I Just Got Bitch Slapped By Reality

The problem with ending a long distance relationship is that when they come to an end there’s very little difference in the before and after pictures. Sure there’s no communication, but I’d gotten so used to talking to him only a couple of times a week during his deployment that it really doesn’t seem all that different. I don’t see him, but I didn’t see him much before, so no big change there.

I’ve thought I’ve been handling this breakup really well. I haven’t been dwelling, I’ve been staying busy, I see other guys and think “ooh, cute!” and not “ugh, hate men”. At the same time I’ve been a little disconcerted with how okay I’ve been. Obviously I miss him very much, but I haven’t really cried at all since the day after the breakup, which is not how I typically deal with things. I cry about everything.

This morning my fabulous friends left after a great weekend, and I was alone again in the apartment with the pups. I watched a movie, fell asleep, and felt generally okay.

Then it hit. The dogs have spent the evening being generally pests, then I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and I was about 30 minutes behind on TiVo when I accidentally hit the channel button so I missed the whole second half. Then I took the dogs out and busted my butt on the ice. I got inside, unleashed them and completely broke down.

I hadn’t cried this much in the entire week since the breakup, and oddly enough it kind of felt good to get it out instead of feeling detached from the whole situation. I want to be strong about it all, but at the same time I don’t want to deny my feelings and act as though I’m totally okay with the situation.

It really didn’t help that this weekend I got a bridal catalog from Cartier with a selection of pictures all of their gorgeous engagement rings. We all laughed hysterically about the situation last night, but I can’t help but feeling a little bit as though the universe is getting the last laugh with me right now.

I just keep waiting. At some point things have to start turning around and getting better again. As my wise sister pointed out, last year came in like a lamb and went out like a lion. After these past couple of lionish months I’m hoping and praying that the damn lamb gets its happy butt here sooner rather than later. I’m not sure how much more of this crap I can handle.

Comments

[killired]

katie scarlett... get a hold of yourself! you will be fine! think about it tomorrow ok, cause tomorrow is another day! hahaha... sorry couldn't resist that one...

anyway... can i distract you? You missed the second half of grey's???? omg... you will NOT believe what happened!!!!!!! it was good... interesting too.... i wont tell you here though in case other people haven't seen it yet!

[E]

Sweety, cut yourself some slack ok? It's a process and you're gonna go through a whole bunch of happy, sad, angry and stupid moments - and that's ok. It's what's meant to happen. To be honest, if you had said you didn't feel anything and you didn't have any tears, I'd be more worried about you. Let the emotions happen. There are no rules about what you're supposed to be doing, or how you're supposed to be doing. Just do whatever you gotta do and you'll walk through it. A day at a time sweety. You're doing fine. Sending lots of hugs. :-)

[Steph.]

Wow. Someone else that commented in the wee morning hours besides me? (I can't sleep...like ever!)

I think you sound like you are STILL doing well. Don't worry about if you've cried or how much or whether or not you're moving on. Just be. Allow yourself to feel however you want to feel and don't analyze it. I really think you sound like you're coping very well. Take care you...

[Maribeth]

2006 isn't starting out real great for me either. SO lets just get together and have a giant cry!
Your loss is through a breakup, mine through a death. Both losses. I think a little crying is called for. But then we have to pick ourselves up and go on, right?

[Russ]

Katie... Get the crying out and then go out and find a guy to have some fun with. There's no better cure than finding out that the world isn't ending and there are plenty of other people that are enjoyable to be around.
It's taken me almost 2 years to figure that out and I wish I had gotten on with it sooner.
But then again, I'm a guy and what do we know, right? {smile}

[killired]

TAG - YOU'RE IT!

I've tagged you on my Blog... your comments won't let me put the link here...

Maybe this will help you get your mind off him...

[RisibleGirl]

That's the thing about grief. You never know what cycle you'll hit nor will you know when.

Go do a google for "stages of grief" or "grief spiral". Any loss you suffer will go thru the same stages (death, relationship, job, health, etc.) Sometimes being prepared for the stages helps a bit.

Also? Don't for a minute think that just because you've experienced a stage already, you won't experience it again.

Thinking of you, sweet girl.

[Anonymous G]

No time now for anything but a (((hug))).
Thinking of you....
xo

[Nancy]

{{{Hugs}}}

It will be up and down for awhile. Just keep writing. Know that even if nothing feels good right now, it will all be ok SOON.