Tomorrow Is Another Day...

Just When You Think You've Got It All Figured Out

My life has settled into a very pleasant consistency lately.  During the week I get in as many hours at work as possible, given our new budgetary restrictions.  I play some Sorry, make sure kids don't bust their heads open when they're playing on the monkey bars, and try not to crush their delicate little souls when I beat them at chess and/or checkers multiple times in one sitting.  Then I maybe squeeze in a brief (read: 2-4 hour) nap sometime during the day, contemplate doing some homework, and catch up on my blog reading and DVR watching.  On the weekends I spend time with friends, actually do my homework, and try to stay away from those addictive eBay auctions.  It's nice, I like existing well within my comfort zone and I'd gotten, well, comfortable there.  (My Lord, I have a way with words.)

Anyway, a funny thing happened today when I was on my way out the door of the school after earning an entire hour's worth of a paycheck.  My site director asked me if I would be interested in being promoted to... site director.  After less than two months on the job.

Obviously, I am incredibly honored to be asked.  I've never been this successful at a job, well, ever.  And I've never felt as appreciated and respected as a worker and a leader as I have at this job.  My immediate reaction was honestly shock, and I had trouble thinking of any of the right questions to ask.  I do know that the job would come with a fairly sizable raise (I say sizable in a sort of 100 x 0 still equals 0 kind of way, but you know, slightly better than zero), an average of 36 hours a week compared to the whopping twelve I'll be lucky to pick up this week, and most intimidatingly, a much greater level of responsibility as I will be ultimately responsible for an entire site and in charge of at least one site leader as well as 20+ kids.  That, in case you are wondering, is not within my comfort zone.

There are a couple of cons, aside from the intimidation factor.  One, I'm not entirely certain that I want what is essentially a full time job.  I'm pretty certain that I could handle school while working those hours, I mean seriously, most of the other people in my class juggle multiple children, multiple jobs, as well as school and they seem to survive.  I just don't know if that's what I want.  Two, I would be going from a ten minute commute to a twenty-five minute commute down one of the most horrific roads known to man.  Third, I have gotten incredibly attached to the kids at my school, and it breaks my heart to think about leaving them.  Four, we're talking a 5 o'clock wake up call EVERY MORNING.  Granted, I'll still be back home by 9:30 in the morning, but damn y'all, 5 o'clock is EARLY.

Of course, I can't make my decision based on the kids, and if I'm going to be a teacher then I certainly need to learn to accept the fact that I'll only have these little people in my life for a short time and that my next class will probably earn their own special place in my heart.  And I suspect that the additional hours and pay raise will more than make up for the longer commute financially.  My initial instinct is to say thank you so much for your vote of confidence, I really appreciate the offer, but no thanks.  But then a second instinct creeps up, right when I feel like I've made my decision, that says, "Stretch your wings little birdie!  Take a chance and a walk on the wild side!  And really, just think of the joys of paid vacation!"

So, you know, I've got a lot to think about over the next few days.  Not the least of which, how cute is this dress, and why shouldn't it belong to me at 60% off retail price?

Oh, eBay, you saucy temptress, you.

Fashion Dilemma: Halloween Edition

Halloween is approaching rapidly, and I'm trying to put together the finishing touches on my flapper costume.  I have the main pieces pulled together, but am still waiting for my back-seamed stockings to arrive and need a couple of other little accessories, which is where you, my favorite readers in the world come in.

First question, I need a bold red lipstick, but I'm having trouble finding a shade that is less five dollar hooker and more Thoroughly Modern Millie.  Keeping my coloring in mind (pale and... pale), does anyone have any suggestions for the perfect red?

Second question, a shoe dilemma.  Here is the dress I'm wearing:

And here are my shoe options:

A) Black Gemma

B) Brown Regina










I'm torn, because I think that the black shoes are a little more dressy, plus they match the black feather in the headband, but the brown shoes have a very nice vintagey feel to them and are a pretty neutral brown.  So, seriously, if I'm going to give Daisy Buchanan a run for her money on Friday night, I really need your help!

