In which I totally bore Angela's readers to death

I'd like to think Angela saved the best for last, but let's face it, she was probably thinking something like, "By now people are DYING for me to get back and no one will even CARE about a guest blogger so that's a GREAT day to stash Maggie." And good thing too, because I had a Traumatizing Experience last evening and I'm not sure I can really do Angela's website justice

(Among the many other reasons I am not able to do Angela's website justice: not blond, not skinny, owns exactly one pair of high heel shoes, I KNOW, why does she even SPEAK TO ME?)

So anyway. I am an IT Widow. Are there any of you out there? Raise your hands! Throw dirty looks at The IT Man! The IT Man required my husband's presence until very late last night, so I was in charge of our almost-one-year-old from wake up till bedtime. Can I just say that is a long time?

But! I managed quite successfully! He ate his breakfast, he took his bath, he napped like a good boy. We went out to lunch with a our friend to celebrate her Due Date Day (Unsolicited Advice: Always have something fun planned for your due date so you are not stuck at home poking your stomach and pleading with the baby to come out already). Then the boy napped a loooong time (I think to make up for all the nap whining I've done lately), we had dinner, we played Make The Coaster Fall Off Of Your Head and Chase The Baby Away From The Bookshelves, and then it was time for bed. Yay! Even bedtime, usually my husband's job, was a piece of cake. I decided to reward myself with my remote control and my couch.

And you know how when you are all alone with your beloved TiVo your stomach starts to rumble? Just a tiny bit? For me it usually sounds something like, "FEED ME ICE CREAM". I have a very hard time ignoring the call of a rumbly stomach (see: not skinny), but I don't even TRY when I'm pregnant! Oh yeah! There's another baby on the way. Pregnancy = Ice Cream Free Pass!

Off I go to fetch the vat of ice cream in my freezer when I have a moment of Conscience. "Self," it says, "I believe you already HAD some ice cream today." (Shamefully, this is true. But! Pregnant!) "Self," it continues, "I believe there is a bag of grapes in your refrigerator. Why don't you snack on THOSE?"

Sighing loudly so my conscience would know I was Not Pleased, I pulled the grapes out of the fridge and started rinsing them off in the sink. It was a huge clump of grapes and I like to cut the vine into smaller chunks, so I reached for the scissors and (CAN YOU SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING?) in my sadness over giving up ice cream and my bleariness from watching the baby all day and my general unfortunate clumsiness, I sliced off about 47 layers of skin from my left pointer fingertip with a pair of SCISSORS.

OWWWWIE. Blood! Everywhere! How could a little cut bleed so much? But no, it was not a CUT, it was a MISSING FINGERTIP. I soaked through my makeshift paper towel bandage in 30 seconds. Realizing paper towels weren't cutting it (HA! CUTTING IT!) I had to wrap my finger in one of the baby's wash cloths and oh you guys, it hurt. It was a good thing the baby was already in bed because his new thing now is laughing at me when I do something stupid. He would have found this HILARIOUS.

Of course, then my husband had to call me right that second and I took the opportunity to blame The IT Man for my injury. And my husband was very worried until he ascertained that no, I did not need stitches and yes, I was being my melodramatic self.

So NOW what am I going to do? My finger looks like this:

Bad Things About A Bum Finger
Can't give the baby a bath
Can't wash hair
Hurts to type
Seriously slows down blog posting
Can't wash dishes

Good Things About A Bum Finger
Can't wash dishes
HELP! WHAT ELSE?

Comments

[ashley]

OH NO!! Ugh, that sounds awful.

Not only are you pregnant. And taking care of a small child. But then you go and have a finger injury.

Yuck.

Hope today goes better!

[Kate P]

Please tell me you didn't see America's Next Top Model this week. When life imitates ANTM that might be a sign of the apocalypse.

Uh, other good things? You have an excuse for "giving people the finger" and they'll never know if it's accidental or on purpose? And your IT man should be able to hook you up with something that helps you type less painfully. IMO.

I hope your finger is doing better today!

[Jass]

Oouch! I'm cringing, at the thought of that. But like you I too am malodramatic at times when it involves clumsy injuries. Latest one was tripping on not so nice pavement in Europe, right after a taxi man was pulling my luggage out of his trunk, and as I was paying the man for the fare I fell face down luckily I only had scratches on the knees and a dirty coat. I then proceeded to shed a few tears before getting up and collecting my two $20's from the pavement. The man felt so bad, he almost didn't take my money. =P

Hope your finger feels better soon.

[RisibleGirl]

My sis did that while cutting coupons. She had to go to the ER to get stitches. The doctors made fun of her and gave her a pair of scissors with surgical tape wrapped around the tips of the scissors and told her to use those from now on.

She's going to have to cut a lot of coupons to make up for the ER visit bill, me thinks.

[Another Angela]

I did almost the same thing, except with a knife, and I was cutting cheese while holding the block of cheese in my hand. Smart, no?

Anywhooo, the bad news is that it bleeds a lot and feels really weird not having a fingertip. The good news is that it GROWS BACK and you can milk it for all its worth in the meantime!

[TasterSpoon]

Funny story, though. Can you put that under "good things"?

And it's a good excuse to eat ice cream. You know, to keep it cold.

How about washing your face? I need two hands for that.

[Caro]

Ahh, I don't even know what to say other than "OUCH!" and "I hope it gets better soon" :( Poor Maggie's finger.

Nice illustrations though ;-)

[kelli]

oh, honey! **ouch.**

it is a testament to your marvelous writing skillz that you can turn the Traumatic Experience into an entertaining blog post! and those are, indeed, great illustrations. hope the finger mends soon! enjoy the dishwashing hiatus. (c:

[kelli]

(i debated about the "oh, honey" - i hope that's not presumptuous! my inner mother-hen comes out when i read tales of such trauma, and "oh, honey" is just my default expression of sympathy... but perhaps it loses something via keyboard. ach.)

[Curlysue]

Oh I did this once but it was while in graphic design class and I was cutting some cardboard. My finger was a little too close to the edge of the ruler and before I knew it there was a chunk of me missing from the tip of my pointer finger too. Ugh. Of course people just sat there looking at me as I had tears forming in my eyes. Jerks--get me a band-aide quick! :(