Coworkers. Never before have so many people at work commented on projects that they'll need my help with "soon" or "in the future". Never in my time here have people made me feel like a such a necessary cog to this operation. Never have I felt so incredibly guilty about something that hasn't even happened yet. I'm struggling mightily with the decision to wait another week and a half before giving my notice, because I feel like such a horrible person each time I nod and smile as someone commits me to a project down the road. But Colby and I still have to sit down and examine our finances more closely, and he doesn't get home for another week. I know I need to wait, but every day I feel a little bit worse.
Fellow bloggers. I'm supposed to be guest posting for Bre today while she's in London, but I can't figure out her instructions for logging into her blog. It seems like such a simple task, no? Yes, that's what I thought too, so I didn't test it out before she left. Now I'm sitting with a drafted entry and lacking the brain cells that are necessary to understanding how to post it. I know I'm not really all that important, and her blog will probably survive without me, but I hate to promise something and then not follow through.
Friends. I owe phone calls to pretty much every single friend in my address book, but each evening, I sit down on the train and opt to fall asleep rather than dialing the phone. Seriously, what the heck is wrong with me that I HATE talking on the phone so much? Why can't we all just correspond by email, text messages, and smoke signals? I miss my friends, and love them, and would so much rather just hang out than come up with riveting phone conversation for 30 minutes. Why do they have to live so far away?
Jack and Ellie. You want to go for a walk? You want to play after dinner? You want to lay on the floor and get your bellies rubbed? Well, how about you just sit here next to the couch so that I can half-heartedly scratch your head while zoning out to the Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious. Well, okay, I guess I'll feed you your dinner. To everyone out there who seems to think I'm ready for kids? Jack and Ellie would like to voice their vehement disagreement.
My Eye. I seem to have gotten some tiny grain of something stuck between my eye and my eyelid, and no amount of blinking, flushing with cool water, or forced tears will do anything about evacuating it from the premises. It huuuuuuuurts!
OK, that last one could be bad enough to ruin a whole day for me. Ugh! Hang in there! I went through what you are with work for almost a month as I waited for the magazine to get to the printer and for my check so that I could resign. It was agonizing! All I can say is, the day will come and you will feel a huge weight lifted when it does. So, hang tight!
Posted by: Steph. | March 11, 2008 at 08:10 PM
I literally busted up when I read, "My Eye."
I also hate talking on the phone. For me, I think, it's the wasted 5 minutes of preliminary chitchat before you get to the good stuff, plus the 15 minutes of wanting to hang up but not wanting to be rude so you keep asking questions, which they annoyingly keep answering.
Posted by: TasterSpoon | March 11, 2008 at 08:33 PM
Aw hunnie, you're not failing anyone. It's just one of those weeks and you'll get through it. Promise. Ice cream helps :)
Posted by: Molly | March 11, 2008 at 09:24 PM
Ouch eye thing can be pain in the butt! I hope it goes away soon. Have you tried the vasine, that stuff works on kinks like that, much easier than making your own tears. =P
Jack and Ellie are probably the happiest dogs in the world, belly rubs? Spoiled rotten is more like it. ;-) Misty comes to greet me every night, and jumps into my lap to pet her until my arms fall off.
Ahh those pets, gotta love them!
Posted by: Jass | March 11, 2008 at 10:22 PM
I'd like to say 'Don't be so hard on yourself', but I was being ridiculously hard on myself the past two weeks and wouldn't stop. How could I ever sit here and tell you to do something that I myself couldn't do??
So, major hugs to you, sweetie! I hope things start looking up for you soon and you can shake the feeling of /failing/ everyone, because you're not :)
Posted by: Caro | March 11, 2008 at 10:36 PM
We are so on the same wavelength. Work, exhaustion, babies, ellipticals, scrabulous. I hear ya sister!
Posted by: janet | March 11, 2008 at 11:27 PM
I would love to share some words of wisdom to make you stop feeling like you're failing people, but I don't have any. If I figure out what the secret is to not feeling like I've failed everyone, you'll be the first person I tell.
As for your eye, have you tried pulling your top lid down, over your lower lid, and onto your under-eye area? That helps me a lot when I have something stuck in my eye.
I hope the week of waiting goes by quicker!
Posted by: Girl, Dislocated | March 12, 2008 at 01:54 AM
Aw Angela. I don't really have any gems of wisdom or anything. But I just want to share some *hugs*, it'll be okay.
Posted by: katelin | March 12, 2008 at 02:10 AM
You don't owe me a phone call. Oh yeah, that's because you don't have it. I'll email it so you can add me to the list...oops, that's not exactly what you needed was it?
Hang in there, I kinda feel the same way about this week.
Posted by: sophie | March 12, 2008 at 03:12 AM
You know how I feel about the phone, so we don't need to talk about that, but hearing about your eye made me think about my nose, and how it has been yucky and bleeding for a month! UGH!
Posted by: La | March 12, 2008 at 02:12 PM
Have you tried lifting your upper eyelid and pulling it over your lower eyelid? The bottom lashes act as a comb and it usually works for me! I hope you are able to overcome everything that you're feeling down about. It's probably just the end of winter blahs :)
Posted by: Miriam | March 12, 2008 at 02:30 PM
I wish there was something I could do to make it all better. I seriously don't think you are failing anyone. You just have very high expectations for yourself. Don't worry it will all be ok. Worry about it tomorrow! :)
I can be a phone-a-holic but when I don't wanna talk, I don't wanna talk! I agree, texting is the way to go.
Posted by: simplypink | March 12, 2008 at 02:45 PM
Man, I know how you feel! But don't feel guilty about work. You have to do what's best for you, and they'll manage to go on when you move on to bigger and closer things.
As for the phone, pets, and eye problems... ditto on all three! What's up with my eye, I don't know... but it hurts! And it won't stop hurting! I think I may claim pinkeye and call in sick :)
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | March 12, 2008 at 05:30 PM
I'm the same way with friends and phone calls. I used to love catching up with friends on the phone, now I see it as more of a burden. I would just rather e-mail or IM. I know that's lazy but sometimes I just need my time at home to be "me time."
With the work stress, if you don't have another job lined up, maybe you can offer to stay there until they find a replacement, like after four weeks instead of the two? That might help relieve some of the guilt you feel about abandoning them. I know you have your trip coming up, so it may not work out that way anyway...
Posted by: Becky | March 16, 2008 at 05:53 PM
If there were a contest of failure and guilt feelings- I'd be the proud prize winner.
Trust me.
Next week? I'm sure life will be sunshine, unicorns and fluffy kittens though.
Or maybe not.
Posted by: RisibleGirl | March 18, 2008 at 02:10 AM