Spring Awakening

Some pray that one day Christ will come a'-callin'
They light a candle and hope that it glows
And some just lie there crying for him to come and find them
But when he comes they don't know how to go

Last weekend, I had the great pleasure of seeing a phenomenal performance of Spring Awakening at the gorgeous Paramount Theater in Seattle.  We’ve gotten incredibly lucky with all of the fantastic musicals that have been coming through lately, but I feel particularly privileged to have finally seen this powerful production for myself.  I think I might finally understand how it feels to be a Renthead.  I loved everything about Spring Awakening—the simple staging, the evocative music and lyrics, the complete disregard for propriety and complete and utter passion with which the story was told and performed.  Without a doubt, this musical has earned a place amongst my top favorite musicals of all time, right up there with Wicked, Phantom, Sweeney Todd, and My Fair Lady.  (And, um, lots more, but we really don't have the time right now...)  I haven’t been able to stop listening the soundtrack that I downloaded immediately after getting home from the theater, and I can’t lay my head down to sleep at night without thinking about all of the feelings that the story brought out in me.

Listening
For the hope, for the new life
Something beautiful, a new chance
Hear its whispering
There again

The play is set in a small German town in the 1890s, but really, the setting could be anywhere at any time as long as we continue to live in a society that frowns upon sex in all of its forms and all talk of sex as a dirty, shameful thing and sweeps it under the rug in the hopes that if we don’t educate our youth about the mechanics, they won’t go exploring them on their own.  But of course, they will, and the less they know about what they’re doing, the more tragic the probable outcome.  Thinking that one can only be impregnated by one’s husband, for example.

You wanna laugh, it’s too absurd
You start to ask, can’t hear a word
You want to crash and burn
You start to cave, you start to cry
You try to run, nowhere to hide
You want to crumble up, and close that door

The cast is small—there are only three main characters, four or five supporting, a small ensemble, and then two older actors that play all of the adult characters.  This ingenious casting concept did a spectacular job of conveying a sense of anonymity to all of the parents and teachers included in the story, and placing the spotlight on the emotions and actions of the school-age characters. The story revolves mainly around Wendla, a naïve and curious girl balanced precariously on the edge of womanhood, Melchior, the handsome, outspoken, brilliant, and rebellious boy who captures Wendla’s fascination, and Moritz, the class slacker with a heart of gold and hidden vulnerability.

It’s the bitch of living and trying to get ahead
It’s the bitch of living just getting out of bed
It’s the bitch of living and getting what you get

The plot at its simplest level explores the “Spring Awakening” that occurs in all of our lives when we hit our early to mid-teens and suddenly become nothing but walking bundles of hormones and anxiety.  At its deepest level, it is an exploration of how all of those changes can truly screw us up if we experience them without any sort of support system, or understanding of what is going on in our lives and between our legs.

Where I go, when I go there
No more weeping anymore
Only in and out your lips
The broken wishes, washing with them, to shore

Something happens when we leave our teenage years behind.  We convince ourselves that all of that angst and drama was silly and frivolous, that our problems weren’t real like they are now that we are faced with mortgages, taxes, and “real life”.  We smile indulgently when we think of the tears we shed over the heartache and confusion we felt all of those years ago, laugh at our melodramatic diary entries and poems, but as hard as we try to laugh that pain away, it is part of what made us who we are today.  We can’t take teenage angst seriously, because to do so would mean that we would have to take our own teen selves seriously, and it’s far easier to laugh at ourselves and congratulate ourselves on how far we’ve come since then.

Oh I believe
There is love in heaven
All will be forgiven
There is love in heaven
All will be forgiven

Spring Awakening certainly isn’t for everyone.  It deals with topics such as teen suicide, homosexuality, child abuse in all of its forms, as well as teen sex and pregnancy in very explicit ways, and the language is certainly R rated.  But I think that’s what made it so hauntingly real.  As much as we don’t like to think about it, real life isn’t always very nice, and it certainly isn’t G rated, and while I certainly welcome an escape from that reality, it’s also refreshing to see a group of incredibly talented performers get up on stage and rock you to the core with their honesty.

