Valentine's Day Optimism

I held the giant hairbrush in my hand and belted out the words to "Strawberry Wine", Melissa stood behind me, a hair straightener held to her lips, my backup vocals.  The other girls sat on the beds, giggling and singing along to the chorus.  When the song was over, we collapsed to the floor, laughing hysterically, reaching for the bright red Bartles & James Strawberry Daiquiris.  It was Valentine's Day during my freshman year in college, and we were all together, single and loving it.  The fluorescent lighting flickered overhead, and the radio was blaring the mixed cd we'd labored over earlier in the day.

We talked about going out, but every time we decided to go, a new, better song would come on and we were forced against our wills to dance around the dorm room, screeching the lyrics and opening more wine coolers.

"Who do you want to be your Valentine?" Melissa asked pointedly, a sly grin crossing her face.

I shrugged my shoulders and blushed mightily.

"I bet you want Colby to be your Valentine!" she crowed, and my embarrassed giggling said it all.

Two years later, I was sitting across the table from Colby at a bustling Italian restaurant.  It was our second date and I was still in awe of the fact that he had asked me to be his Valentine.  I'm pretty sure I ate fettuccine alfredo, but I honestly don't remember a thing about that night aside from where we ate and how bummed I was that my carefully curled hair was stick straight by dessert.

The next year, my senior year in college, we returned to the same Italian restaurant.  We had celebrated our one year anniversary the weekend before, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't keeping my fingers crossed for a romantic proposal.  (What can I say, I'm from the deep south, when I got married last year at 24, I was practically an old maid.)

That was our last Valentine's Day together.  Over the next few years, the distance, a brief but heartbreaking split up, and a deployment all conspired to keep us apart.  This year I was thrilled that we were finally living under the same roof, that we would be celebrating our first Valentine's Day as a married couple.  That we would be celebrating five years of unforgettable Valentine's Days.  Today, Colby is on the other side of the country, where he's been since last Friday, awaiting a possible, but unlikely deployment.

If I'm being totally honest, I'll admit that I'm disappointed.  We were hoping that tomorrow we would be flying to New York City to visit friends, see Rent before it closes, spend our weekend wandering the streets of Manhattan.  So, of course, I wish that things could be different.  But then I would be wishing for another life.  When I started dating Colby all of those years ago, when I waved him off as he drove away from home and started pilot training, when I stood in the audience and clapped as he got his wings and then his assignment to a far corner of the country, when I promised to love him for all of the days of my life, this is the life I willingly accepted.

I will never be happy to see him leave for two weeks or four months or a year.  I will always cry a little bit that first night, and rage against the Air Force when they use so little common sense in their logistics.  But I will always be fiercely proud of him and what he does for his country every single day.  I will always support him from near as well as afar and I recognize that I will probably spend more hours talking to him on the phone than sharing dinner table conversation.

Our holidays will often be spent apart, or rearranged to fit our schedules.  And this probably won't be the last Valentine's Day that I spend home alone watching Love, Actually.  But even still, I would choose this life of uncertainty and belated holidays with him in it before I would ever choose a life without him.  I will never consider myself anything but the luckiest girl alive to have found this gem of a man who is my Valentine every day of the year.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Comments

[Miriam]

oh my goodness so heartfelt, so sweet. I'm sorry you won't be able to spend this day with your lovey.

[janet]

I think the wives (spouses) of military personnel are the real heroes of this country! I don't know how I would deal with the absences...not well!

[La]

You are cute as a button, and I just want to scoop you up and give you Valentine Hugs! Have a great day anyway!!

:)

[Steph.]

What a beautiful way to say you love your man. Thanks for sharing!

[simplypink]

Such an appropriate Valentine's Day post! I'm glad you have your true love. Thanks for the sacrifice you've both made for the rest of us. Enjoy your evening with Hugh and Colin. ;)

[Anne]

I have to agree with Janet, the unsung heroes!

Hang in there, you'll have many more V-Days together, and really, when it comes right down to it, every day should be a romantic holiday where you remember your special someone not just today. You can buy cards and chocolates and roses any day and it's way more special!

Got that Colby? (If you're reading.... lol)

((((((((((ang)))))))))

I love "Love Actually"! Enjoy!

[sophie]

I'll be eating macaroni and cheese and watching Survivor, as Sweetheart is at a conference. However, I will at least get to talk to him tonight and see him tomorrow. Hang in there during these Colby-less days!

[L the D]

I feel like cursing you right now. I just teared up reading this, because it's so heartfelt and so . . . patriotic. And by the way, who has the big ideas to schedule business meetings, trips, deployments, etc., over Valentine's Day?! Probably some bitter old hags . . .

I love Love, Actually, though, and I might have to pop it in tonight. I was trying to decide between that and Mean Girls> . . . I might just catch up on the 200 emails in my inbox.

[M]

Hey girl, hate to say it, but it really is the little things, isn't it? Hugs! Better Valentine's Day than a lot of other days...

[Anonymous G]

Oh, Ang...It dawns on me just how "growed-up" you've become since the days when we first met. I knew that you were someone very special!

I'm so proud of you and happy for you.

Happy Valentines Day!

xoxoxoxox

[Michelle & the City]

you have the rest of your life to celebrate your love with colby, right? who needs valentine's day? ;)

you already know your story gives me hope. and i hope one day i'm as happy as you.

[Fraulein N]

Awww. I bet you guys cherish your time together even more, and that's better than any scheduled holiday. Maybe you could plan a special Valentine-y night out (or in) when he gets back?

[Operation Pink Herring]

Did he really ask you to be his Valentine, all formal-like? Is that a Southern thing, or am I just missing out??