Postcards From the Sofa

Well, I suppose one way to get yourself a four-day weekend is to eat a leftover slice of pizza from Domino's on the night of your third day at home and spend the rest of the night violently ill in the loo.  I don't recommend it, actually.  I also don't think I'll be ordering from Domino's again anytime soon.

Anyway, it was a good weekend in which shopping, eating, and sleeping took place, and absolutely nothing with any productivity value was accomplished.  Which leaves me with Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday to pack for a two week trip with a weather variation of approximately 50-90 degrees, clean my apartment, do laundry, and take care of various other girly necessities.  I don't foresee leaving the borders of my couch or the bathroom (Two separate places--I don't actually have a couch in the bathroom, what do you think this is?  Bloomingdales?) anytime soon, so I'm down to Wednesday and Thursday.  Nothing quite like waiting until the last possible minute is there?  No worries, I'll just be up packing until 2 in the morning on Thursday.  As per usual.

So, in lieu of creativity, today I will bestow upon you some not very well thought out, scattered opinions on The Bell Jar (quick summary in that there link) which I am shamelessly stealing from an email I wrote only minutes ago and barely brushing over with my editorial wand.  A few of my friends and I have recently started up a long distance book club in which discussions take place over email and there is a sad lack of hors d'ouevres, however, I am hoping that it will help me branch out from my recent addiction to reading nothing but Sophie Kinsella, Marian Keyes, and Maeve Binchy.  All lovely books that I worship and adore in their own right, and even aspire to, but not what I like to call "brain food", if you know what I mean.  Every now and then a girl needs to read something that makes her think--and so I present to you the innerworkings of my brain in reference to Sylvia Plath's only novel, The Bell Jar:

Let me begin by saying--if you are a woman, and you have not yet read this book, hie thee to a Barnes and Noble tout suite and remedy the situation.  I have never read another book that felt more as though the author was sitting inside my brain and plucking out thoughts, experiences, and fears and translating them to the written word. 

There were two themes specifically that really stood out to me and hit home--two things that made me wish I had read this when I was quite a bit younger.  Esther's struggle with balancing her desire for a writing career and her desire for a relationship and how those seemingly "mismatched" wants spiraled her into a depression.

I think in this day and age there is just as much pressure on a woman to want a career over a relationship/family as there was in Esther's generation to want a family over a career.  I felt as though I could really identify with her struggles and her feelings of suffocation--just from the opposite end of the spectrum.  We live in a day and age when the first thing question out of everyone's mouth upon introduction is "what do you do".  Our identities seem to be so wrapped up in our jobs, just as Esther felt that her identity was supposed to be tied to being a wife and mother someday.  I think that there must be some way for people to find a middle ground--to understand that by giving women the right to choose that you're giving them the right to choose differently. I found it so interesting to see the internal struggle in the character that I felt was mirrored in the negative in my own self.  And to see how failing in having those desires that society presses on you can turn you against yourself--make you question your own dreams and spiral you downward into a feeling of hopelessness.

There were actually times when I had to put the book down and leave it for some time, because certain ways that Esther was thinking, or feelings that she was describing would hit so close to home.  The question was asked:  Do people in that state realize that they're thinking ways that they shouldn't, that their mental state is somehow "off".  I can only speak to depression, and I imagine that all mental diseases are different, but I feel like there's definitely a realization that something is very, very wrong with you, but you don't know how to make it better.  Or, beyond that, you don't see how it possibly could ever be better, so why even bother.  I think for Esther, and by extension I imagine Sylvia Plath, both knew that there was something terribly wrong--it's not possible to have those dark thoughts and not realize that you're wading into dangerous waters.  Esther was able to find the help that she needed to buoy herself back up, but it's like she said in the novel, the bell jar that she felt had suffocated her for so long had lifted, but there's always the fear that it will drop back down again.  I think today we're lucky enough to have much healthier ways to deal with this disease, and a much better understanding of it, but at the same time once you've been there, then there's always the shadow of the bell jar hanging over your head and you're never really quite sure when it will close over you again.  And the fear of not knowing if next time you'll be able to escape it again.

Comments

[wordnerd]

This is a wonderfully honest post. I'll never forget that book -- I cannot remember when I read it but I remember how it touched me -- her confusion over the simplest things, her fear that yes, the jar was hanging just over her head. I've never seen a better glimpse into that world.

Here's hoping that your bell jar stays well out of sight.

[Becky]

I have to admit that I wondered if Sylvia Plath would be too depressing for me, but your recommendation sounds pretty solid. I go to a book club here, and we wind up getting together for three hours and discussing the book for 15 min. I wonder if e-mail would be more productive:)

Hope you feel better soon!

[Heather B.]

I suppose I shall get myself to a Barnes and Noble post haste.

[Sarah]

WOW, Angela that books seems like it was written for me!! I will DEFINITELY check it out...thanks for the recommendation! Have a great time on your vacation!

[J]

I know what my next book will be. Thanks! :-)

Have an awesome time on your vacation! Woohoooo

[M]

You know, her husband was also an author who struggled with the fact that she was far more acclaimed than he. They had a tumultuous and rather dysfunctional relationship which some say fed her depression, and she eventually stuck her head in a gas oven while her child was at home in the next room. Or something along those lines.

Her poetry is equally dark and beautiful.

[Maggie]

I loved that book in high school. I should go read it again. You should read her REAL biography. And then read her poetry. And weep at the craziness of it all, like anyt intelligent creative girl worth her salt.

[Jonathan]

I've been wondering what book to take on holiday with me - I think we have a copy of it on the book shelf somewhere...

[Airhead]

I'm going to have to try that, once I get through Call Me Elizabeth and Absurdistan. And by the way, how does one join said book club? Because I wanted to do that as well . . . even mail books back and forth . . . I have a bunch that would fit the bill . . .