Living In Sin

Just a little over 7 months ago, Colby swept me into his arms, unlocked the door to our brand new house and then cracked my head on the doorframe as he carried me over the threshhold.  It was exciting, it was hilarious, it was emotional, it was a little bit painful.  It was the perfect metaphor for living under one roof with the one you love.  I'm not going to say that after 7 months of living together we're old pros, that we've hit every roadblock we ever will and that everything is perfect.  But you know, I think we're pretty darn good at it.

Initially, I was incredibly nervous about living together before marriage.  What would our parents say?  Would we murder each other before the end of the first month, subsequently denying me the experience of walking down the aisle in my beautiful dress?  Would he get tired of seeing me in my pajamas with zit cream smeared on my chin every single night and, wondering what happened to the well dressed girl that showed up at his house every few weeks for a visit, demand the ring back?  There were so many worries-- honestly sometimes I still wonder about the zit cream--but 7 months into this our parents haven't disowned us, we're both still alive, and my skin is looking better than it has in months.

But there have definitely been adjustments that we've both had to make in our daily lives, adjustments that aren't always easy and almost always come only after a lengthy battle of wills.

Battle #1: The Thermostat
There's a certain trait I inherited from my mother, and it's the complete inability to be comfortable at any temperature outside of a 2 degree span.  If the house is above 72 in the summer or below 70 in the winter, I can tell.  Colby, on the other hand is much more like my father in his belief that in the summer one should just wear less clothes and in the winter one should wear more.  So, while he is comfortable with the house at 65 degrees as he walks around in jeans a shirt and a sweatshirt with a blanket wrapped around his body, I'll slyly slip over to the thermostat, punch a few buttons and crank the heat up to 70.  When I look away for a minute he'll then sneak back over and just hit "OFF".  Of course, I can tell within seconds of the temperature slipping back down to 69 and the cycle repeats.  It's incredibly frustrating for me since I'm all "WE'RE NOT POOR YOU KNOW!" and I'm sure it's frustrating for him since he's all "THAT'S BECAUSE I'VE NEVER SPENT THIS MUCH ON HEATING BILLS BEFORE!"

Battle #2: The Bed Sheets
I think this has been discussed here before, but Colby has this annoying habit of untucking the bedsheets every night after I have carefully tucked them into the bottom of the mattress.  I love the feeling of slipping into a tightly made bed night after night, and most importantly, the pleasure of not having the make the bed every morning because the sheets haven't moved.  However, Colby's sleeping patterns are a bit more like that of the Tazmanian Devil.  He untucks the sheets, he ends up with blankets wound around him, he pushes and pulls the comforter all night so that by morning it's practically on the floor.  When I sleep in the bed alone I can wake up in the morning and with a flick of the sheets have the bed perfectly made.  When he sleeps in the bed if you wake up in the morning with the sheets still covering your feet, you count it as a good night.

Battle #3: The Kitchen
You know what's awesome?  That I can get home at 6:30 every evening and I don't have to worry about what I'm going to make for dinner, because Colby almost always has it under control.  You know what's not awesome?  The state of the kitchen after he has "cleaned up".  Sometimes leftover food actually makes it into the refrigerator, but it is rarely covered, and it is NEVER transferred into a smaller container that might actually keep it fresh.  Dirty dishes are piled into the sink, and maybe sometimes end up in the dishwasher, but I usually have to come behind, take all the dishes out to be rinsed and then put them back in.  I have no problem with just accepting the fact that I'm the one who's going to have to be the clean up crew, I'd just rather start the clean up on my own than have to go behind and re-do everything to meet my exacting standards.  I know this is not Colby's fault.  This is my problem for being the one that needs the dishes to be clean before they go in the dishwasher, and not liking the leftover soup in the refrigerator to still be in the pot we cooked it in.  But couldn't he at least try?  That's all I'm asking!

But even with all of these adjustments, there hasn't been a day yet when I haven't been excited to walk through the door and see Colby sitting on the couch.  And every night when he gets down on the floor with the dogs for "Floor Time!" my heart grows an extra size.  It hasn't always been easy, but I'm so glad that we've been able to make all of these adjustments now so that in a month we can start making the adjustment of Being Married.