There’s so much more to find –
Another dream, another love you’ll hold
Still you know
To trust your own true mind
On your way – you are not alone
There are those who still know

The Hills... Basically More of the Same

I think I've figured out why I'm having such a hard time really getting involved in The Hills this season.  At first I thought this season was just substantially less interesting than seasons past, but what it really comes down to is that because of constant tabloid coverage, we already know everything that's happening to these people.  The big drama of whether Heidi and Lauren are going to reconcile was kind of quelled when we read reports of them hugging and talking after Lauren's fashion show.  I wasn't ever really convinced that she and Doug would happen because of all of the shots of her and Kyle Howard being spotted making out all over the west coast.  And as for whether or not Heidi is going to continue putting up with Spencer's crap?  Well, obviously since their still staging romantic tableaux anywhere that pays up front.  It's kind of like watching How I Met Your Mother, but KNOWING who the mother is because you just caught a glimpse of the wedding photo on the mantel.  But anyway, at least for now, I continue to watch week after week and I can still wring a little joy out of the show through good-natured mockery.

The last couple of times on The Hills... If She Never Met Spencer
In this very special episode of The Hills Audrina dates a hottie named Colin who just can't quite manage to outshine the greasy, be-hatted Justin Bobby in Audrina's presumably less than perfect vision eyes.  Holly and Lauren hang out a few times so that Holly can plead Heidi's case and Heidi writes Lauren a "heartfelt" letter pleading her own case that she earnestly signs "Heidi Montag".  Lauren tries not to roll her eyes too much and straight up says that as long as Heidi and Spencer are together, there is no way their friendship can be repaired.  Heidi and Holly mull over this turn of events and Spencer busts into their scene to fulfill his contractually obligated dillweed scene, and then the episode ends with everyone staring off into space in a studiedly vacant manner.

Who To Choose?
Audrina goes on a date with another super-hottie, this time it's Corey and he's rocking the most gorgeous Australian accent.  In fact, I vote that we kick all of these other losers off the show and instead spend 22 minutes each week being treated to nothing but Corey's dulcet Australian tones.  Lauren decides that the crew needs to go to Cabo and they promptly begin inviting everyone they've ever met including Corey and... Justin.  Meanwhile, Heidi and Spencer have a Very Serious Talk about Holly's living situation (read: on their couch) and lays down the ultimatum that either Holly moves out or he does.  And because Heidi is Heidi, Holly will be packing her bags pretty shortly.  Justin comes over to Lauren's house and he and Audrina spend some time lounging out by the pool beneath the stars while Audrina confesses that she's been dating a nice guy.  Justin assholes about how obviously nice is working out really well for the guy since he's nowhere to be found.  Audrina giggles, jumps in the pool and tosses her bikini top beside the pool.  Sigh... these girls.

So, now that we're caught up... You'll Never Have This
The crew is piling into a private jet, you know, just in case we'd forgotten that these people are richer than GOD and got that way because people like me are really bored.  I'm really just jealous though.  They start drinking immediately upon takeoff  and Frankie starts asking Audrina why she and Justin are sitting so far apart.  Audrina explains that they aren't there together and are both planning on hooking up with other people (way to have a plan!) and Lauren chimes in that they all have a lot of stuff that they're planning to leave behind in L.A. this weekend.  Except Audrina, she brought hers with her.  Badum dum CHING!

They arrive in Cabo and enter their villa right slap on the edge of the ocean with jaws hanging.  Ah, the noveau riche.  They are just so adorable!  Audrina is horrified to find that she and Justin are supposed to room together and puts her foot down.  How can she go through with her plan if Justin is in such close quarters!  She'll never be able to keep her top on!  Lauren assures Audrina that she can stay in her room if she wants and then they dash out into the surf, Coronas firmly in hand as Justin gazes after them in an approximation of wistfulness.

The guys are all stewing in a hot tub of their own filth and grilling Justin about his status with Audrina.  They gossip like girls about the Corey/Audrina/Justin triangle and Doug offers this little gem of wisdom, "All girls are shady."  Um, yeah, okay Shadey McShaderson.

