The Hills: Drama Follows Them (Tomorrow Is Another Day...)

Catch up on the exciting and dramatic events of last week right here.

Wow, last night was chock full of bitchy one liners and some pretty serious family drama, so let's not waste any time getting straight to the juicy stuff!

FIDM: Stephanie is relating to Lauren the details of her upcoming birthday party which Lauren immediately uses to segue into her own boyfriend storyline, asking if she can bring him along. I often wonder how the teacher feels about filming taking place in her class. I mean, obviously Lauren and Stephanie (oh my God, I totally just typed Heidi!) have to talk to each other in class in order to get any good footage, and I would think that would royally piss me off if I'm trying to teach people how to design a spring line, or whatever, and these two blonde dingbats are just chattering on about all of their very important drama while the cameras roll. Anyway, Stephanie assures Lauren that Heidi and Spencer will not be in attendance at her birthday party, saying that drama always follows when they're around. Then Lauren utters what may just be the best line of the night, "Well, I don't know if it follows, as much as they chase it." Truer words have never been spoken!!

Creperie: Following the credits, we join Lauren on a date with her new hottie boy toy, Doug, at the absolutely delicious sounding Creperie. Oh, the things I would do right now for a banana and Nutella crepe... Doug compliments Lauren on her "white", I'm assuming he is referring to her dress, and is immensely uncomfortable on camera. Lauren, brightly chirps that she really wishes she could find their prom pictures, to which Doug, obviously unfamiliar with the way that conversations happening off camera must be repeated when the cameras are once again rolling, sounds a little befuddled as he explains that he has the photos at his house, just like her told her the other day. Oh Doug, you have so much to learn about the ways of reality television stardom. He brings up Audrina which allows Lauren to exposit a bit about the drama between Lo and Audrina, and then when he's had enough of her yapping, he suggests that she ditch work and go have fun with him. Lauren giggles and demurs, but invites him to Stephanie's birthday party. He accepts, and when Lauren says that she hopes Spencer won't be there, Doug provides ominous foreshadowing by stating that blood is thicker than water. Does anyone else ever just get really grossed out by that phrase?

Epic Records: Chiara and Audrina are running down their list of things to do, and then Chiara plays the role of Audrina's Whitney, asking what she's up to that night. This allows Audrina to fill us in on the fact that she too is planning to go to Stephanie's birthday party, and is a bit nervous because her arch enemy, Lo, will also be there with Lauren. Dum dum DUM!!!

People's Revolution: Whitney and Lauren are talking, and Whitney tells Lauren that she's been invited to a big dinner that night with Kelley Cutrone and a bunch of the other People's Revolution NYC head honchos. She confesses to some nerves, citing the fact that she is still a newbie and there are going to be a lot of important people there. Lauren brushes her off, assuring her that there's nothing to be worried about, and then moves them along to the really important topic of conversation, Stephanie's birthday party. Whitney makes some appropriately big eyes and worried faces as Lauren mentions that Heidi and Spencer may be there, but is then summoned away by someone, presumably to do some newbie work like making coffee or giving foot rubs.

Don Antonio's: Heidi is simpering across the table at her beloved, nearly swooning over the fact that he knows how to order for her. Ugh. The would have that kind of relationship. Spencer ignores a call from Stephanie, and then goes all psycho crazy face about how he is totally not going to talk to his sister while she's friends with Lauren. Heidi sort of agrees, but then counters that Stephanie is family and they should go and be supportive. This easily translates to: "Like hell you're keeping me away from a potential explosion with Lauren while the cameras are rolling! These boobs didn't pay for themselves, sucka!" Spencer is emphatically shaking his head, but is eventually pretty easily convinced, qualifying it with the statement that he will never speak with Stephanie again if she continues her friendship with Lauren.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo's House: Lo and Lauren are sharing a mirror in the bathroom as they get ready for Stephanie's party. Lo asks how old Stephanie is turning, and Lauren responds with, "Twenty two, she's our age." Oh my God, I always forget how YOUNG these girls are! Lo gets about as mushy as she is capable, saying that she's glad that Doug will be going, and Lauren's all, "Who would have thought, four years later!" Yeah, it's such a weird coincidence when boys from your past want to come back into your life when you've reached the peak of your fame! Or at least, I imagine that would be the case--boys from my past mostly just want to send me pictures of their new babies. They get on the topic of Heidi, Spencer, and Stephanie and Lauren goes into some philosophical discussions about trust and how she believes that everyone should be given a chance, and it's really nice, but also kind of stupid. Then again, she's twenty two, she still has many years left for her bitterness and cynicism to become fully developed. Audrina comes in to see how they're doing, Lauren makes sure that Audrina is still planning to go to the party, and Lo just stands in the background, making stink faces and ensuring that her eyeshadow is properly applied.

Simon Restaurant, People's Revolution Dinner: Kelley proposes a toast to People's Revolution and everyone raises their glasses for some clinkies before bipolar Kelley changes her mind and starts stabbing them all with her wine glass. Kelley begins running down all of the important things going on in New York, with an aside to Whitney that she'd like to bring her out there some time. Jessica, the poor put upon LA publicist who is unfortunate enough to not have her own reality television show, tries to pipe up with--well, I don't even know what she's talking about, but Kelley goes Bitchzilla on this girl. I honestly don't understand exactly what all of these people are doing, so I don't understand the conflict, but Kelley raises her hands in the air, starts bobbing her head from side to side, looks Jessica dead in the eyes and then mocks the crap out of her with this sort of high pitched, "Pretty, pretty, happy, happy? Pitch stories, you have to have common sense." I mean, can anyone explain what the hell just happened?

