There were a lot of things I was expecting when I moved here. I knew that there would be long stretches of rainy, cloudy days during the fall and winter. I knew there was a big problem with the amount of homeless people in Seattle. I knew that the traffic on I-5 would be terrible without fail. I was expecting plenty of tall buildings and views of the Space Needle, and I knew I'd see plenty of people at one with their fleece and Birkenstocks.
What I was definitely not expecting were all of the 45 degree angle hills one has to walk or drive up to get from one street to the next. In the past if you'd told me to name one hilly city, I probably would have said San Francisco, but truthfully downtown Seattle would give that place a run for its money.
Ever since I started working downtown, I have had this horrible fear of walking the hills. I don't worry about walking up the hills--that's just a good workout--but when faced with walking down one of the steep inclines, I've always managed to find an alternate route, because I just know that I'm the person who will do a face plant.
As the wedding has drawn nearer, I've become absolutely obsessed with the thought that I would fall down walking to or from work and break a leg or twist an ankle and be unable to walk down the aisle. There has really been nothing about the wedding that has stressed me out lately aside from this bizarre fixation.
One of the things I do at work is go our and buy lunch if we have clients coming in for meetings during the lunch hour, and a few days ago I had to go out in search of a Thai restaurant for some Chicken Banh Mi sandwiches. When I discovered that the restaurant was on 3rd Ave, my heart seized up a little when face with the realization that I would have to walk up the hills, and even more terrifying, back down them. However, to my immense delight, I managed to make it both up and down the hill, with bags of food in hand, without incident. Suddenly I was no longer afraid of the hills--I had conquered them and they could no longer hold me back from the delicious restaurants atop their dangerous inclines! Ah... the hubris...
So, on Friday I decided that I would visit my favorite sub shop for lunch--Jimmy Johns--their vegetarian sub is to DIE for. So I marched on up to 2nd Ave, and then onto 3rd, huffing and puffing a bit, but enjoying the sunshine that was giving us such a beautiful day. I bought my sandwich, and started making my way back down to my office. And that's when it happened--the heel of my shoes (which were flats, mind you!) suddenly slid out from under me, and just like in the cartoons when the bad guy slips on a banana peel, arms flailing and all, I was on the ground--the tops of both of my feet were scraped and my knees were throbbing.
I sat on the ground for a minute, completely in shock, and unable to figure out how I was going to get back up without pitching myself forward again. Then a voice came from behind me--a gentlemanly voice inquiring as to whether or not I was okay. I still hadn't found my voice, so I nodded and tried to look as much as possible like I totally meant to be sitting in the middle of the sidewalk with a bloody foot and a sandwich in hand. When I still didn't get up, the guy reached down, took hold of my arm and said, "Okay, let's get up now."
Back on my feet I was faced with a bout of awkward conversation as I was walking in the same direction of my rescuer. I made some lame jokes about what a clutz I am and how he'd done his good deed for the year when suddenly he piped up, "Yeah, I totally thought you were a drunk at first!"
Oh.
So, with that I thanked him again and hastily made use of the nearest crosswalk, pretending I was at my street. I was about halfway between 2nd and 1st, the soreness in my knees increasing with each thud of my foot hitting the ground when oh my God, I shit you not, it happened again. The same damn heel slid out from under me, and once again ass over vegetarian sandwich, I was on the ground again. This time there was no gallant figure waiting in the wings to lift me back to my feet, so with a moderate amount of grumbling, and trying my hardest not to cry from sheer frustration and embarrassment, I struggled back to my feet and shuffled the final few steps down the hill and to my building.
Today the brush burns on my feet look a lot better, but still feel raw to the touch, and my left knee has swollen ever so slightly and has a lovely greenish blue color to it, but I'm just relieved that at long last the inevitable happened, I took a tumble down the hills of Seattle and I still seem to be able to walk unassisted. With that being said, I can guarantee you that I will not be walking anymore hills between now and November 24, and no Jimmy John's vegetarian sub will tempt me again.
Oh my goodness! I'm glad you're okay (relatively)! Is it time to throw out those shoes? Or at least hide them in the back of the closet until after the wedding?
Thanks for the warning, now I know not to move to Seattle!
Posted by: Girl, Dislocated | November 03, 2007 at 11:48 PM
Ok, I'm not laughing at you. Really, I'm not! I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself too much!
