If I'm Not Careful You're Totally Going to Want to Steal My Life

Because it is JUST THAT AWESOME!!

I'm not sure if that's sarcasm or not... lately it's been kind of either really awesome or totally craptastic.  Not a whole awful lot of middle ground.  But yesterday I did get everything done that I was supposed to, except for the washing of the bathroom.  I have an excuse though.  The time allocated to cleansing of tile surfaces was instead taken over by what we'll call "Jack and Ellie's Big Adventure!"

Sigh.

So, apparently Jack is really crazy smart about things that he WANTS to be smart about, and the fact that he just glances at me lazily with eyes glazed over when I say silly things like "Sit", "Come", and "Stay", doesn't actually reflect much on his intelligence.  Dude knows how to open the door.  I shit you not.  And yesterday he decided to try out this new little trick and took his little sister on the aforementioned Big Adventure.  The best part?  He'd pulled off Ellie's collar before they went racing off into the wild blue yonder, so when I went tearing after them with their leashes, it did me No Good.

You know what's even cuter?  How they can just sense with their evil little puppy brains that I really want them to just come the frick back inside and so when I crouch down by the door with cookies and make sweet, cooing come hither noises they actually LAUGH at me and then run away.  Like, fuck your cookies you stupid human, there's poop out here to eat!!

So, I ran after them out to the woods behind my apartment--praying that the stupid teenagers with their stupid fast cars wouldn't come flying around the corner at just that moment--and sweet little Ellie, who shall henceforth be known as The Good One That I Love Most, came running over to me as she determined that cookies actually are tastier than poop.  Jack, on the other hand, had business to take care of, and coming anywhere near me was not included in his schedule of events.  He refused to even look in my direction--kind of an "If I can't see you, then you're not really there" approach I suppose.  So, I'm crouching precariously on a rocky hill, clutching one squirmy, leashless/collarless dog to my chest and still trying to appear loving and suggesting to Jack that he come to me, when I hear the voice of my across-the-hall-neighbor ringing out from his balcony, "You want some help with that?"  FOR THE LOVE OF POPPY SEED CRACKERS, YES!!!

Neighbor made his way across to the wooded area, doing a nifty little whistling thing that I definitely need to learn and that Jack thought was totally cool, and the little black spawn of Satan came hurtling through the trees, not giving a flip about me or my cookies, but absolutely enamored of that Big Whistling Man.  I hate that dog.  We made it back into my apartment, me trying not to dissolve into a quivering puddle of Jello while thanking neighbor effusively.  Once I got safely inside I thought momentarily about killing the little furballs, but instead started crying and squeezed them to me in utter relief that they weren't doggie flapjacks out on the road.  Of course, they'd already forgotten about the whole thing and were all "get off me you nutjob and give me my dinner!"  And so I did.

Then, to top it all off, I took Ellie out later that night to do her biznass, and her FREAKING COLLAR BROKE!!  Luckily she had to poop, and is less than speedy while pooping, so I was able to catch her without much racing around the apartment complex, but still, it's the whole principal of the thing.  One should really not have to deal with the near loss of their little caramel colored baby twice in the span of a few hours.  It's really far too much strain on my already put-upon heart.

In other news however, I have a second date Thursday night with the guy that I was hoping would stay in the picture.  And going along with the theme of maintaining some semblance of a personal life, that's all I'm saying.  And yet, YAY!

Comments

[Dawn]

You are forgetting two very important details: Is your helpful neighbor cute? And, if so, is he single?

[Brittany]

So, I'm assuming your door wasn't locked... because if Jack can also unlock the door... wow.

Thank God for neighbors, eh? They seem to get you out of a lot of binds!

[sophie]

The canine that preceded Spencer in my life wouldn't ignore me--that was too simple for her. Instead, she would look over her shoulder and say, "Yeah, I see you mortal humanoid, but I still have other business to attend to." THEN, she would take off running for the eating of the poop. Glad your babies are safe.

[RisibleGirl]

Oh I can SO relate to the dog thing! I swear that you are right- they are totally laughing at us. Of course, I no longer have dogs but this brought me RIGHT back to those days of frustration.

And YAY for the second date! Can't wait to hear about it!

xxoo

[Anonymous G]

Dogs. gotta love 'em.
Second date with the guy to whom you're attracted but trying not to make a big deal out of for fear of jinxing it? gotta love THAT!

[shani]

obedience. school.

for the dogs, not the guy.

[wordnerd]

Yay! The guy. Yay!

[Heather B.]

Seriously, hot neighbor? yay or nay.

[AC]

There's a song in these parts about the pancake dog. I laughed a long time at this description but, along with the others, gotta know, what the rating of the helpful neighbor. And, now its Friday morning, after Thursday night. So - update?