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March 25, 2008



Darling, if you HAVE a baby, you won't BE the baby anymore!

(Name that quote.)


I too have struggled with depression and have been on meds for the past two years. I can get out of bed in the morning but it is still hard to have the motivation to get out there and live life. My advice: be kind to yourself, slow down, treat yourself to something small (a manicure, dvd, book, tea or coffee in a cafe) if you can, journal about the good and the bad, and continue to keep and eye on your moods. It is always a battle but we can fight it. I admire your openness. Many people in my life don't know about my struggles, so thank you for sharing.

Madame Queen

I'm 35 and still have those moments occasionally. Am I doing all I can to be the best me that I can be? Is this my dream job? I think ultimately you just have to learn to live in the now, and like you said, embrace the life you're living at that moment. If you don't you'll always be waiting for your life to start.

And this is just my two cents, but wait a little while to have a baby. Enjoy this time you have with Colby, because once a baby comes your lives will be a whole new kind of wonderful, but you'll never be able to recapture those days when it was just the two of you.


It's kind of scary to stumble across someone going through the same type of crisis, continuing to search for Life's True Meaning. However, I'm searching at 50, and you're searching at 25.

What can we learn from this search for purpose?

I guess that the only advice I might have since I'm old enough to be your mother, is that no matter how old you get, you still don't know what you want to be when you grow up. So don't sweat the small stuff. Just have some fun and enjoy the here and now.

And eat more chocolate.


This is why I loathe setting goals. Because once you reach them, then what?

My husband just finished up a job search (thank god), and as soon as he got the new job, more worries came. Being a grown up just sucks, doesn't it?


You know - that's been my issue as of late. Where, what, how and when? Why? For what? Just.. constant questions about everything with no answer in sight..

Kinda tired of the questions. I want some answers.

..and a new job.


This post just summed me up. I really do spend too much time thinking about what I should be doing, rather than just doing it. I am a schmuck!


I'm with Madame Queen. I didn't stop wondering until I decided to quit my life and travel. It answered all my unanswered questions and made me realize the others weren't important. But I was 33 when I did that, so it certainly takes awhile. And I'm sure it comes back at various points in your life, depending on where life takes you.

Wait on the baby. Enjoy Colby and being a couple with Colby. As happy as I am, I wish that M and I had more time in this area as a couple - enjoying this city and making friends - because I think we'd like it alot better if we had.

You'll find your way. As my therapist used to say, it's just the peaks and valleys. You know the swing will go up soon!



Just sending a (((hug))) They always help for me regardless of the situation.


I too feel that there are days that you just can't get a handle on life. It is so hard to feel like the world is passing you by and that you may not accomplish all that you want and dream to. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. It makes me feel not so strange to know that other people are going through dark times too.


This post was so honest and wonderful, really. And I mean in NO WAY to sound condescending, but I'm quite a few years older than you? And I still deal with these same issues from time to time. And as long as you can keep your grasp on things, I don't see it as a problem. I see life as a journey, and things will happen as they will. Try and enjoy the ride! and think about your honeymoon! And I'm sending a kajillion hugs!


sending hugs and happy thoughts your way. because i don't think there is one right answer to this, it just has to happen. :)


I like Anne's therapist. I agree with the peaks and valleys. Some days I'm in the groove, and some days I just bumble around. If I'm supposed to know when I'm grown up, I certainly don't know it yet. Hang in there!


You know, from your comments on my blog, that for some people (like me), that questioning does go on and least into your mid to late 30s. But, you get more confidence and get comfortable in other areas of your life at the same time, which makes it a little more tolerable and less torturous. I read your blog, and I feel such a connection because I think I was very much like you about some things in my twenties. (Only, you dress WAY better than I ever have. HA!)

Hang in there, girlfriend!


I know that I'm a little younger than you, but I think we all find ourselves asking those questions as we reach and accomplish goals. I don't know if it gets any better, but I trust that we will one day realize, 'THIS is what I'm supposed to be doing' and be content in it.



