percent!
We all think of the women in our circles who became pregnant immediately, or even on accident, but the sad fact is that women who do have trouble conceiving often don't discuss their struggles, keeping it a secret even from their immediate family and closest friends. Maybe if we all became more educated about reproduction, a little more sensitive to how to react when a friend or family member does share their struggle, women wouldn't feel as though they were trapped alone with a dirty secret.
Myth 3: Infertility is a psychological--not physical--problem.
I suspect that if you were to take a poll of women who have spent 6 months or more trying to get pregnant, they would pretty unanimously agree that the absolute most ignorant, insensitive response they have received when they've discussed difficulty conceiving is to "just relax". It is absolutely infuriating, because it places the responsibility for conception squarely on the woman's shoulders, implying that a level of stress (that is certainly unavoidable when you are having difficulty conceiving) is the factor keeping that woman from becoming pregnant.
Yes, it is true that high levels of stress or illness can delay ovulation as the body involuntarily works to protect the egg and release it in only the optimal environment. However, if a woman has educated herself on her body, confirms ovulation through charting or medical monitoring, understands her cycles and recognizes that ovulation is not the problem, then frankly stress or worry has little to do with conception. Indicating that the woman can do anything about whether the egg fertilizes and implants is incredibly hurtful and unrealistic.
We all know that person who has been trying to get pregnant for ages, then went on vacation and voila! Baby! But I can pretty much guarantee you it had nothing to do with the level of relaxation and much more to do with increased sex, good timing, and just finally hitting that 20% chance of success. I've been on multiple vacations with Colby in the past six months. What does that tell you?
Myth 4: Couples who "work" hard enough at having a baby, will eventually get pregnant.
Personally, this assumption comes in only second to "just relax" in the level of annoyance it sparks in me. If people knew just how hard we've worked at having a baby, they probably would think we've gone beyond the pale. I use ovulation prediction kits, I confirm ovulation and track my luteal phase through charting (checking my Basal Body Temperature and yes, my cervical mucus), I've researched the optimal positions, I've tried drinking green tea, pomegranate juice, I take a prenatal vitamin, multiple supplements, think positive thoughts. If it came down to hard work, we would be pregnant six times over at this point. Probably with triplets.
Unfortunately, particularly to a goal oriented person like me, that's just not the way conception works. All I can do is work to make my body a healthy, supportive environment for any fertilized eggs that want to come my way, and hope for the best. Everything I do is only upping my chances of having that perfect moment, and even then I'll still have only a 20% chance of all of the factors aligning and resulting in two lines on a pregnancy test. So please, not that I think you would, but never imply or think "Maybe if you worked a little harder" or joke that "You just must not be doing it right!".
I think the best advice I can give anyone is to never assume that your own experiences are indicative of anyone else's experience. If you became pregnant easily, don't assume it's the same for everyone. If you struggled to conceive or dealt/deal with infertility, don't hold it against others who do become pregnant. The greatest piece of advice I ever received, when having a difficult moment after discovering that another friend had become pregnant while we still tried and tried, was to remember that there is not a quota of babies that come into this world. When someone else gets pregnant she is not taking my baby away from me. It's not reducing my chances of becoming pregnant. And she may well have had her share of struggles getting there as well.
My baby is still somewhere in my future, and whatever path life takes me down will lead me there. Whether my child comes from my body or from China, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will become a mother some day. And that is NOT a myth.
My first choice was the beautiful Tuileries dress from Anthropologie. The delicate floral, French script, contrasting waist tie and casual tank style top perfectly fit all of my requirements. Even better, it was marked down 50% to $79 and was in my size. I added it to my cart first thing Tuesday morning, spent a few minutes mulling over another top, made the decision to go for it and... It had already sold out. Sad. Face. Yesterday, my sister checked the Manhattan Anthros for me, with no luck, and sweet Jen even called her local store to check. But it just wasn't meant to be. Adieu Tuileries, I barely knew ye.
eShakti Hummingbird Corset Style Dress
Savannah
