Confessions Part 3

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So, it's been a long time since I've bared my soul to you and confessed a whole lot of things that I generally keep swept under the carpet.  But sometimes, it's very cathartic to just SAY THINGS, regardless of what people will think of you or whether anyone will agree.  Get it out there, let it roll around the universe for a bit, and then let things settle where they may.  It's been a while since I've done this.  I wrote my first round of confessions almost two years ago, and I let go another volley a few months later.  So, here we have it, my most recent round of Uncomfortably Honest Things I Should Just Keep to Myself.  Except I'm a blogger.  By definition, I am incapable of keeping things to myself.

* I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and my foray into child care further reinforced my desire to raise my children myself and not depend on relative strangers to do it for me.  I don't judge moms that choose differently, but wow, there is some seriously weird shit that goes on in child care.

* I’ve come to think that my Masters degree is a huge waste of time and money.

* I hate any website with music that plays automatically.  I don’t care how well you write, I’m out.  Jane Austen could come back from the dead, start a blog, and if Colbie Callait came blaring on my speakers, I’d be done.

* I am crazy competitive.  Unfortunately, I’m not super great at a whole lot of things.  This can frequently lead to a “situation”.

* This competitiveness spills over into blogging sometimes.  I’m never going to be a super blogger.  I get that.  I embrace it.  But the stat counter can really boost or destroy my ego.  Especially when I think about how many hits I used to get, compared to how many I get now.  I know I need to just get.  Over.  It.  But that’s difficult.

* Sometimes when my dogs are really driving me nuts and I snap at them and yell like an ogre or smack them on the nose, I become absolutely horrified at what kind of mother I might be someday.  Note to self: remove all wire hangers from the house the second I conceive.

* In addition to the boobs I would like to purchase some day, I would also love to have extensions put in my hair.  For it is flat and thin and uninspired.  Yes, I would like to be made of Fake.

* I’ve been going through a serious crisis of faith for the past couple of years.  I know I believe in something.  I just don’t know what it is.  I still pray, but I don’t know who or what I’m praying to.  Usually, I just feel like I’m talking to myself.

* Receiving a long email can significantly brighten my day.  Hearing my phone ring makes me want to throw up.

* It doesn’t matter how cute a piece of clothing is.  If it runs small and I have to “size up”, I refuse to buy it.  Subsequently, Target and Old Navy get a lot of my money.

* I don’t work out to be healthy.  I work out so that I can eat like crap.

* If no one comments on my Facebook status, I feel like a total loser.  Me = totally secure.

* I think people who follow trends regardless of how that trend is even remotely flattering are stupid.  Remember gauchos of yesteryear?  Bodysuits, anyone?  The rompers of today.  Mark my words.  We will look back and laugh.  Bitterly.

* I think I’ve become addicted to tea like most people are addicted to coffee.  I can’t go a day without a cup.  Or two.  Okay, three.

Comments

[To the Nth]

I'm a tea drinker, too. I start every morning with a cup of black tea, and I'll often follow it up with green tea in the afternoon. When it gets cold out, an evening mug of something herbal -- chamomile or mint, perhaps -- works its way into the routine, as well.

[Aly @ Breathe Gently]

Oh, I am TOTALLY the same with Facebook. It makes me kind of twitchy seeing a post with not a single comment on it. ;-)

[Lynn]

You will change your mind about gauchos when you conceive. I bought a pair to run with the fashion, I continue to wear them because they stretched over my massive belly and are great transition wear!

[Same Sweet Girl]

GIRL!!!! I am so with you on some of these!!! It makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one. Thanks for putting yourself out there! LOL

[Julie]

In order to make you feel not so alone on some of these, let me agree as follows:

* Stay at home mom one - YES. ME TOO. (but also because I've always wanted to get to do the fun stuff like museums and fun kid activities during the day.)
* Being horrified at what kind of mother I might be someday after I scold or pop one of my cats for being mildly annoying. This is a tough one - see first item.
*Re: faith and praying. "Usually, I just feel like I’m talking to myself." I used to feel like this for a long time, so I finally quit. Now I don't beat myself up about it.
*Hearing my phone ring makes me heave a huge exasperated sigh and think, god, what do they want NOW?.
* "I think I’ve become addicted to tea like most people are addicted to coffee." I hate coffee and don't drink soda, so tea is my vice. I feel like the caffeine headache I get from missing my daily tea is worse than ones I used to get from soda. Weird.
*Fake body additions: I would like to get boobs only after I have kids, since I don't want pregnancy and breastfeeding (both of which are on the agenda for the next year or two) to ruin them in any way.