Flashback for you...I was 17, my first 'real' job with a law firm. *First* day on the job. Delivering something in the middle of Sydney, slipped, fell on my face, mini skirt ripped right up the back. Had to go back to the office battered and half naked. I had to borrow a trench coat from one of the partners so I could ride the train home without getting arrested for public nudity. Fun times!
Posted by: E | November 04, 2007 at 01:22 AM
I'm not laughing at you either, but I have to admit I was laughing. Glad to hear you escaped your fall[s] with minor injuries and just a slightly bruised ego!
But hey, I don't know if I'm at one with my Birkenstocks, but I do love them very, very much! *sticks out tongue* Thbbbt!
Posted by: Caro | November 04, 2007 at 03:25 AM
Ohmygosh hahaha ok not funny but omg i can't believe you fell down the hill twice! That would soo be me so don't worry, if i ever end up in seattle i'll be joining you. Only i'd like like ROLL down the hill.
PS. LOVE jimmy johns! I wish they had it in ny but they do not :-(
Posted by: ashley | November 04, 2007 at 04:09 AM
I feel your pain. I fell OUT of a store once when I was wearing slick soled brand new 80s penny loafers. Look at it this way though....maybe it decreases the chance that you will do it again. You know twice in one day, maybe you reached you quota. :)
Posted by: shopper | November 04, 2007 at 04:33 AM
You POOR thing!!!! That sounds so awful.Falling is the worst. One time, I feel in a grocery store, I tripped over a plastic crate they left in the middle of the frozen food aisle. And ther ewere a TON of people around, including the idiot who left the plastic crate. UGH.
I hope you feel better soon!!
Posted by: rachel | November 04, 2007 at 01:59 PM
That brings back so many fond memories of the great klutz that is me. Hehehe. I'm sorry, love. I'm glad you're relatively unharmed. Hope you feel much better soon.
Posted by: Lisa | November 04, 2007 at 10:13 PM
Aw. I'm glad you're okay. Part of me thinks that fate's already done with you but maybe you're right to stay away from hills before the wedding. Just in case.
Posted by: Fraulein N | November 05, 2007 at 12:54 AM
Oh how EMBARRASSING! I've done my share of butt plants in public and the embarrassment hurts far worse than the actual fall.
When I lived in the same city as my sister, we took the same bus, but were two stops apart. My sis, being the kind soul that she is, was laughing hysterically at me as I boarded the bus because I'd slipped on icy grass and landed on my butt. The whole bus was watching. I seriously wanted to wave the driver on- because I didn't want to walk down the aisle of shame.
Posted by: RisibleGirl | November 05, 2007 at 09:45 PM
I don't mean to keep laughing but I have to because this happens to me all the time, so I know what pain you've had to endure. It's why I'm truly afraid to wear any type of heel that is more than an inch and not chunky. And when it's wet, there are only certain ones I'll wear that have more traction. People don't realize how hilly Seattle is, but you're right in that I think it's much worse than San Francisco.
Posted by: Becky | November 05, 2007 at 10:53 PM
I have done the same thing!! I work on First Ave and Marion but always have to walk up to 3rd or 4th ave to run errands. I have fallen more than once, as you can tell by looking at my right knee--it is completely scarred from a fall last year that left my knee gushing!! So I have sympathy for you--I know where you are coming from!
Posted by: Ashley | November 06, 2007 at 10:37 PM
LOL! I'm so sorry to be laughing, but that's absolutely friggin' hilarious. Not so much about the falling, but about the not wanting to fall between now and the wedding--I feel the EXACT. SAME. WAY. Good luck staying vertical for the next few weeks!!
Posted by: L | November 09, 2007 at 04:03 AM
Just 6 weeks ago I fell off the bow of our boat, just at the end of the vacation there in Lake Powell. I didn't realize that as you step off the bow and onto the pier that you actually push the boat away with the one foot still on the boat. That is what I did, temporarily doing a terrible version of splits and then I went straight down, scraping my whole left side, hip, ribs and elbow on the cement pier. And NO I didn't have my life jacket on at the time, we were going home. Of course there were LOTS of witnesses, and thankfully one paramedic who quickly checked me out, and some other kind person who got neosporin and a band aid for my elbow. I have been in pain for 6 weeks, trying to get over the giant bruise on my hip and the poor ribs. Elbow is healed, but the bone is still sore. Not a funny bone.
Sorry for your pain, I would throw those shoes away.
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Posted by: Annie | November 13, 2007 at 07:02 PM