Napoleon Perdis Cosmetics, L.A.: Heidi and Stephanie are shopping, and Stephanie drops the bomb that she has a boyfriend now.  Well, it would be a bomb if anyone cares, anyway.  But since no one does, she speedily moves on, mentioning that everyone is in Cabo for Brody's birthday.  Ooooh, that's why they're there!  Stephanie fills us in that she and Lauren are still not doing so well, and Heidi invites Stephanie and her boyfriend Cameron out on a double date.  Stephanie balks initially, but is immediately convinced by Heidi's clueless optimism.

Cabo: The party-goers are all sitting around the dinner table, looking gorgeously dewy and tropical as they feast on seafood and other tropic delights.  Justin needles Audrina a bit about Corey then brings up the shared room that Audrina apparently vacated.  They proceed to have the same conversation that they've had fifteen times about how Justin doesn't want to be exclusive and Audrina doesn't care and Justin doesn't care, but they both obviously care because they look ready to murder one another.  Frankie gives a heartfelt toast to the birthday boy about how he's the greatest friend ever and then a literal SWARM of girls erupt out into the courtyard.  I have no idea who these girls are, but they are apparently Brody's birthday gift.  Ew.

Later, as the birthday gifts gamely strip down to their birthday suits, Lauren and Audrina talk about Justin and Lauren once again tries to convince Audrina that she needs to just move the hell on with her life, and let Justin know in no uncertain terms that she is over him.  Audrina just sighs and plays with her hair.  The guys are back at the table, discussing their plan of attack with the birthday girls and Justin, who is slitty eyed drunk, talks about how Audrina has essentially forced him to hook up with one of the hot naked ladies.  There follows a squicky montage featuring lots of bare skin, tongues, making out, and smoldering glances.  It still doesn't hold a candle to that final scene between Chuck and Blair in this week's Gossip Girl, however.  I'm still fanning myself in an attempt to recover from that one.

Pane E Vino, L.A.:  Heidi and Spencer are waiting for Stephanie and Cameron, and decide to go ahead and order while waiting for the fashionably late pair.  They eventually show up and Spencer immediately glances pointedly at his watch, starting the night off on a very friendly note.  Spencer proposes a toast to "Stephanie and her first boyfriend", then proceeds to gloat about how he recently kicked Holly out of the apartment.  Cameron changes the topic, mentioning that Stephanie is such a great girl and makes him laugh a lot, to which of COURSE, Spencer responds that she makes him laugh a lot too.  Come on Spence, WAY too easy.  Heidi brings up Brody, and the four of them proceed to discuss his various misdeeds and cruelties for the next few minutes, and then Spencer brings up Doug and the dinner officially earns itself the title of Most Horrific Double Date Ever.

Cabo:  Justin approaches Audrina who is perched on the side of the pool and they flirt like fifth graders, all but pulling hair and threatening a cootie transferral.  The next morning, Justin and Audrina flirt some more over a decidedly liquid breakfast and argue about which of the two of them is the most "straight-up".

The 4th Street Stairs, L.A.:  Spencer is running the stairs when Stephanie shows up and waves him down.  She proceeds to rip him about his behavior the night before and Spencer tries to justify his behavior with his usual ridiculous bluster.  Stephanie pathetically asks him to just be nicer to her and Spencer responds by telling her that if she can be loyal to her family, he'll be nice to her.  Which, huh?  I love how Spencer always manages to find the moral high ground.

Cabo: Audrina and Lauren blab about Justin some more and Lauren tells her that she basically just needs to do what makes her happy.  Audrina claims that Corey is who makes her happy but Justin has to make things difficult.  Lauren suggests once again that Audrina just cut the ties with Justin which is met with more wistful gazing.

Sometimes You Want To Go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

*Tap, Tap*

Is this thing on?

Can you hear me out there?

Ahem, so, how's it going?  Good?  Good, glad to hear it.  Me?  Oh, I'm doing alright, you know...  Boston was fantastic, thanks for asking!  I definitely left my camera at home though, so no pictures, sadly enough.  Actually, that's not true, two things in Boston warranted dragging out the crappy iPhone camera (leaps and bounds better than the Razr, but still, no flash and no zoom makes for limited photo ops).