I go through these ups and downs all the time...and I've not only visited Crazy, I lived there for a while. While I don't think there is any one right thing to say that will make you feel better or set you on the right path, you have quite a few readers who will be here to let you vent and talk through it!


Hey babe, Sarah here! Gosh, I can't tell you how many times I've wondered these EXACT same things...

I think all these ladies are right. After one goal is reached, you will ALWAYS be constantly reaching for the next. That's what keeps us alive and wondering and fulfilled. I mean, I think back to grade school even. I couldn't WAIT to get to 7th grade! But then after I finished 7th grade, it was like, okay...what now? Maybe we'll never have 1 BIG purpose, but just lots of little purposes that add up...

I still haven't found a career I'm passionate about either. But I'm passionate about my friends, family, experiences, this point, I've learned to laugh more, go on more adventures, take more vacation, visit more friends, enjoy the ride and not waste a single day. Everything else has a way of always falling into place; life is too short to worry. :)

Girl, Dislocated

Minus some of the details, I feel like this post could have been written by me. I too hate looking back and really struggle to forget things, and when a random memory pushes to the surface it just knocks the wind out of me. I often grapple with the same mid-life crisis type questions, and I wonder if my inability/refusal to look back is hindering me. Have I really learned all that I can from the past if I'm not examining it? Am I setting myself up for a repeat of the same sort of things again? I really think it's both brave and wise of you to be looking back.

In my opinion, what makes all of the existential questioning not such a good thing isn't the lack of answers (at the moment), but the possibility of it taking over your mind and not leaving room for the enjoyment of the good things in the present--which is self-defeating, considering how much harder it is to make decisions and find solutions when you're depressed. My future is totally up in the air and my personal life is sort of a mess right now, but what's helped me lately is hanging on for dear life to my cheerful moments instead of reminding myself of everything that I should be worrying about. Maybe it's a form of avoidance, but I've found that I need that little bit of avoidance to keep me sane enough to actually do something about the state of disarray that my life is in.

And the wondering about whether the depression's coming back? I do it too. Sylvia Plath said it best: "How did I know that someday - at college, in Europe, somewhere, anywhere - the bell jar, with its stifling distortions, wouldn't descend again?"


HAHA dude, breathe! I can feel your stress, just remember to take things one day at a time and remember that whatever is meant to be will happen :)

Michelle & the City

in my opinion our 20s is the best time we have to figure all of this out. so stop worrying and relax (i know, i know, easier said than done)! i think it's normal to feel like you're transitioning and not completely settled or "on track" though. trust me, you're not alone.


I loved reading this post (and all of the comments) because it truly proves to me that I'm normal, you're normal, we're ALL normal in these thoughts. Your honesty is really refreshing.


Geez, now my Overboard quote seems really flip.

It's really quite wonderful, that you write so evocatively such heartfelt things on your blog, and that all these people identify with what you're experiencing. *I* feel the exact same way, and whether or not all these comments are helping YOU, they're helping ME feel like I'm not alone in wondering what to do with my life, and what the next steps are supposed to be.

I remember when my mom turned 50, we were sitting on her bed, and she confessed that all her life she was waiting for the moment when she'd feel "grown up" and know the answers. She said she felt like exactly the same person she was at 17. Maybe these mysteries are a condition of life.

Though you may feel like you're in this untethered place, the fact is that you've already made a lot of wonderful decisions that are bringing joy into your life and can anchor your future. You've married Colby, you have a beautiful place to come home to, you've clarified a little what kind of work does and doesn't fulfill you - that's a LOT to accomplish; it's WAY more than I had accomplished at your age.

