I'm in! I'm in! Mwahaha! Not to seem all deranged or anything; it's just that I was a little paranoid that I wouldn't be able to log in on my assigned day. I had no reason to worry but that's how I roll.
Anyway, now that I'm here, I want to use this forum to address something that's been bothering me. To be perfectly honest, I haven't given this issue much thought since ... oh, maybe last September, but it's getting to be that time of year again and I think this is an appropriate forum to discuss this.
I'm sure Angela's regular readers are all way too savvy and chic to be regular offenders, but you never know who might wander to this part of teh Intarweb, who might benefit from the advice I'm about to give. Or maybe you know someone who could use a clue, and you've been wondering how to go about broaching the subject. So here goes:
OMG, WTF?! PLEASE FIX YOUR G0DD#*N! FEET IF YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME LOOK AT THEM THANK YOU.
For reals. It's hot, and I get that you want to let your feet have some air. From the looks of things, they haven't seen the light of day in YEARS, so it's really commendable that you're giving them yard privileges and all. But could you ... oh, I don't know ... WASH them first? Maybe clip those hawk claws you call toenails? Put on some lotion? (News flash: even the palest white people can look like they've been kicking flour. So now you can't say you "didn't know.")
And ladies, I understand that you found the cutest sandals and you can't wait to show them off, but do you know what is NOT cute? Grody crone talons. Groove lines on your heels that make the Grand Canyon look like a pothole. The fact that your toenails have somehow turned an unpleasant shade of brown and rather than address this problem, you've decided to share it with the world. And you know how flaking polish on your fingernails looks tacky? It's a hundred times worse when it's on your feet.
There. I said it. And I'm glad. If you're offended by this little rant ... well, that just means you probably have gross feet and you know you've been subjecting the world at large to the sight of them. And yes, we could just not look at your nasty feet, but it's like a 12-car pileup or clown sex, really. Like, we're aware that it's an awful fact of life and that it happens, but we never thought it would happen right in front of us, and certainly not right here on the bus. So we look. We must look, so we can commit every awful detail to memory to share with our friends later. Because that's what friends are for.
Also? Friends don't let friends wear socks with open-toed shoes.
Amen to the sock and opened toe shoes...or panty holes for that matter.
Posted by: Abbie | April 15, 2008 at 05:06 PM
I never understood how someone could walk out of the house like that! Why aren't they embarrassed???
Oh and I also hate when people wear sandals that are too small for their feet.
Posted by: Girl, Dislocated | April 15, 2008 at 06:03 PM
Abbie - Do people not know that they make special pantyhose to wear with sandals?
Girl, Dislocated - Ew, and their toes hang over the front? That's so nasty.
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 15, 2008 at 06:31 PM
hahaha
that last sentence needs to be put on a bumper sticker!
Posted by: Michelle & the City | April 15, 2008 at 07:28 PM
I COMPLETELY AGREE! We should get t-shirts printed or something.
Posted by: shani | April 15, 2008 at 07:37 PM
I'm really liking the guest posters Angela picked out! :-)
I think you have addressed a good point about people and their feet. Nothing grosses me more than their nails curling! Yuckkk! Or how about women not shaving their legs, and walking around in their sun dresses? Come on!
Posted by: Jass | April 15, 2008 at 08:09 PM
Snicker.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | April 15, 2008 at 08:18 PM
Michelle & the City - A bumper sticker or a BOOT, so I can kick people with it.
shani - I'll bet you somebody's already beaten me to it.
Jass - Worse than leg hair in a sundress? Armpit hair in a sundress. If you don't want to shave your pits that's fine, just please don't make me look at those forests you have under there. With clumps of deodorant on top. Pretty!
TasterSpoon - :-)
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 15, 2008 at 09:43 PM
If I'm totally bumming it [ie. jeans and a hoodie], I will wear socks with my adidas slip-on sandals, like these: http://www.pickyourshoes.com/message_sandals.jpg, but only if it's cold out.
And it's okay that most people think that's a fashion faux pas, because I never claimed to be particularly fashionable and I'm from NJ, so I can do whatever I want.
:)
Posted by: Caro | April 16, 2008 at 12:06 AM
Erm, I meant these:
http://www.pickyourshoes.com/message_sandals.jpg
Posted by: Caro | April 16, 2008 at 12:07 AM
Oooooooooo, I know you made Angela proud with this one!!! A subject so close to her heart!
Posted by: The Incubator | April 16, 2008 at 01:41 AM
Caro - I am the absolute QUEEN of bumming it ... but I still can't get on board with that look. But you are from Jersey, so I'm not trying to mess with you... :-)
The Incubator - Thanks! I hope she likes it.
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 16, 2008 at 03:09 AM
ICK. I notice this ALL THE TIME. People are so nasty with their feet. It's called a pumice.
Posted by: slynnro | April 16, 2008 at 06:15 AM
I KNOW. Or scissors. Or a hacksaw or something ... when it gets to that point.
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 16, 2008 at 03:17 PM
Okay Fraulein, name the product that will cure the Grand Canyon fault that has erupted on my heel over the winter.
Posted by: Candy | April 16, 2008 at 03:17 PM
Oh this was hilarious!!! I hate when women don't wear toenail polish--I call them man toes.
Posted by: Curlysue | April 17, 2008 at 12:38 AM
Candy - I use Eucerin original moisturizing creme. It comes in a jar instead of a bottle because it's serious stuff. It's thick, but it works.
Curlysue - I can't wear sandals if my toenails aren't painted. I feel absolutely naked, seriously.
Posted by: Fraulein N | April 17, 2008 at 03:29 PM