That right there is the headstone that supposedly inspired Nathaniel Hawthorne to write one of the great classics of American literature, The Scarlet Letter.  Doesn't just looking at it make you want to go have a torrid affair with your town reverend?

And of course, I can't pass up a funny sign, particularly when it's dog related--this one was taken on the Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Greenway.

It was really great to see my family--there were two uncles, one aunt, a mom, a dad, a great uncle, two cousins, as well as a cousin once removed (or possibly a second cousin--haven't really determined the difference), and the birthday girl, my 90 year old grandmother in attendance.  I certainly enjoyed her birthday party, celebrating with a lobster swimming in melted butter, New England clam chowder, a tasty salad, Jolly Rancher martini, and grape nut custard for dessert (as in the no grapes, no nuts cereal--surprisingly delicious in custard form!).  I swore I would never eat again, but promptly changed my mind when we had lunch in the North End of Boston at a little Italian restaurant, followed up by a Boston Cream Puff from the amazing Mike's Pastry (I love how out of date their website is...).  My uncle took us on a phenomenal tour of Boston's historical landmarks, my favorite stop being the Old North Church of "one if by land, two if by sea" fame.

I arrived home late Tuesday night and went back to work Wednesday morning, where I was informed that my hours are being drastically cut through the end of the year for budgetary reasons.  My multi-site director is working with me to find hours at other nearby elementary schools, and supposedly beginning on January 1st, I'll be back to my 25ish or so hours a week, but until then, grumble, grumble.  I pink puffy heart my job and my adorable kids, but if my hours don't go back up as of the 1st, I'll be seeking employment elsewhere.  Sigh.

This week marks the final week of my second Master's class, and I begin my next one on the following Monday with no break to catch my breath.  Maybe that'll be a good thing though, since I won't have time to lose my momentum and fall out of the school habit.  Last night I finally got around to remedying the horrifying roots situation going on with my hair and chopping off a couple of annoying inches, and today I went on a chocolate tour in Seattle with some of my good girlfriends.  Here is pictorial evidence of both of these events combined:

New hair displayed on left, world's most delicious drinking chocolate (aka "Adult Hot Chocolate") on right, at Fran's Chocolates

And all of us girls with our chocolate haul--and another version of a slightly less delicious, but still amazing drinking chocolate at The Chocolate Box.  I swear, some of the chocolate sampled on the tour WAS chewable!

So, anyway, it's been a good week, and the fun will continue tonight with a trip BACK into Seattle to see Spring Awakening and do a little window shopping.  Because, hey, those Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary wish lists are not going to make themselves!!

The Hills Just Ain't Happening This Week

I'm just going to be honest, blogging is not top priority this week.  I feel like I'm drowning at work--I've been there from 6:15 until 9:00 in the morning and then 2:45 until 6:30 at night the past two days.  Today I worked the same morning shift and I have to go back from 12:00 until 6:30 this afternoon.  Tomorrow the kids don't have school, so we're combining with another childcare site and my hours are 7:30 to 4:00 on Thursday and Friday.  I'm working so much more than usual because my site director has been out of town, so it's been just me and a herd of screaming, unruly children, and honestly, I am about this close to snapping their necks.  This morning alone I dealt with a bloody nose, twisted ankle, and bruised knee. 

Then, in my off time, I'm trying to get all of my homework for the week finished by tomorrow, because on Friday night I'm taking the red-eye to Boston, where I'll be hanging with a large portion of my fandamnily for my Memere's (that's "grandmother" for those of you who didn't take 5th grade French) 90th birthday.  And let's not even talk about all of the laundry that has yet to be done, the packing that I'll probably be frantically trying to finish 15 minutes before departure, and the fact that the dogs have to be dropped off at the kennel at some point which I have yet to determine.

All of this to say, I probably won't even have time to watch The Hills this week, let alone recap it, because my head is busy doing something like this:

This Weekend I...