Lauren and Lo Driving to Stephanie's Birthday Party: Lo is looking all kinds of scary with an aggressively sparkly silver dress, blood red lipstick, and this insanely humongous side swept bang thing going on. Lo is one of those people who just looks infinitely better in her natural state than all glammed up. Lauren, on the other hand is looking as fresh faced as ever in a gorgeous blue, white, and yellow color block dress as they proclaim how excited they are to be on their way to the party. Apparently, Doug has already gotten in good with Brody Jenner as he will be coming to the party from dinner with Brody and their friend Frankie--seriously, this guy is so fishy Catholics could eat him for dinner on Fridays. Lauren muses about whether Audrina will show up or not and then wonders why can't they all just get along. Lo defensively claims that they are all getting along, specifying that the ones that matter are all getting along. Zing, zing, zing went the trolley!

Boulevard 3 Nightclub: Lauren and Lo join Stephanie who is already sitting with a few of her friends. I absolutely adore Stephanie's birthday girl dress, it has a lovely powder blue, floaty and gossamer-like skirt with an empire waist and white bust and she looks stunning in it. I, however, would look like I'd forgotten to change out of my nightgown if I left the house in that. Audrina shows up wearing the tiniest, shiny gold thing I have ever seen, and is followed by Doug, Frankie, and Brody. They're all sitting around having drinks, when Lo leans across the table to ask how Audrina is doing. The only way that I can explain the following conversation is that Lo must have been very, very drunk already. Plus, she has some truly creepy lighting effect going on, much like when someone holds a flashlight under their chin to tell a ghost story. The whole thing is a bit surreal. Audrina looks confused, answering that she's doing fine, and then Lo gives her this grimace of a smile and says, "I'm glad we talked!" very perkily before turning back to Lauren. Audrina just sits there, staring blankly, jaw hanging. Stephanie looks like she's having a blast and then... Spencer shows up, carrying a huge balloon bouquet with Heidi in tow. Stephanie looks immensely happy to have all of her loved ones there, and then Brody bursts the bubble, declaring that he's peacing out before the drama starts and leaving with Frankie. Everyone is sitting around, careful not to actually make eye contact with anyone else, when Spencer mutters loudly enough that people in China probably heard him, "Can't we get these obnoxious chicks away?" Lo is whispering urgently in Lauren's ear, convincing her to leave and finally Lauren caves. In a span of five minutes Stephanie goes from adorably elated to crushed, as her birthday celebration implodes.

Stephanie's Apartment: It's the next morning, and Spencer shows up at Stephanie's door to discuss the previous night. He tells her that he showed up at her party only because she was his sister, but he's still not okay with her "jumping ship" and becoming friends with Lauren. Stephanie tells him that she just wants to be friends with everybody and not get in the middle of the drama. Then Spencer shows a shocking awareness of world events and compares himself and Lauren to Iran and Israel, in a not so shocking display of self-importance. Stephanie, in a nice turn of phrase, tells Spencer that he's being more rash and she's being more rational. The argument continues in this vein, with Spencer telling Stephanie at one point that if he could have "unmade" her his sister years ago, he would have. Good Lord, he is just a really mean dude, I don't know what makes him think Stephanie should feel any sense of loyalty toward him when this is how he treats her. Spencer eventually lays it out that if Stephanie continues to have anything to do with Lauren and her friends, she is out of his life. Oh Spencer, promises, promises!

People's Revolution: Kelley summons Whitney to her lair and informs her of the fact that she recently fired unfortunate-publicist-Jessica because the People's Revolution "voice" was not being maintained in L.A. Then she drops the bomb that they are offering Whitney Jessica's job and will expect her to begin living a bi coastal lifestyle. Whitney looks shell-shocked, probably remembering how horribly Jessica was treated, but still accepts the job without hesitation.

FIDM: Stephanie blows into class and immeidately goes into a litany of apologies about the birthday party, assuring Lauren that she and Spencer are totally finished. To Lauren's credit, it looks like she may be wising up to all of this drama as she evenly meets Stephanie's gaze and tells her that none of her friends trust her and the birthday party debacle just reinforced everything that they've been telling her all along. At the rate things are going, it looks as though Stephanie may be well on her way to not having any more friends at all. Well, I hear Paris Hilton is taking applications, so I suppose she always has that as a back up.

Comments

Lo's comment in the car about how 'the important people are getting along' was really a highlight. In that it just highlights what a low person she is. Seriously? I'm not a 'team audrina!' or 'team lo' person but I'm finding it hard to find good Lo qualities.

She does have nice shoes. I guess I can give the girl that.

Posted by: brandy | August 27, 2008 at 01:01 AM

I love these. They make me laugh and are so well written and plotted. I don't have anything to add outside of Jessica from People's being a douche (like spencer) and totally deserving to be fired. Kelly is a bitch too. Meow. Signing a deal with the devil there.

Posted by: jessica | August 27, 2008 at 04:54 AM