One of my frequent self-deprecating jokes is how I could happily give away all of my worldly goods and go live in a remote cabin, far away from cell phones, social interactions, and civilization as a whole. This is patently untrue for many reasons, not the least of which being my love for shoes and the distinct lack of places to wear them in the vicinity of said remote cabin. Please don't misunderstand, I still love me some alone time and will happily spend entire weekends wrapped up in a book or powering my way through a television series that I've become obsessed with. But over the years, I have come to realize the importance of making and maintaining friendships.
When I read through old blog posts from when I lived in Arkansas, it's easy to see how alone I felt. I had trouble making real bosom buddies there, because almost all of my free time was spent visiting Colby or spending time with him while he was visiting me. Towards the last eight or nine months that I lived there (not by coincidence, I think, a time during which Colby and I were broken up) I managed to reach out and connect with a couple of great girls that I still keep in touch with today, but because we were all moving on from our lives there in rapid succession, we never really had the chance to form a deep friendship.
Even so, I missed them when I moved, and knowing how difficult it is for me to come out of my shell and let people in, I wasn't terribly optimistic about my chances of making close friends in Washington. For the first year or so that we lived here, I let my shyness rule and kept mostly to myself, hanging out with Colby and his friends and meeting their wives and girlfriends from time to time, but hesitant to follow through or making any sort of effort to build a relationship.
Because that's the thing I've learned--friendships do take work. You have to let go of insecurities telling you that you're not funny enough, smart enough, or pretty enough for anyone to really like you. Much like dating, you have to put yourself out there, realize that you'll connect with some people and not so much with others. But friends don't just drop from the sky, you have to seek them out and do your part to nurture them until they grow from acquaintance, to buddy, to a really meaningful person in your life.
I have been so lucky here to find an incredible group of women. When I think of leaving them... ugh, it just breaks my heart. There's Nicole, who I can always count on to watch a cheesy television show with me or stay up late into the night talking about love and life. Carolyn, one of the sweetest most genuine people I've ever met, who always has a kind word and shares my love for musical theater and has introduced me to opera. One Sarah, who always has a witty retort and deep appreciation for blue humor, but has a heart the size of Texas and the ability to cook a dinner or bake a dessert that will have you sneaking thirds and fourths when no one is looking. And the other Sarah, the one who always has a level head and wise comment, and a deep appreciation for the pleasures and importance of a good meal. And of course, Lori, who first made me feel welcome here in this furthest corner of the contiguous United States, always making sure that we have a family for the holidays and who can always find the good in every situation.
These are the people who keep me sane while Colby is away, who make me laugh even when I really don't feel like it, and are always up for a wild, Washington adventure. I'll miss them terribly when they're no longer a short car ride away, but I'll always have a place for them in my heart and my memory. They are what have made this world, so far from the family and friends I left behind, not only bearable but enjoyable. I only hope that somehow, someway I manage to find more friends like them down the long and winding road ahead of us.
"For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils."
~William Wordsworth
Oh Angela, I'm sorry about the whole moving away part. Yeah know, ever since I graduated from college I haven't had any close friends (except one but she doesn't live close by) to count on. I try to keep a friendship going but people get so wrapped up themselves or the lives they are comfortable with and don't seem to be open for others to befriend them. It hurts, but I also think that if they aren't willing then there's a reason and I need to move on too. The girls I used to be very close with have changed so much from the days ago and we are on completely different levels now and don't even talk anymore. That too hurts because after 10 years you'd think a simple text, short phone call, FB message or quick email would be possible. Somehow it doesn't seem they find it possible.
Posted by: sara.jane | June 01, 2009 at 10:09 PM
I'm glad you were able to find such great friends -- even if it took a little bit of time, it sounds like it was worth it to find the right group. Hopefully, reaching out to new people will be easier as you move around more. I met Ted through a group that I found online (not a singles thing) and showed up to that not knowing a soul and by myself. That was so hard for me, but it seems to get easier each time.
Posted by: Becky | June 01, 2009 at 10:21 PM
Aww finding good friend are hard but with the right amount of time, you can find new ones that you can connect with and build relationships with. It just takes time.
Posted by: Jessica | June 02, 2009 at 03:28 AM
I think it's natural to be sad and feel lonely as you say goodbye to your local friends. But look at it this way, wherever you move, you will have a new opportunity to meet some cool people and make new memories, while still keeping in touch with your old friends. Like someone said, it just takes time.
Posted by: Jass | June 02, 2009 at 03:07 PM
That was a lovely post - and so true! Good friends are hard to come by, but once you find them, it's like being at home.
Posted by: Julie | June 02, 2009 at 06:17 PM
Aww, that's so sweet! Moving is definitely one of the harder parts about this life ... but I have to ask, are you moving? Did I miss that bit of information?
Posted by: Lynn | June 04, 2009 at 03:06 PM
I'm late to this post...but just had to say, that is one of my favorite poems. I love the parallel you draw to friendships. It's so true. And certainly the reward is worth the effort it takes to reach out and make those bonds in the first place. (I say as though I have not struggled with just that exact dilemma over the last several years.)
Posted by: Cat | June 10, 2009 at 06:21 AM
What a heartfelt post. I think your friends will be missing you too.
Posted by: simplypink | June 10, 2009 at 08:10 AM