... Went to a wine tasting at a friend's house.  We had a great evening, sampling six different California zinfandels ranging from $7 to $23.50, and to our surprise, the wine that we rated as number one turned out to be on the low end of the price scale: Gnarly Head.  Also rated fairly highly, taking the third place position was the good old supermarket standby, Barefoot.  I got pleasantly tipsy, probably drinking the equivalent of a full bottle of wine and had a great night talking babies, husbands, traveling, and education with some fabulous ladies.

...Hit the books all day on Sunday, finishing my reading, discussion questions, and writing a paper.  Fortunately, I didn't have a whole lot planned for Sunday, so I was able to get it all done with just a couple of breaks wedged in for Taco Bell and Starbucks runs.  I feel like I totally earned every calorie in that Crunchwrap Supreme and Salted Caramel hot chocolate!

...Watched one of my very favorite childhood movies, the 1985 version of Alice in Wonderland.  Last week, a friend and I got to talking about the upcoming Tim Burton version, and I mentioned how much I had loved an old live action version of the book where Alice wore an orange dress and there was a really terrifying Jabberwocky.  It turns out that she loved it as a kid as well, so I looked it up online, found the DVD on Amazon for $10 and received it on my doorstep a couple of days later.  When we finished our homework last night, we decided to put it on and took a three hour trip down memory lane.  I'll admit there was a high degree of cheesiness, but I also still totally loved the movie!  Alice is adorable, the gigantic cast of 80s stars is both impressive and hilarious (Ringo Starr!  Scott Baio!  JOHN STAMOS!!!).  But of course, the most important lesson I took away from this movie:  "Jam tomorrow, jam yesterday, but never EVER jam today!"

All in all, the weekend was much better than last week, and though I'm still feeling a bit down in the dumpsish, there haven't been any hysterical crying jags in the past few days, so that's certainly a step in the right direction.  How was your weekend?

I Am So Close to Going Over the Edge Right Now

It has not been a very good week.  In fact, it's kind of been a fucking bad week that, God-willing, reached it's pinnacle last night in a giant 30 minute crying jag, followed by about 15 more minutes of delicate, ladylike sobs as I tried to give half a crap about Project Runway.  (Digression:  I honestly couldn't care less about who wins at Bryant Park.  Has there ever been such a boring season as this?)  It's not one huge, gigantic catastrophe that has occurred, it's been a multitude of tiny, stinging pinpricks, one after another in painful, infuriating succession.

Monday was really pretty okay, between multiple glasses of strawberry vodka and lemonade with chocolate fondue and a fairly excellent episode of Gossip Girl.  But then Tuesday, I woke up feeling utterly exhausted and rundown, and that evening came with the revelation that Colby's leave request for the holidays was not approved, so it looks like I will be spending my second Christmas in a row away from my family and this will be his third.  Yesterday, I'm pretty sure I broke my damn toe playing Yahtzee! of all things.  I shit you not--I was sitting in my chair, waiting for my turn when I felt like I got a cramp in my toe.  I stood up and couldn't put any pressure on it without feeling nauseous from pain (granted, I do have a VERY LOW tolerance for pain...) and it's swollen and painfully bruised feeling today.  Then, last night I read something that really astounded me with its insensitivity and I decided to just throw in the towel and go to bed before I exploded all over the internet.  On top of all of that, I am still so exhausted, I'm uber-PMSing right now and I had to wake up at 5 a.m. this morning for work, and will have to do so through next Friday.  Oh, and my background check hasn't been cleared yet, so I can't do my classroom observation and I can't get any of my teacher friends to respond to my messages so that I can interview them about bloody Social Cognition Models before Saturday.  And of course it is cold, rainy and completely grey and dreary outside today, which is doing absolutely nothing to improve my mood.