Thanks for confessing! :)

[Jenn]

Two things made me decide that I really do not want kids, one of them was my dad saying to me on a day that Rufus was wearing me down "if you can't take the dog, how are you going to have kids?" Point taken and that among other things made me realize I really don't want kids.

Every time I hear our phone ring, my thought is "Damn it, what the hell do they want?"

I used to care about my stats and at some point I quit caring cold turkey. I'm never going to be a super blogger either and I've gotten to the point that I'm pretty happy about that. :)

[Miriam]

Also, in order to go to the bathroom in a romper? You have to completely strip down. Not worth it in my opinion. :)

[Heidi Renée]

I don't check Statcounter anymore. I immediately delete the weekly report e-mails. I do sometimes wonder why I'm not as "liked" as other, newer bloggers who get what seems like hundreds of followers overnight. But then I remember that I feel like I have genuine friendships with the small group of people who read my blog. If I had hundreds of followers I wouldn't be able to really connect with all of them, and then what's the point of that?

I'm ambivalent about motherhood because I know what kind of mother I would want to be... and it would take A LOT of work. When my cats start acting like asshats, nobody cares when I holler at them until they run away. Luckily Jason is on the same page about children, so there's no pressure from him.

If somebody comments on my Facebook status a bunch of times or tries to have a conversation with me on my own status, I get annoyed and delete it.

[Chelsea]

This is totally awesome. Don't you love confessing a bunch of random crap to the internet? It's so liberating.

Oh. And my self esteem may or may not sometimes be commensurate with my blog stats. I totally agree with PLENTY of these.

[Cat]

Hi, Internet Friend! I will comment on a couple of these points as well.

1) I admire your ability to spill it to the internets. I can't quite bring myself to do it.

2)I COMPLETELY agree about websites that play music. Pet peeve of mine as well. Although if I'm being honest, I would probably look past it for a zombie Jane Austen.

3)I have a lot less patience for my cats (whom I adore) than I do for my daughter. Ask me again in 13 years, but right now I happily surprise myself with how much patience I have for her. And how protective I am. Something about survival of the species, I think....

4) Don't get fake boobs until after babies. It can make brestfeeding ugly, and breastfeeding can make fake boobs ugly.

5)I read your blog all the time, but through an RSS feed, so I probably don't show up on your statcounter. Sorry, bad blogging buddy.

[katelin]

i seriously hate when sites have music automatically playing because it's rarely good and usually scares the crap out of me.

[Kaley]

So basically, I am you and you are me. YES YES and YES. Confessional- style blogging is so awesome, isn't it?

[Kendra]

Love this post! Doesn't it feel good to express yourself and not care enough about negative comments to let that prevent you from doing it?

I completely agree on the sites that play music. Cant. Stand. It!
I would also LOVE to get hair extensions! Mine is so thin and could desperately use a boost.
It definitely saddens me if I don't get any comments on a blog post. I don't care so much about FB, but no blog comments stings. (even though it shouldnt)

[Jessica]

I'll move by you if I have kids and you can raise mine, too. I don't think I could do it. I would get bored at home I think.

[Kate P]

Am so with you on that website-playing-music thing. It's startling to have tinny music start up out of nowhere!

I got a picture in my head of Tevye standing next to his milk cart when you said you weren't sure if you were praying or talking to yourself. *shrug* If it's good for you, and you're looking for answers, stick with it.

[garden state prep]

I have phone issues as well - there are certain people I don't mind talking to but others it's a whole different story. I also find that I love drinking tea in the afternoon (caffeine free) and when I miss it, my day feels off kilter.

[PomJob]

Hahahaha gauchos. Glad I never hopped on that bandwagon. Also avoiding jeggings and rompers.

I too work out so I can eat like crap. Only, I haven't been working out but continue to eat like crap. It's not going well.

Want a buddy to tour Biltmore? I'm your girl!

[PomJob]

Oh, and I think feedreaders have killed statcounters, so don't stress about that.