How To Effectively Piss Me Off in 8 Easy Steps

It’s really much easier than you would think! Here, in easy to read, numbered format, is a brief tutorial:

1) End serious relationship very badly, and expect that I will still be your best friend. Sure, I will be your best friend, if by “Best Friend” you mean “Person Who Gouges Your Eyes Out For Fun on a Friday Night”. (Very Shakespearean, no?)

2) Marry woman for whom said relationship ended very badly and then take the GODDAMNED name for your spawn that I picked out for our future children. Who, come to think of it, would essentially be the children of Satan.

3) Continue to send “friendly” emails about how you hope I'm doing all right, and you still think about me until I block your name from my email account. And also roast all remaining artifacts from our relationship over the flames of the fiery pit of Hell.

4) Drop off the face of the earth for four years and then send me yet ANOTHER email claiming to be a changed man, and telling me what a significant part of your life I was. (HA I say—HA!)

5) Upon receiving a civil reply from me turning down your ever so considerate olive branch of “friendship”, become pissy and condescending in your response and tell me “no hard feelings” are had by you. I’m sorry?? No hard feelings are felt by YOU?? Funny, you must have mistaken me with that girl that GIVES A RAT’S ASS!

6) Tell me that “you will have forgotten this attempt at contact by weeks end” and that “you were just trying to be a ‘good person’”. You know, it’s funny, when the devil wears a blue suit, HE’S STILL THE DEVIL. Asshat.

7) Also, reflect upon how happy you are, and hope that someday I and my boyfriend will be as happy as you and your wife and start a family together because it’s “a wonderful thing”. Yes, because truly, your counsel is what I depend upon to get me through the rough times. And obviously, you are quite happy with your life as four years after ending things with me, you are still trying to ease your conscience about the complete disregard with which I was treated. I am quite envious of your life. Really. I mean it.

8) Sign off with “no reply necessary”. You know, just in case I felt like changing my mind and declaring my undying love and devotion.

Comments

[Becky]

Nice. Sounds like someone has been feeling guilty lately for the way he treated you. Can't imagine all is well with the wife, if he's seeking you out via e-mail like that.

[Mo]

What a bastard!

[Steph.]

OMG! Asshat is RIGHT! Aren't you glad you turned down his friendship requests now? What a jerk!

[NetChick]

Yep, he's changed alright. For the worse. At least you can go about your business, and leave him behind. What a manipulator he is. Geezus.

[sandy]

I pity his wife. No, really I do. What an ass.

Here from Michele's.

[sophie]

Ugh! Glad to have your good decision reinforced by his current behavior.

Q:Why can't men catch mad cow disease?
A:Because they are pigs.

(just a joke--I am happily engaged to a wonderful man)

[Russ]

Men can be bastards. I know cause I am a man and have been called one on several occasions. But I can feel your torment because I am going throught the exact same thing right now with my ex-wife. And she doesn't look so good in an Asshat.
What are we going to do??

[Candace]

GAWD what an asshat. Oh well, at least he's good blogfodder.

[Not the Boyfriend]

Asshat? am i the only person that's never heard that before?

[shani]

why yes, yes you are.

[E]

Hmmmm....perhaps send his wife some small change so she can go out and buy him a clue for Christmas. What an idiot! (I'm being nice!) I pity his wife, too.

[OldOldLady Of The Hills]

I never heard of Asshat either, but I like it! This guy is a real "piece of work"...Lordy, Deliver Me! You are sure well outta that relationship/Friendship/Whatever..Tell him to go suck an egg!