I Need Postage For "Back In Time" Please

It's currently 2:19 in the a.m.  I am not asleep.  This is not because I've been a huge lazy ass lately.  In fact, I've been awake waaaaaay too much in my opinion.  I have a lot of things weighing on my mind (as stated in the previous post), however the things that are currently on my mind are boy issues.  Very unfortunate boy issues.  As in, no boy is to be trusted, no seriously I mean it this time, oh my God, Angela, haven't you learned your lesson by now??

Anyway, so I haven't been sleeping very much lately, but I've decided that rather than wasting the rest of my night stalking people on MySpace or Facebook, I will do something productive and write a highly informative letter to myself full of wit and wisdom.  Sadly, I fear this letter will not be delivered because the post office said something about shredding the fabric of the space time continuum if they try to deliver letters to people 10 years ago.  Oh well, I soldier on regardless.  But I present to you, "A Letter to Myself Minus Tennish or So Years".

Dear Angela, Aged 13,

Hi there you crazy kid!  Let me just begin by saying, stop stressing about your boobs, they're never going to get any bigger, so just don't worry about it anymore.  (Also, that kleenex in your bra is totally obvious and also so very overdone, I'm cringing at how cliche you are... I was... whatever.)  On the positive side though, you're going to discover makeup soon, and after an unfortunate tarantula eye phase, I think you'll be quite pleased with the outcome!

First things first.  You know how you really hate wearing braces, and you realize that you're probably going to be wearing them for the rest of your adolescent life, but that's okay because at the end of it your teeth will be all gorgeous and straight?  Yeah, well, you're right about that, but let me give you a little hint.  Once you get them off?  Conveniently prior to prom and senior pictures and all that jazz?  Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, wear your retainer!  I'll leave the profanities out, because I know you have tender ears yet, but seriously, you're not the expert here.  How hard is it to put two harmless little pieces of plastic in your mouth every night?  It's not hard!  Trust me, it's much much harder to drop $1500 in one go to repair the damage of NOT wearing those tiny little plastic bits.  My credit card literally screamed in pain.  That is something that you NEVER want to hear.  Just think, you a little 13 year old child, are keeping me $5,000 away from owning my very own house!  I'm not pleased with you, or the 16 year old version of yourself who led you astray.

Secondly, let's talk about boys here, because I want you to be realistic over the next few years.  I know you love Ryan with the passion of a thousand suns, as do all of your closest friends.  Why?  I'm not sure... quite honestly, at that point he looked an awful lot like a Keebler Elf, but you know what, that's okay.  And I know you think that there's nothing worse than the agony of being "the best friend" to the guy that you have your little crush on, but oh my God, girl, it is going to get SO MUCH WORSE!!  Revel in this!  Enjoy this!  It's so innocent and beautiful, and it will eventually be up there among your top favorite memories of school.  But please, in a few years a very smooth talker is going to come along and try to sweep you off your feet, and I need you to just say no, mmkay?  I fear that experience led to an awful lot of baggage that I currently carry with me and at the rate I'm accumulating baggage I'm never gonna be able to fly on that airplane again.  (Another thing, Ryan really does turn out hot, but then when you go to high school he's going to leave you in the dust for the way more popular girls who totally put out.  Maybe look into that makeup thing a little earlier?)

That's really all I have for now.  I wish I could give you some kind of wisdom and insight into your career decision, but quite frankly 10 years down the road you're going to be in pretty much the same boat as you are right now.  Only less homework and way more stress.  Maybe stick with that psychology thing... that actually could have been interesting, and probably a lot more worth your while than a literature degree.  Just know that despite what you may think, you're a pretty cool kid and the memories that you're making right now you'll carry with you for the rest of your life.  But mostly, just know that I really want to kick your ass about the retainer thing, and that's kind of my prevailing attitude toward you right now.

Hugs n' Kisses!

Angela, Aged 23

Comments

[Jonathan]

Fantastic post. What a wonderful idea - writing to yourself earlier in life. I'm sat here wondering what I might write... or what I might write to myself in the future!?

[nancy]

Great Letter. At 16 I so wish I would have listened to a older *wiser* self.

I would to love to see what you might write to your future self.

[grrltraveler]

Great letter! Although I'm not sure discovering makeup earlier would've helped Ryan if he was looking for girls who put out.. :))

And the retainer thing... I think we all have a story similar to that! God, if I did this, mine would be a bloody epic....

If you come up with something that original at 2:30am!! god i'm jealous..

hugs,
a

[RisibleGirl]

Wow, this is great! I actually wrote a letter to myself (at the advice of my therapist at the time) to be delivered to the 'Me' that was dating the 8 year boyfriend from hell.

Very cathartic!

How about writing a letter to your future self? What do you think you'd tell her?

[wordnerd]

What an awesome idea and an awesome post.

Umm, if you happen to see the same thing on my site in the next few weeks, consider it a ... ahem, coincidence...

[Lynn W]

I'm with the Wordnerd. Because this is hilarious and I wish I'd thought of it first. I could have saved myself from SO much trouble if I could have peeked into the future and stopped myself back in the day.

[PhilosophyGuy]

Everyone has at least one lost in the wilderness portions of their lives but most of us don't have the gift and ability to write about it so it is cathartic, insightful, and entertaining. Your life is pretty much a continuous movement through "now" with look back with a mix of wisdom, nostalgia, and regret for about 10 years into what seems like the recent past, and about 10 years into the future with a mix of hope, exitement, and anxiety. I've always found that life is a lot like Chutes and Ladders. It's less random than the game but your ability to control the outcome is still pretty limited.

I'm not sure if Wikipedia has a philosophical cliches section but if they did it would list:

- Why is youth wasted on the young?
- We get too soon old and too late smart.
- Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgement.
- If I could just stop thinking.
- Those who fail to learn the lessons of the past are doomed to repeat them.
- There is only on thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning.
- Been there, done that, don't want the T-shirt.
- Somebody ought to write a book because I really think girls are from Venus and boys are from Mars.