It was when I was trying to hobble upstairs last night so that I could switch out a load of laundry that I started to feel my "brave face" collapsing.  The only way I could get up the stairs was by sitting down and scooting up backwards, and by the time I got to the third step up, I was already experiencing full on, body racking sobs. Just this past weekend, I began a post about how well I've been handling Colby's deployment, and how as much as I've missed him, it has been completely awesome jet-setting around the country and spending loads of quality time with some of my favorite girls.  It's only a few days later, and now I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through another month without him here.  I'm so goddamned tired of being alone, of having to deal with life by myself, of having to constantly run up and downstairs on a broken fucking foot and not having anyone here to just take care of me for a little while.  Of having to come up with things to say to him on the phone after we've talked about everything under the sun when all I really want is to have him sitting on the couch next to me while we watch television together.

And that is why, at 9:33 in the morning, I am sitting on the couch, watching Top Design, and drinking a giant glass of red wine.  It is either this or cry some more, and I just really don't feel like reapplying eye makeup right now.

Oh, Right... The Hills

Y'all, I am so tired this week.  I'm not particularly sure why, but I can tell you that I come home from work, stare blankly at the tv for a little while, stare blankly at the computer for a little while, and then try to remember to feed the dogs before I fall asleep.  What I'm saying here is that not only is this Hills recap a little late, but it's also probably total crap.  Like, more so than usual.  I kept trying to watch and then spacing out for 3-5 minutes before realizing that I was halfway through a commercial break and hadn't typed anything since the open.  So, you know.  Consider yourself warned.

Last week on The Hills.

Don't Act Innocent

Random L.A. Gym:  Lauren is whaling away on some trainer dude while Whitney sits on the ground doing some stretches and dutifully asking questions about what has been going on in Lauren's life.  This, of course, gives Lauren the opportunity to remind us that Doug and Stephanie went out together, information that scandalizes our dear Whitney and the nameless, mostly off-camera thus far trainer.  Oh, there we go, some reaction shots from the trainer who proceeds to fill us in on the "guy's point of view" that a girl doesn't go out with her friend's exes without a stamp of approval from the ex.  Thanks for driving that home for us once more, trainer dude!  He adds that Stephanie had better have a good explanation for herself, and Lauren takes another purposeful swipe at the trainer.  Foreshadowing?  I sure hope so.

FIDM:  The title rolls with Britney's "Womanizer" in the background, and I have to tell you, I am utterly obsessed with this song and now it will probably be firmly stuck in my head for the rest of the day.  Thanks Brit!  We get some really fabulous aerial shots of L.A. before we settle in on the FIDM campus where Lauren meets Stephanie out in some kind of quad-type area.  Stephanie is all bubbly and happy to see Lauren and she makes a pathetic attempt at conversation while Lauren sits stock-still, all prim and pursed, disapproving lips.  Stephanie eventually runs out of steam and goes back to the old standard of asking Lauren what's new.  And of course, Lauren casually mentions that she heard that Stephanie and Doug went out.  Stephanie at least has the grace to look a bit flustered, but then she totally throws Doug under the bus saying that he was just using her to get back at Lauren.  Um, duh-cakes.  She claims that she has erased Doug from her phone and has no plans to talk to him again, then immediately contradicts herself when she asks if Lauren is going to be at Doug's party the next day.  Lord, how dumb is this girl??  Lauren is understandably skeptical as she gazes off into middle distance and Stephanie smiles bravely at no one.

Heidi & Spencer's Apartment:  Holly and Heidi are in the kitchen, making cupcakes.  Cupcakes that Heidi will probably allow herself to waft gently beneath her nose before hopping on the treadmill for an hour at a 90 degree incline.  Then comes a knock on the door, and there's Heidi's mom waiting on the other side.  She greets Spencer with convincing cordialness and he proclaims his excitement at seeing her again with tangible sarcasm.  Seriously, you can feel it.  It's all slimy and cold.  This surprise visit gives Heidi the opportunity to finally tell her mom that Spencer had moved back in, as Spencer sits by feeding on the uncomfortableness in the room.  Darlene admits that she was disappointed to find out about Spencer through Holly and Heidi tries to defend herself saying that she didn't want to tell her over the phone.  Meanwhile, Spencer is still sitting there, grinning like the Cheshire cat, and for some reason, Darlene tells him that she wants to go to lunch with him.