I think one of our problems is that the future is SO undefined, it places a huge burden on us to shape it into something AMAZING. Previous generations didn't have the choices we do - my mom was told to study to be a teacher or a nurse "so she could support herself if her husband died." HER mother didn't even have that option. Most of human history has been a struggle for survival; this pressure to fulfill ourselves is new. It's an incredible blessing, but at the same time it's hard to be grateful for what feels like pressure not to screw it up.

Life's good. It really is. Sorry for the novel.


I think your life is in a bit of flux right now, and I have a spidey sense that you are happiest when things are lined up properly and you can see what's going to happen for the foreseeable future.

Right now, you can't do that because you've given notice at your job (which was a GOOD thing).

I think if you look back again at your posts back then, your life was also in flux.

You know what this means? This means that you're NOT a drama queen and that's a good thing. I used to THRIVE on change and not knowing where my life was leading next. With that comes a lot of drama.

Now, I'm someone that likes to have my life planned out as far as possible (with the exception of my hair- I like to switch that up).

I think once you're back from Italy (girlie squeal!)you'll be able to resume normalcy- just where sweet Angela likes to be.

I'd bet my (hmmmm, what am I willing to bet?) last bit of dark chocolate on it.


Fraulein N

Oh, wow. I don't think you ever stop looking, really, at least I hope not. I mean, I look forward to a point in time when I'm hopefully completely content with my life ... but I think if you don't have any goals then you can't grow as a person. It's good that you're testing the winds of Crazy, so to speak. Better than having them knock you down because you didn't see them coming, yeah?


Oddly enough I just realized I may be depressed. If freaks me out and I've never been in this situation before. Most of the time I'm fine, but then there are sometimes where I just can't get out of the funk. Reading this was helpful. I'm going to read your other stuff tomorrow.


I can totally relate to these feelings and my guess is that 80% of it come from job searching. I'm sorry, but looking for a job is SOUL SUCKING. It makes you feel dumb and bored and hopeless.

A kid is probably not the answer, or at least that's what I tell myself. Just try to inject lots of happiness into your days: little treats, exercise, smootching the hubby, giving thanks for all that you have now.


Operation Pink Herring

As I was reading this, "Mad World" (knowin in our house as "the saddest song in the world") was playing on my streaming radio station, and all I could think was "ME TOO".

I can't say I'm in a quarter life crisis (which is good, since I barely survived the first one with my sanity intact), but I am stuck in a sort of long-term existential crisis, mostly for the exact same reasons as you. Every year I look back in my old journals and see when I said "If only my back would stop hurting, my life would be perfect", "If only I had a boyfriend, my life would be perfect", "If only I had a new job, my life would be perfect". Now I have all of those things, and I still feel like I'm floating around directionless, letting whatever my life's calling is supposed to be pass me by.



Hi there

It's my last day at my soul-sucking corporate job and I've been thinking about a lot of these same issues. Especially since I recently discovered that my boyfriend bought a ring! (shh, its a secret)

It can be so hard to decide what to do with your life and then just DO It. But I think you have to jut make up your mind and stick with it for a while.

You've got Colby, check, you've been published, CHECK, and being a mom is great but you are still young! I struggle with this already (particularly because i spend so much time with my baby niece who i adore!) but i think it will make it even harder to feel like you've got your career goals in line if you have a baby.

I'm not saying I have more of a handle on this shit - i'm in therapy and on anti-depressants and about to be unemployed - but i do know that since i decided to just DO IT. to apply to grad school programs, to learn to become a teacher, and just give it a shot - i have been much more content.

i get scared sometimes, i worry that i won't be a good teacher, or that it won't make me happy, and that i'll want to quit.

But just knowing that I've committed to giving it my best effort. that i've committed to this goal, to this plan i made as a child. just having the commitment is enough for now.

I think if you want to be a writer then you just have to commit to it. just commit. if you have to have deadlines to be productive, then take a class somewhere (i promise once you're paying for it, you do the work!)
Find a writer's workshop or something, you'll be okay.
Pursue the writing, love on Colby, and commit.

You'll be fine!

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