A Big, Steaming Pile of Mush (Tomorrow Is Another Day...)

Three years ago today I was floating along on Cloud 9 and trying to pay just the slightest bit of attention in my classes while attempting not to obsess over what exactly I was going to wear that night.

I’d had a crush on him since the moment we had first met, during my first week at college, lasting even through my relationship with the boyfriend that I was supposedly going to marry. He was the first and only guy that I had any interest in again after my breakup and slowly, over months of flirting and denial, we grew closer and closer. It started out with exchanged jokes, friendly insults (the height of all flirtation!), waves hello while passing each other on campus, and gradually built in crescendo until one tipsy kiss at a party. The next morning I was mortified when I had to face him again at an event and we exchanged neither looks nor words, both of us embarrassed and unsure how to proceed.

I was heartbroken and figured that everything had been ruined in that one moment. However, in time we regained our old friendship and soon I was at his apartment talking for hours almost every night, watching movies, hanging out with his roommates, making cookies together. But we were still just friends, with a few added benefits. Then Christmas break came, and I knew that we wouldn’t see each other for a month. Sure we were good friends, but we weren’t together, there was no commitment and he was graduating in just a few short months. Why start something that we couldn’t finish?

The next semester arrived, and we were in a class together, probably the catalyst that brought us back together after our separation. We continued with our friendship, but things felt different to me. It felt as though we were together, as much as we didn’t say it. Valentine’s Day was drawing near and I knew that would be the litmus test of our relationship. Would he be my Valentine?

Then, finally, two weeks before the fourteenth, he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner the week before Valentine’s Day. Finally, we were going to take our relationship outside of the walls of our dorms and into the public. Honestly, I can’t remember a single thing about that night—I know we went to see How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, but all I could think about the entire time was the fact that we were together! In public! Together!

More time passed, and then he decided that he would go on a roadtrip with another friend to visit a girl that I knew he’d had a lot of interest in before I came along, so of course, I was extremely unhappy with the fact that he went. But I knew he was just going as a friend, and I struggled to control my jealousy. When he came back he talked about it and seemed a little more displeased than I would have liked at the fact that he hadn’t spent as much time with this friend as he thought he would. That’s when I reached my breaking point. I told him that I knew that he didn’t consider us an exclusive couple, but it still hurt me that he would go on the trip and not think that I didn’t want to hear about it, because I had no plans on seeing anyone else. And I remember him looking at me, a little confused and possibly hurt, and saying, “Well, I would call you my girlfriend.”

And that was the unconventional beginning to our unconventional relationship. We’ve never gone about things the “normal” way, and it’s not always been easy, but the past three years have literally flown by, and I’m continually in awe of how we can stay so connected through the distance. It’s not always been perfect, we’ve had our growing pains and bumps along the way on this road that we’ve traveled. Right now I have the sense that we’re traveling parallel roads. They’ve not actually come together yet but every now and then I catch a glimpse of the roads merging sign ahead, and I have faith that having made it this far, we can make it through anything.

I love you “sugar bear”, and I thank you for making me a better person, a kinder person, a more patient person. No matter what happens for us, I know that I’ve changed for having you in my life, and you’ve made everything so much more wonderful just for experiencing it with me. Happy Anniversary!

“I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.”

Comments

Happy Anniversary Ang!

Isn't it interesting to look back when things got started, and how some of the most awkward and unconvential moments came together to create an actual lasting relationship! I'm happy for you two and looking forward to seeing what's next.

Posted by: Sharon | February 07, 2006 at 10:13 PM

Hubby and I were friends for the longest time before we found out we loved each other. Funny how it happens.

Posted by: Maribeth | February 07, 2006 at 10:56 PM

Ah...so you're the urban legend where the friends w/benefits turned into a real relationship. I know just the guy who needs to read this;) Anyway, happy anniversary and here's to your roads colliding sooner rather than later.

Posted by: Becky | February 08, 2006 at 01:31 AM