There are statistics that say you should live together before marriage, and there are statistics that say you shouldn't.  Both make valid points, but I don't think that anyone should try to live their life by statistics.  For us, this is what works.  Getting married is an important step for both of us, one that will forever change our relationship in the eyes of the law, but for me, I don't think that a label imposed by society could make our bond any stronger.  It's not always pink puffy hearts and sunshine, and there are some days when we just need our alone time, but knowing that he'll be there to come back to, heater battles and sheet struggles and all, makes life so much better.

Being married will change the way I fill out forms and pay my taxes.  Living together has changed my life.

Comments

[Jenn]

I've learned in six years of marriage that most men just don't see dirt the way women do. They don't care that their underwear is on the floor next to the basket instead of in it. They don't care that they can't use the sink because it's full of dirty dishes. My husband will just move the dishes out of the sink and onto the counter rather than put them in the dishwasher. Wipe the counters? Obviously, I'm crazy. Most of them just don't see the details. I don't know if it's a "mark the territory" thing or what.

Also, I'm a teeny bit jealous of my mom. My dad retired in June and now he does all the cooking, cleaning and laundry and has never been happier. I'm all, "Hey Dad, wanna come over?"

[Becky]

I'm pretty fortunate b/c Ted is the primary dish person in our place, but he figures it's a fair trade since I do most of the deep cleaning (floors, bathroom, etc.). He was kind of bad at dirtying every dish possible as he was cooking but I've kind of "taught" him to clean and put in the dishwasher as he goes, rather than piling them all up at the end.

We live in sin as well, and I prefer it this way so I kind of have a better idea of whether we can be compatible 24/7. So far, so good:)

[Michelle]

I really liked this post! My husband and I went through/are going through a lot of the same stuff. And I totally agree with Jenn, we see "dirt" in the most opposite way possible.

I hope that your marriage changes things but not really. Know what I mean?

By the way - it's been almost two months for us and I STILL feel weird about living together--all those months of being afraid to tell people I was living in sin, and now it's okay! Whole adjustment to my frame of mind! Also, when you go on your honeymoon, it will be perfectly acceptable in everyone's eyes to check into the same hotel room! (I was always thinking - God, they must think I'm such a tramp...)

[Girl, Dislocated]

This was so funny! You guys sound so cute together, and you give me hope! :)

[Fraulein N]

This was a very sweet, very real post. I also live with a guy who turns into some kind of whirling dervish in his sleep. Seriously, making the bed should NOT be that much work. And he also does a half-assed cleaning of the kitchen.

Still, I think I'll keep him.

[L]

Aww, Ang, that made me tear up a little! Some days, I really look forward to moving n with D (house hunting next week!), but then I think of the times that I put on my face mask, eat ice cream, and watch chick flicks (I know, it's cliche) and I think that he'll wonder where his wife is and where this crazy woman came from. Le sigh, we'll see . . . but seriously, great post. Looking forward to NaBloPoMo!

[princess extraordinaire]

Loved this post as it's so ture - everything is about cmpromise....I am glad you two are living hapily in sin - lol

[La]

We have the exact same problem with the bed sheets. I love getting into bed right after the sheets have come out of the dryer, and they're crisp and tightly tucked in, and then the other half gets in and it looks like the Tazmanian Devil swept through the bed.

[M]

Oh, that is too funny... Dave's idea of doing the dishes is getting the plates. If there are pots and pans still on the stove from cooking, he just leaves them! He also has an annoying habit of only bringing in the laundry he wants right away, as opposed to the entire load. Haha, and he also puts his laundry on the floor in a pile next to the hamper, presumably to track what's at his house and what's here. (Pretty much all his clothes that fit are here.)

[Jass]

Hehe Ang, I completaly understand where you are coming from as I am pretty much in the same boat. It's interesting to point that I need to rinse and clean dishes before they are put in the dishwasher too. We learned that early on, that it's quicker if I just do it myself. Although he will pick up the vacuum and go to town with it. So I can't complain. :-)

I have to agree, that moving in together has made us more mature, and our relationship could not be better because of it.

Ohhh I can't wait to see the wedding pictures lady! I am so excited for you and Colby, and what a better day to get married. =)

[RisibleGirl]

Oh I *HATE* it when BJ cooks, because then I feel obliged to clean (well, I always clean, but that's beside the point.)

He makes SUCH a mess and uses more pans and utensils than he could possibly need. He also uses the same spoon to stir and taste, and then stir again!

Ewwwww!

OK- that's about all I can complain about, so I guess I'm lucky.

Oh- at least you admitted to your parents that you were 'living in sin'. I never did for fear of the 'talk'.