Bella Restaurant:  Doug and... surprise, surprise... Stephanie are out to dinner together, and Doug is definitely vying with Spencer for douche bag of the episode.  They put their little brains together--combined they probably have at least a quarter of the brain cells of a normal human--and try to come up with a story to tell Lauren about why they're spending time together.  Obviously something cleverer than, "Look Lauren, you broke up with Doug.  He asked me out and I like him. I hope you can be okay with that."  Because that would just be sooooo much more awkward than their bumbling lies.  Then Doug invites Stephanie over to his house for a "DVD night".  Yeeeaaaah...

People's Revolution:  Lauren and Whitney are doing something vaguely work related and discussing the Doug-Stephanie situation and Lauren invites Whitney to Doug's barbecue party.  Whitney accepts and Lauren gleefully informs her that she will hate Doug upon sight.  And of course, Whitney will, because she's accommodating like that.

Doug's House:  Doug and Brody are standing outside, being all manly and dudely, discussing how Stephanie is totally all over Doug and he's soooo not into it, but she keeps "hitting him up" and who is he to turn that down?  Ugh, and you, Doug, are the reason that women hate men.  Also, I would just like to point out that Doug has a profile like a monkey.

Bloom Cafe:  Spencer and Darlen are walking side-by-side up to the cafe and settle upon an outside table.  Darlene opens the conversation by thanking Spencer for letting Holly stay with them, and he is quick to point out that Heidi is the only reason that Holly is still in the apartment.  They argue a bit about Holly's intentions--Spencer says that Holly is just there to get him out of the apartment so that she can live with Heidi and Darlene flat out asks if that's such a bad idea.  Go, Heidi's mom!!  The jist of the conversation goes that Darlene feels that Spencer is pressuring Heidi into the relationship and is a very controlling, manipulative person and Spencer pretty much agrees in his smarmy, Pratt way.

Doug's House:  Yum, Jungle Juice!!  The whole crew is out by the pool and Doug cannon balls into the water right by the girls, which gives Whitney her first impression of him.  This is just one of the many reasons that I feel pretty strongly that Whitney and I could be friends--she is about as amused by the cannon ball incident as I would have been.  Which is to say, not in the slightest.  Brody approaches Stephanie about her and Doug dating, and she proceeds to lie some more about how she was totally not trying to date him. Lauren begs Whitney to take her home, semi-jokingly, but really kind of seriously.

Tart:  Heidi and Darlene are out for lunch and Darlene asks again why Heidi didn't tell her that Spencer had moved back in.  She makes an interesting, and terrifying point when she says that Heidi has just gone from asking her parents what to do, to relying on Spencer to tell her what to do.  The bottom line is that as much as Heidi looks like a 39-year-old washed up porn star, in reality, she's a 22 year old kid who is in way over her head with a manipulative Svengali.  Darlene admits that she might be being too controlling as she breaks down into tears and a meaningful piano soundtrack starts up in the background, but no, no Darlene!  Do not say that!  You are just trying to save your daughter from the clutches of an evil, evil man!  If this were a 1920s silent film, he would have a handlebar mustache and be tying Heidi to the train tracks as she obligingly helps him with the knots and hands him the train timetable.

Doug's House:  Stephanie wanders inside where she is surrounded by Doug's visage leering down from her from all available shelf and wall space as Brody sits outside and talks shit about her to Doug and Lauren.  The shots keep cycling back and forth between Stephanie inside crying and Doug outside trying to defend himself to Lauren and Brody about how he was just going out as friends with Stephanie and he wants nothing to do with her.  Okay, look, I am not clearing Stephanie of all guilt in this situation, but Doug is just as low if not lower than her and it really pisses me off that everyone is getting all up in arms over Stephanie and virtually joking with Doug about the situation.  I don't know, maybe I'm just a sucker for a girl crying.  Lauren walks inside and finds Stephanie wandering around inside, wringing her hands and sniffling gently.  Lauren takes a tissue and wipes Stephanie's face as she admits that the situation got blown out of proportion, but it still sucks.  Stephanie tries to defend herself some more, but Lauren firmly cuts her off leaving Stephanie alone, apologizing tearfully as the end credits roll.